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10 Small Changes We Can Make to Help Avoid Another Steubenville
Dismantling the Rape Culture~
During the past several weeks, as more and more people became aware of what transpired in Steubenville, Ohio, last summer, I have been deluged with messages and questions about what happened and how this was possible.
My contention has always been that if we want to reduce the everyday occurrences of similar events we need to focus on one thing: How 50 kids stood by and watched, even photographed and joked about this girl's abuse and rape. How parents, coaches, teachers, religious leaders and more participated in the commission of this crime by transmitting traditional values and mainstream ideas. This is what rape culture is: A girl used as a dehumanized object, treated like a sex doll, raped, and abused while people watch, laugh, joke, film, and walk away.
The questions I’ve heard the most though are, “What can we do? How soon can we teach our children not to do and tolerate these things?” I realize that most people aren’t immersed in feminism or interested in the details of how sexualized violence functions to enforce and perpetuate gender inequality, so I tried to think of some everyday habits to share with those asking, things that everyone asking in earnest can change in an effort to dismantle this culture:
1.If you use the expression “boys will be boys,” think about why and what it means. Then STOP. Yes, boys and girls are different. I’ve got it. But, any two boys are as different from one another as “boys” are from “girls.” That expression reveals a myriad of beliefs related to gender essentialism, binaries, and stereotypes that lie at the root of sex-based hierarchies that subtly cultivate violence and the reduction of girls and women to the value of their reproductive potential. It’s commonly used to excuse behavior that is rude, entitled, and gender-privileged.
2.Understand and don’t trivialize the effects of stereotypes and media messaging. Stereotypes are destructive and harmful and stereotype threat is legitimate. Examine the ideas you convey, and especially the media, toy, and entertainment purchases you make for kids. Additionally, words do matter: When you call girls “Princess” or boys “Little Man,” for example, how much are you affectionately conveying in terms of stereotypical ideas about gender, race, ethnicity, and more. In particular, if you have boys, really look into how masculinity is constructed in the U.S. and think hard about what you want for your children. Whenever possible, deconstruct media messages and talk about sexism, racism, and violence openly. There is no escaping them in media. It’s like the air we breathe. And, a lot of the movies, TV shows, and games kids play are really fun. So, if they’re going to consume these media—which is almost unavoidable—talk to them about how to understand what they are consuming.
~snip~
My contention has always been that if we want to reduce the everyday occurrences of similar events we need to focus on one thing: How 50 kids stood by and watched, even photographed and joked about this girl's abuse and rape. How parents, coaches, teachers, religious leaders and more participated in the commission of this crime by transmitting traditional values and mainstream ideas. This is what rape culture is: A girl used as a dehumanized object, treated like a sex doll, raped, and abused while people watch, laugh, joke, film, and walk away.
The questions I’ve heard the most though are, “What can we do? How soon can we teach our children not to do and tolerate these things?” I realize that most people aren’t immersed in feminism or interested in the details of how sexualized violence functions to enforce and perpetuate gender inequality, so I tried to think of some everyday habits to share with those asking, things that everyone asking in earnest can change in an effort to dismantle this culture:
1.If you use the expression “boys will be boys,” think about why and what it means. Then STOP. Yes, boys and girls are different. I’ve got it. But, any two boys are as different from one another as “boys” are from “girls.” That expression reveals a myriad of beliefs related to gender essentialism, binaries, and stereotypes that lie at the root of sex-based hierarchies that subtly cultivate violence and the reduction of girls and women to the value of their reproductive potential. It’s commonly used to excuse behavior that is rude, entitled, and gender-privileged.
2.Understand and don’t trivialize the effects of stereotypes and media messaging. Stereotypes are destructive and harmful and stereotype threat is legitimate. Examine the ideas you convey, and especially the media, toy, and entertainment purchases you make for kids. Additionally, words do matter: When you call girls “Princess” or boys “Little Man,” for example, how much are you affectionately conveying in terms of stereotypical ideas about gender, race, ethnicity, and more. In particular, if you have boys, really look into how masculinity is constructed in the U.S. and think hard about what you want for your children. Whenever possible, deconstruct media messages and talk about sexism, racism, and violence openly. There is no escaping them in media. It’s like the air we breathe. And, a lot of the movies, TV shows, and games kids play are really fun. So, if they’re going to consume these media—which is almost unavoidable—talk to them about how to understand what they are consuming.
~snip~
More habits to share cont'd here: http://www.rolereboot.org/culture-and-politics/details/2013-03-10-small-changes-you-can-make-at-home-to-help-avoid
6 replies
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7. Teach boys to cross-gender empathize. We have a serious problem with boys and empathy. If that wasn’t evident from what happened in Steubenville, I don’t know what is. Everything about mainstream culture is geared toward a) stripping boys of any ability to understand what it’s like to be a girl, and b) telling them that being a girl is bad. Girls have to cross-gender empathize every day in untold ways. It’s a survival skill if you are a female human.
This was also excellent:
As with rape, many of the items on this list have traditionally been sidelined as “women’s issues.” So, lastly, if you think certain things are “women’s issues,” think again. There are very few things—maybe tampon technology—that are uniquely specific to women. Otherwise, especially when it comes to the Big Issue, there is almost nothing that ISN’T a “women’s issue,” including the economy, war and militarism, state security, global warming, scientific denialism, and abuse of power in every manifestation. The list is literally infinite. Most topics that have traditionally been thought of as “women’s issues”—reproductive issues, sexualized violence, domestic violence, street harassment, etc.—can be inverted and understood as “problems we face involving men with unchallenged power.”
can be inverted and understood as “problems we face involving men with unchallenged power.”
I am speechless. I don't even know what to say in response to that horrific story. 
