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LaydeeBug

(10,291 posts)
Sat Jun 14, 2014, 08:55 AM Jun 2014

Family drama, my felon brother thinks he should be in charge of 'the financials' so he is

asking the hospital to stop feeding and hydration. Dad's directive is ambiguous in this matter because he states 'no life support' but then states he can have a vent, etc. The problem with that is while on a vent, you can't eat, so you need a g-tube. dad had told me on several occasions that a g-tube "ain't no big deal. They close right up" His directive also states that if there is any question as to his wishes, he wanted his agent to speak on his behalf. I am that agent.

He appointed me to make the call.

He is breathing on his own for a few hours each day, but Hopkins is taking this to court, because they don't want to be sued.

They claim not to have a dog in the race either way, but two doctors declared Dad vegetative, which is not true, but the chorus they started singing when I said that dad did not want to live were he a vegetable.

I hired the same lawyer to represent Dad as who made the medical directive, but Hopkins attorney filed as if he did not have one, and some judge appointed a stranger. The atty I hired on Dad's behalf has filed an emergency motion because she was retained at the time Hopkins lawyer filed his emergency motion, but I haven't heard anything back yet.

My brother is a convict. King pin. On federal release right now. He asked me to buy a refrigerator to store his drugs, I didn't do it, and now this.

I am breathless and frantic, and maybe fighting an uphill battle. Of all the things I thought could take my Dad's life, my brother would have been far down on the list.

Make no mistake: this is about money. The ironic part is, and he doesn't know it, but I am Dad's sole heir. So once they starve him, or dehydrate him to death (and how am I supposed to believe they won't win) they would have made me richer.

We aren't talking dialysis here. We are talking 'something is pumping his heart for him". We are talking about food and water. I have been running ragged to get the house ready to bring him home (you can live at home with a trach and a g-tube and a vent) and my brother thinks he can get himself something.

I will never speak to him again. He is a felon and a disgrace, and a fucking Republican, might I add.

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Family drama, my felon brother thinks he should be in charge of 'the financials' so he is (Original Post) LaydeeBug Jun 2014 OP
You have my utmost sympathies Michigander_Life Jun 2014 #1
You're the agent Borchkins Jun 2014 #2
Thanks for that, Borchkins Lefta Dissenter Jun 2014 #4
You are and have been a devoted daughter, seeking only the best solutions for your dear dad. monmouth3 Jun 2014 #3
utmost sympathies, you know your Dad better than anyone. Sounds like you love each other very much. Sunlei Jun 2014 #5
I am so sorry for your predicament and that Ilsa Jun 2014 #6
Yes, you are the Agent packman Jun 2014 #7
Been in a very similar situation with my mom and two greedy brothers-in-law.... Rowdyboy Jun 2014 #8
Sympathies and best wishes smallcat88 Jun 2014 #9
Chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo right now for your dad's protection from your brother's darkness! DesertDiamond Jun 2014 #10
There's a good plug for single-child policy Demeter Jun 2014 #11
You were told correctly ... 1StrongBlackMan Jun 2014 #13
My heart goes out to you ... 1StrongBlackMan Jun 2014 #12
You fight and you fight like hell! Fantastic Anarchist Jun 2014 #14
 

Michigander_Life

(549 posts)
1. You have my utmost sympathies
Sat Jun 14, 2014, 08:59 AM
Jun 2014

Your brother sounds despicable; you must have gotten all the "good person" genes in your family. I've noticed it is common on DU for people to empathize with criminals as products of circumstance, but when it comes down to it, there really ARE a lot of evil people out there.

I wish you the best of luck with your dad.

Borchkins

(722 posts)
2. You're the agent
Sat Jun 14, 2014, 08:59 AM
Jun 2014

You're the decision-maker. If your lawyer doesn't normally practice in elder law, Go to NAELA.org and find an elder law attorney in your area. Your dad chose you to be his advocate.

Good luck,
B
(Wisconsin elder law attorney)

Lefta Dissenter

(6,617 posts)
4. Thanks for that, Borchkins
Sat Jun 14, 2014, 09:12 AM
Jun 2014

I was wishing I had some sage advice, so I'm glad someone did.

What a terrible situation.

monmouth3

(3,871 posts)
3. You are and have been a devoted daughter, seeking only the best solutions for your dear dad.
Sat Jun 14, 2014, 09:06 AM
Jun 2014

Ignore your brother, he has no say in what is best. I've been following your story and so admire you...

Sunlei

(22,651 posts)
5. utmost sympathies, you know your Dad better than anyone. Sounds like you love each other very much.
Sat Jun 14, 2014, 09:37 AM
Jun 2014

He trusts you with the heirship, the medical directive. If you think he wants to live and has a chance to survive whatever his main health issue is, you're doing the right thing fighting for your Dad.

If he was my Dad I'd keep on the Doctors asses, make sure he is kept hydrated enough and fed (check the charts and keep tabs on his blood work results) I'm sure you know what I mean.

Your Dad is lucky to have a loving child who will fight for him to have a chance to live.

p/s probably for the best to ignore the brother, he must add so much stress to the situation.

Ilsa

(61,675 posts)
6. I am so sorry for your predicament and that
Sat Jun 14, 2014, 10:56 AM
Jun 2014

Your father is so ill. I'll hope and pray that you'll be able to keep your wits about you and your courage up.

Please be careful about your brother. I'm worried about what he might do to you if he becomes desperate.

 

packman

(16,296 posts)
7. Yes, you are the Agent
Sat Jun 14, 2014, 10:59 AM
Jun 2014

You have documents that say so. Act with decision and with a goal and do not let anything deter you from those decisions. Think of your brother as non-existent and if necessary get a restraining order - which, with his record , the courts will be more than happy to issue.

Bless you, tough time made worse by a blood relative who should be helping and supportive.

I thought (may be wrong here) that hospitals, nursing homes, etc. had a form you could sign basically absolving them from being sued when this sort of thing happens. I don't mean the directive, but a legal form stating they are insulated from internal family disputes about final decisions.

Rowdyboy

(22,057 posts)
8. Been in a very similar situation with my mom and two greedy brothers-in-law....
Sat Jun 14, 2014, 11:01 AM
Jun 2014

It will alter your views of people you once cared for forever .

Thoughts, vibes, prayers-whatever you prefer-headed your way.

smallcat88

(426 posts)
9. Sympathies and best wishes
Sat Jun 14, 2014, 11:12 AM
Jun 2014

I would recommend telling your brother you are the sole heir unless you think he might then be inclined to do you harm. But you said he's storing drugs? Is there someone, like a parole officer, you can contact? If he's still engaged in illegal activities I would think that would be enough to disqualify him from taking over a role your father clearly wanted you to have.

And continue to get your story out there. Keep it in the public eye if you can. It may help to discourage your brother. Criminals tend to shy away from a spotlight.

DesertDiamond

(1,616 posts)
10. Chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo right now for your dad's protection from your brother's darkness!
Sat Jun 14, 2014, 11:21 AM
Jun 2014

And for you to have more time with your beautiful dad!

 

Demeter

(85,373 posts)
11. There's a good plug for single-child policy
Sat Jun 14, 2014, 11:23 AM
Jun 2014

except what if your loving brother had been that single child?

My father disinherited one of his 4 children, and put his estate in a trust. I understand his reasons, and his intentions, and it was his to distribute as he saw fit. He was trying to maximize the benefits to his heirs.

But it's causing conflict between those relatives who agree, and those who talk loosely about breaking the trust and just splitting up the inheritance (which I'm told is impossible...I'm no lawyer, so I don't know; but I have no reason to think such a move would help me or my children or my niece and nephew).

 

1StrongBlackMan

(31,849 posts)
13. You were told correctly ...
Sat Jun 14, 2014, 11:50 AM
Jun 2014

There are very few ways to dissolve a trust ... and even fewer after the person establish the trust passes on ... that is the reason for having a trust.

ETA: And those that try to break up the trust, usually end up in prison.

 

1StrongBlackMan

(31,849 posts)
12. My heart goes out to you ...
Sat Jun 14, 2014, 11:43 AM
Jun 2014

You're under enough stress without having to deal with family drama. I've found that grave illness + money = family losing their mind.

Though I don't have all the facts, if the directive provides you as Medical Power of Attorney (is any attorney drafted directive would) your brother has no say, regarding any medical decision related to your father.

I'm surprised any hospital would even entertain listening to your brother, let alone litigate the matter.

However, I sense there is more going on, like how is his care being paid for? Has the hospital talked to you about moving your dad to a different facility?

(I'm not asking to know ... but few lawyers would litigate who has the decision making authority that is spelled out in the directive.)

Fantastic Anarchist

(7,309 posts)
14. You fight and you fight like hell!
Sat Jun 14, 2014, 10:37 PM
Jun 2014

I'm in a similar situation. My older sister is a sociopath ex-convict. I have a younger sister who is brain injured. If anything should happen, God forbid, to my mom, I will take her in. My older sister doesn't know that my mom and I have discussed this. My mom explicitly told me she doesn't want my older sister anywhere near my younger sister.

I just keep waiting for the day where this bridge is going to have to be crossed. I will fight like hell.

My sympathies with your situation.

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