PUTIN: Mr. President –
OBAMA: Vlad, don’t even start. Not after the kind of week I had.
PUTIN: Do you want to talk about it?
OBAMA: How would you like it if you tried to do something nice – something you honestly thought everyone would like – and it just made people even more pissed off at you?
PUTIN: I wouldn’t – (trails off)
OBAMA: You wouldn’t what?
PUTIN: I was just going to say, I wouldn’t know what that’s like. My approval rating is ninety-one percent.
OBAMA: You see, that’s just the kind of shit I don’t need right now.
(awkward silence)
PUTIN: Would it help if I gave Crimea back?
OBAMA: Leave me the fuck alone.