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Rhiannon12866

(202,970 posts)
Thu Aug 6, 2020, 10:15 PM Aug 2020

Trump Considering Replacing Pence with Confederate Statue

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Alarmed by his plunging poll numbers, Donald J. Trump is actively considering replacing Mike Pence on the G.O.P. ticket with a Confederate statue, White House sources have revealed.

According to the sources, Trump is currently considering a short list of Confederate monuments to swap for Pence, including statues of Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson, and Jefferson Davis.

Reportedly, Trump believes that replacing Pence with a Confederate statue is just what his campaign needs to energize his base.

“Plus, he’ll finally have someone in his inner circle who won’t write a book,” one source said.

According to the same source, choosing among the Confederate statues is shaping up to be the toughest decision of Trump’s Presidency. “He thinks they’re all very fine people,” the source said.

But another White House insider was less sanguine about the strengths a Confederate statue would bring to Trump’s reëlection effort.

“Replacing Pence with an inanimate object seems like a wash to me,” the insider said.


Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-considering-replacing-pence-with-confederate-statue



Photograph by Chip Somodevilla / Getty

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lindysalsagal

(20,434 posts)
1. And he won't have to worry about any tawdry dirty laundry on the statues.
Thu Aug 6, 2020, 10:19 PM
Aug 2020

Plus, their Mothers can't be on scene.

magicarpet

(13,935 posts)
3. If pigeons shit on the heads of the Confederate statues,...
Thu Aug 6, 2020, 10:28 PM
Aug 2020

... they will then end up with white hair. Maybe the trumpie voter base won't realize that Pence was switched out because Pence is kinda like a statue or a dead potted plant anyways.

soothsayer

(38,601 posts)
10. Fun fact: the white part of guano is pee; the dark part is poop
Thu Aug 6, 2020, 10:52 PM
Aug 2020

Technically it’s all still bird crap, so your joke works fine despite this trivia.

Thomas Hurt

(13,903 posts)
8. Jared is a stiff, looks like a wax figure, maybe put him in a confederate uniform...
Thu Aug 6, 2020, 10:34 PM
Aug 2020

and have stand beside Trump with those dead eyes.

Rhiannon12866

(202,970 posts)
13. He's coming out with these gems more often these days
Fri Aug 7, 2020, 12:38 AM
Aug 2020

With Trump as a subject, I'm surprised he can keep up!

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