I don't drink milk. I can never remember drinking milk.

It's not an allergy. I've always loved cheese, ice cream, sour cream, all kinds of dairy products.

But I just can't bring myself to drink milk.

The earliest memory I have involving milk was from kindergarten. Every day, we had milk in those little wax-coated cardboard cartons and a straw to drink it. If I didn't drink my milk, the teacher would notice and scold me to drink my milk. So, I developed a routine of merely pretending to drink my milk. I would sip it up through the straw to my lips, hold it, and let it back down again periodically. Then, I would carefully dispose of the carton.

Well, it turned out that one day, some kid had the bright idea that he would flatten his milk carton out by smashing it with his fist, and this became, as far as these things go, the "macho" thing to do (other than, say, not shitting your pants for a whole day).

But, having gotten so used to pretending to drink the milk, I had sort of fooled myself into believing that I had, or at least behaving in a manner consistent with having done so.

So, of course, not to appear suspicious, I put the carton in front of me, and swung my fist down onto it.

It doesn't matter how long I live or how many faculties I may lose over time. I will never erase from my mind the image, frozen in a moment of time, of a geyser of milk rising up from the table and reaching toward the ceiling like the pure white finger of God himself pointing the way to heaven, following by the immediate burst of the sound, like some angelic choir, of a roomful of four and five year-olds screaming from the fallout.

I apologize for treading on a sensitive subject and trying to be cute--I guess that the old joke about when people "assume" something is fitting here.

At least it appears that you aren't lactose intolerant though since you like other dairy products. I wasn't particularly fond of drinking straight milk either and always added cocoa since I wasn't fond of the taste.