Why me? and Don't Speak Ill Of The Dead

I never got the first at all. Why not me? seems a much more logical question. We live in a world with approximately 7 billion people. Of course bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people and Life Isn't Fair. You can legislate fairness as far as laws go, but you can't legislate away a parent losing a child to a dreadful disease. Life Isn't Fair.

So why not me? And if you start with that supposition there's a natural progression to "what can I do with these unpleasant, even awful events; what can I learn"? If you do manage to learn the right things, you can change how you meet the "bad" in life and that changes everything- for the better.

As for "don't speak ill of the dead", I get that the dead (obviously) can't respond to calumny- which is what that saying is about, I think. More importantly, isn't it more important not to be malicious toward the living than the dead? The dead don't have feelings to stroke or to damage. We can't hurt them the way we can hurt the living.