This review is from: I Wish My Kids Had Cancer: A Family Surviving the Autism Epidemic (Paperback)
Having discovered his children are afflicted with an incurable malady that renders them a strain on society a brave father embarks on a journey to end his children's suffering as well as his own. Seeking out the curse of cancer Michael Alan faces many battles along the way including but not limited to childhood diabetes and fighting of the breasts of cancer. In the end unable to end his children through use of cancer he must survive the Autism pandemic with only the help of autistic children. Thinks look grim for the intrepid hero...

Like mental health issues, autism seems to be treated as a "fake illness." There tends to be more sympathy toward a child and more support for the family when the disease is understood as opposed to misunderstood on a greater scale. Look at some of the threads here to see how people view mental health issues and those who have it; then view threads written by people suffering from a physical malady, such as cancer, the responses can be astoundingly different.

People understand that Cancer risks may rise, but they are never eliminated. So a person who has cancer, society in general understands that they may not have done anything "wrong" to get it. Especially kids with cancer. Society tends to have a knee jerk reaction of sympathy and compassion towards that image, the child with cancer, that is nearly unanimous.

However, mental health issues are one of those things. People view it much like they did/do HIV/AIDS in the 1980's. They want to move away, to shun the person with those challenges. Ignorance makes people afraid, and people are ignorant of the causes and various mental health issues.

It doesn't help that everyone in the world is claiming that Autism is triggered by their personal cause celeb. I've seen Autism linked to Global Warming, Jet Contrails, Plastic drinking glasses, and let's not forget Inoculations. All of those groups can claim that Autism is linked to their cause because we don't know what causes it. I'm not sure how many other groups swear that Autism is caused by whatever they are fighting. I'll be honest, whenever I hear someone arguing about something, I almost immediately lose interest in that person, and usually that group, as soon as they say that Autism is caused by this. No, I am not saying that Global Warming is not happening. The causation links are at best circumstantial, and at worst, just an effort to get more people behind opposing whatever this group is fighting against.

So on one hand, it's no wonder that people view Autism with such suspicion and fear. It might be contagious, it might be something you can catch. So imagine the families difficulties, first in finding treatment for their children, and second trying to assure people that this is not contagious. Cancer, we know we can get it, but we know it is not contagious. Just because you have it, doesn't mean I will get it from you. Then there is the treatment. The treatment for Autism is hampered by the fact that we know so little about it. On the other hand, Cancer gets lots of money and treatment options. Some even work for years, decades, and longer. With Cancer, you know there is serious research being carried out at many fine Universities and Laboratories. New breakthrough treatments are rolling out sometimes twice a month. There is hope that the true cure for Cancer is just around the corner.

On the other hand, research into Autism is not exactly flush with funding. Mostly it is studies by Doctors who report what seemed to work, and what didn't, and one breakthrough that worked for a patient doesn't seem to be really working for any others. There is no understanding of the condition, and there is no understanding of how it progresses. There is less hope for a cure, or treatment, that shows good or great chances of improvement.

Downs Syndrome, everyone knows that the people who have that are going to be slow, and developmentally disabled. We know there is nothing we can do to treat it, it is a genetic issue, and one we are powerless (for now) to change. But we also know that Downs Syndrome people can lead full lives, they will need care certainly, but they aren't generally speaking violent or abusive. They are gentle, and loving as a general rule of thumb. Sometimes I wonder if the best of humanity is in these simple people, who seem to get such joy out of the simplest of pleasures. Who see the best in all of us, even when it isn't really there.

I've had some limited dealings with developmentally disabled children. Sometimes I felt ashamed that I couldn't look at the world with the same joy and love and positive emotional response. I never saw them angry, and I never saw them hate. That is far more than I can say about the rest of humanity, and yes I include myself in that statement.

I am a therapist in private practice. 90% of my caseload is cancer patients; in fact, my office is within an Oncology medical practice. Before going into private practice, I had YEARS of running programs, both school and community-based, that included autistic children of all ages and levels of functioning. Therefore, I have experience with both ends...mental and intellectual disabilities, and people dealing with cancer as a physical diagnosis (although cancer is as much a mental health battle as it is a physical one).

With all of that said, let me be very clear about what I say next: THERE IS NO COMPARISON. Since January alone (I have been in this specialty for over 4 years now), I have watched MANY of my patients pass from cancer, and it is a MISERABLE life and an even more MISERABLE death, with the chemo killing many of them in a variety of painful ways before the cancer could. This past November I watched a mother bury her 18-year-old after a brutal 2-year battle that at the end left this kid suffocating to death on her own fluid.

The response SHOULD be different. VERY VERY different. I do not believe, for one second, that 90% of people with mental illnesses are faking illnesses. Nobody WANTS to be labeled as autistic or asperger's (and if one does, they've got a personality disorder to beat the band). However, I also do not believe for one second that either of those diagnoses are even COMPARABLE, in the same BALL PARK, as cancer, especially in children.

One of my greatest gripes, and why I left the public mental health sector, was the "pity me/nobody gets it" attitude of many parents, as if they wanted a medal for giving their child good care and demonstrating patience. I have HAD parents, to my face, compare autism or bipolar or histrionic personality disorder TO cancer or cystic fibrosis in kids. It took every ounce of professionalism in those cases not to THROW THEM OUT OF MY OFFICE.

It's not that many people view mental health issues in kids as fake; it's that professionals in the field lose patience with the attitude of many of those children's parents, as demonstrated by this father's completely APPALLING choice for the title of his book. He's exhibit A of what I am talking about.

And welcome to DU!

.... that what he meant was that if it were cancer at least there would be a lot of research into causes and cures?

Autism is just sitting there, it is an epidemic yet as far as I can tell we don't know much more about it now (that is useful) than we did a decade ago.

get lots of funding dollars. It may take decades to find out what causes autism. Frankly at this point I would rather have more money put towards helping autistic people get better educations and help for when they age out of the education system. There is virtually no help for autistic people once they are over 21.

... if you think it is easy I hope it doesn't happen to you.

buy his clueless book.

I have an autistic child.


You have no idea how offensive your wish is.

I saw it as saying that raising a child with autism is tough and a situation he wouldn't wish on anyone. Not anything against anyone with Autism, or suggesting that people with Autism shouldn't raise children, or anything else.

If I'm not getting it, please clarify.

and as a single mother. And I wouldn't trade him for anything and I resent the notion that anyone with ASD is a useless burden and I reject and fight against the "curebie" groups like Autism Speaks (or Autism Squeaks, as it s derisively, and rightfully, known in the autistic self-advocacy community) and the hate groups that disseminate and promote misinformation and false propaganda and that work to implement policies detrimental to those with ASD, especially aspires like my son, with the Queen of said groups being FAAAS, which should be completely shit down.

And spare me the "heroic sacrificing parents" BS, which turns the children into a useless burden. It's a good thing Temple Grandin's parents didn't feel that way and actually advocated for her, or her inventions in the field of animal science, which have revolutionized farming and ranching practices and immeasurably aided farmers and ranchers, would not exist. And some of our greatest scientific discoveries and theories, and inventions and artistic creations, came from those on the spectrum (Einstein, anyone?)

As overwhelmingly difficult as autism can be to deal with, it doesn't justify wishing death on one's own child as this "author" appears to be doing.

... that you are completely misinterpreting the title of the book? Because I think you might be.

I am autistic, I guess I should die from cancer. If that was my father, I would disown him and look for a father that didn't hate me for being born.

I have a friend dieing from cancer right now, DIEING. I guess I should go tell her that she is luckier than me. Since this dad wrote a book wishing his kids had cancer over autism.

Some fucked up people in this world. Don't know what else to say, but that I feel SORRY for his children.

I would say that the title hurts me inside somewhere, but I've heard worse things said about us. Such ignorant things to say, we only have this one chance at life...some of us were just born with issues that we cannot solve by throwing money at a doctor.

Hope you are having a good day KA! That dad needs professional counseling imo!

having a child with cancer is really about.

Maybe if someone wrote a book titled: "I Wish My Kid Were Autistic: A Family Surviving Childhood Cancer" would make the point.

I have never experienced serious illness or impairment either myself or within my family. Oh, there have been various illnesses, and my oldest son has Asperger's, but nothing life-threatening or that profoundly alters things as having a severely autistic child would be. Or one with Down Syndrome. Or some long term debilitating disease.

But I am bothered by that book title.

was needlessly and thoughtlessly hurtful to a certain category of people. I don't want to say more, because there's no need, but the response from someone from that category made me think a lot harder about what I say. I'd actually intended my post to be ironic or sarcastic, but it certainly did not come across that way to some people.

I will probably inadvertent insult or hurt others in the future, but the key word, I hope, is inadvertently.

It is one thing to describe the difficulty of retaining services but he goes so far off
appropriate..sickening.

In which case, I went 1 for 2. Her, yeah. Dad, who was out of the picture by age 7, not so much.

Autism is a very difficult phenomenon to deal with, and I have yet to encounter a single parent in my experience who, IMO, has escaped emotional and psychological damage from raising children with profound autism.

I've seen the same, or very similar, type(s) of damage in family members, particularly spouses, who are primary caregivers for beloved family members with Alzheimer's, or other types of dementia.

These are pretty tough situations to cope with for even the strongest among us.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is, maybe the author has, like, ya know, totally, or almost totally, gone off the rails from the stress.

Writing a book with an awful title like that would be a pretty good indication of emotional damage from stress.

It's rare to have insurance, even medicaid, that pays for therapies. And the children may always be unaware of the book. Yes, you can call it exploitation. But it might be the only way he can keep a roof over their heads. It's easy to go broke paying for therapy.

a site I go to daily to help feed people, and animals, also has an autism component. Right next to the Alzheimer's one.

http://www.thehungersite.com

She has a 37 year old daughter with high functioning autism. However she refuses to put her daughter in an institution because the state of Texas puts the women on The Pill, lets the men inmates rape them, and don't separate the sexes. She won't let the state of Texas condone rape of grown women with the mind of a five-year-old.

She told me that she has known several women with lower-functioning autistic children who just dropped dead from the stress.

So I can see if this man's mind is completely out of it.

Developmental disabilities.

Texas is a horrible state for people. Women, minorities, children, and men, yep pretty much anyone that is alive in Texas. I hear Austin is nice though it's like an oasis of sanity.

Any way the title is horrible, I can't believe someone read that and published it anyway. I would have gone with something like "They can hear you," just because I have heard the way people talk around other people with different mental capacities.

She refused to put her son in an institution, even after Dr. Leo Kanner, who coined the word "autism", told her to do so.

I am an only child. If she had done that, I would have 0 posts.

I think TMR would tremendously appreciate hearing the story of your mom's courage,

http://thinkingmomsrevolution.com
https://twitter.com/thinkingmomsrev
http://teamtmr.org

among any number of other similar groups of outstanding parents. Think about it.

(thank you very much)

(that made me smile and my eyes leak - I was uncertain how it would be received)

I recently saw a Ted talk where a young woman who uses a wheelchair talked about "inspiration porn" to point out that some nondisabled people seem to exploit that stereotype in pursuit of some sense of self gratification.

This book sounds like "persecuted hero" porn where this man objectifies himself. He's rewarded by book sales and attention by advancing the pitiful hero stereotype. It is absolutely contemptible that this guy shamelessly degrades his own children along with others who have autism. To me personally that title says "a lot of your friends might be better off dead or dying."

This is a truly revolting expression of self pity. He gets sympathy and hero status for the nightmarish existence he endures because his children are alive, and his parenting skills are not questioned?

Maybe my kid's not as severe as his, but still.

I'm sure as fuck not going to download that song. I don't fucking want help from people like that.

And in order to generate controversy which then generates demand which then generates revenue.

The title of this book is probably more a reflection of society than it is the author.

At least people believe you have a real illness.

In addition, don't minimize the physical and psychological pain depression causes. Yes, it causes physical pain. It is unremitting 24/7. In my experience, there was no relief for weeks.

I'm not going to judge that father. That family's hell is one only they will truly know. Try to imagine it from their point of view not yours.

That wish may be one he has at moments like I did and not a constant thought.

I guess that title was one of the ones they chose to reject when they chose this sickening and offensive title.

should not really criticize the whole book. We only know the title, which sounds bad but remember, you can't judge a book by it's cover.

about 200 one-star reviews vs 15 or so 4-5 star reviews. Sheesh this book has got to be the worst trolling ever.

As with 50 shades of gray, is not to criticize a book unless i read it.

How about "I Wish My Kids Were White: A Family Surviving The Mixed-Race Epidemic"?

No one gets 'perfect' children in any world! Children always take work and time.

This author seems like a father who will move out one day soon, divorce and leave the kids, his wife, his family with the 'burdens' of his life. Just don't have more kids Mr. Author, you're not ready for them.