Dad was the most important influence on my life.

A major one: "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.'

He lived to be 98 so we had many years with him, but not enough.

Dad took us for early morning walks and taught all of us to swim. Then he'd take us to the market and buy fresh fruit. I still exercise four days a week and eat fresh fruit daily.

He also told us that if we forget our history we could find ourselves back in the cane piece (cane fields).
He took us to nearly every sports event as well.

Mother passed when I was young, and he kept us together thereafter. He remarried a fine woman, so I had 2 mothers.

Orange juice and fresh bread every day!

And a lawyer who hoped to inspire me to do the same. He did, by example. Somehow, 'justice' always a main concern. Brother's also an attorney. THEY went to 'The Garden' together!' And ME, to the ballet!

And TRAVEL, we all went to Europe, October 4, 1957! KNOW what ELSE happened on that date???

Nice dad.
Dad and mom took me to England - he wanted me to study law at his University. I said no - law was not for me. The sister after me is the lawyer and now another sister's daughter as well.

Sounds like you had a great dad and two great moms.

And a nephew was born on Oct. 4 MANY years later! A date that shall remain in 'infamy!'

VERY great dad, and just returned from trip to grocery in his car, which he gave me when he (thankfully) realized he shouldn't drive any longer. 2 great moms too.

I said the same as you to Dad about me studying law; hadn't adopted it for myself until I'd worked as a legal secretary in legal services agencies, and decided, I can do THAT!!! So went home to NY from Chicago with a 'surprise!' We can only guess what they thought the surprise was! I said, I'm going to law school! GREAT delight among them all!

He never knew

We had the funnest conversations, when they came up to DC, and if my brother, and cousin who lived here (and helped me get a job here) visited, it was a riot of legal discourse! (My husband tool) Poor Mom!)

I try to follow that.

He wasn't a creative man himself but he loved all of it - art, music, ballet, crafters, actors, singers.


He would look at the stars at night - because he believed that was where creativity lies. Up there.

Mom taught us art, music, ballet, etc athough I can sing every song on most Gilbert and Sullivan shows thanks to dad playing them on Sundays. He also exposed us to the great jazz masters (and mistresses).

Your country does things that it tells you and wants you to believe only other countries do.


He was Green Beret in the 60's and 70's - he do some of those things. He knew.

Which is funny because we disagree on just about everything. But he has his own form of integrity, his own truths and he has lived a life that makes sense to him, a good life.

I took that statement to heart, always will. Thank you for asking.

Last edited Sun Jun 15, 2014, 12:05 PM - Edit history (1)

in order to be a good secretary.


Silly guy.


He was wrong about not making money as an artist, but I am glad that I learned to type.

Mom made me learn to type

In later years, he always would wear this ball cap that said, " I'm like Reagan, I always forget". Oh...he'd also say to republicans, " I'll hug your elephant if you would kiss my ass".

Hahahahahha - love it

He knew I didn't have a father and I know now this was his way of making me feel like I was a part of the family.

What a wonderful man he was and I got to share him with the children and the children-in-law for 40 years
until he passed.

I love you CB...


Tikki

He was a wise and kind hearted soul. I feel most fortunate to have had him for a dad.

Julie

I did learn that hard work is nothing to be ashamed of - he never disrespected people.

He said very little but what he did say I did the opposite and did just fine.

dad not so much

Smart man, my dad.

this is pretty much my Dad's take on religion.My Dad is also a very smart guy.

So he raised us Catholic and so we hated Baptists even more (not really, he always made stuff up) but then when I was about 9 he let some Baptist lady start dragging me to her chuech all the time and take me to revivals. I've been saved twice by Pat Boone.

Dad's big sister was the original family atheist - she had a profound influence on my life.
She never went near a religious institution, but fed the poor every Friday with home made bread and a huge pot of soup. She laughed out loud at religious people. I can see her now.

Last edited Sat Jun 14, 2014, 08:19 PM - Edit history (1)

I've told my daughter so many stories about him… he so loved and respected kids, that she considers him, very fondly, as her grandpa.

he taught us how to change our oil and tires, check the fuses and other basic car repair. he taught us how to fight and defend ourselves. he taught us how to split wood and start a fire.

he taught us to work hard. he taught us to be respectful of others. he taught us to be respectful of the outdoors.

i am a daddy's girl and know that he is not a perfect man, but he is a damn good man.

Mice

He lost his sight due to spinal meningitis before his 5th birthday. On a bright day, he could tell that it was daylight, but that's all the sight he had. However, he never considered himself to be handicapped and there was very little that he couldn't do or wouldn't try.

He could do carpentry (added two rooms to our house including wiring, plumbing and roofing), was a good shade tree mechanic and worked all during my childhood as a steel bandsaw operator for a small manufacturer in town. We lived on a small "farmette" where we had cows, chickens etc. because he loved working with animals.

He was curious about everything and never stopped learning. Because of the physical labor her did, his fingers were so calloused that reading braille was difficult for him, so my brother, sister and I read magazine articles and to him from the time we learned to read.

What we learned from Daddy was that knowledge is a valuable commodity, you can accomplish amazing things if you are willing to work for them and that all kinds of adversities can be overcome.

Wow!!

i.e. he never, ever said "That's a stupid question".

Or "You can't do that because you're a girl" (I got that from my mom a few times)

Stuff like that.

Dads matter

man, father that he is. because of the man he is, i learned self worth. i saw what respect was. and was able to insist, demand, look for just that, all my life. it directs the course we go. and when not afforded this, from our father, or other strong male influence, we have to consciously work on self, to get it. i believe. i had the easy way. i had my father hand it to me.

and periodically i let him know, how thank filled i am, that is the gift he gave me.

then.... i can go on with so much more.

but that one/ just that one, is pretty life changing.

You had a great dad

Definitely influenced how I live to this day.

That would influence my life.

after I my car broke down and I was 30 minutes late (which made me a "slut&quot --that's when he wasn't telling me I was crazy and hypersensitive, ridiculing me after whipping me until I bled, or forcing me to sleep in a pitch black room with the door shut when it was crawling with large cockroaches.

There are definitely people who've had it a lot worse than me. He never sexually abused me. But I really cannot comprehend the stories you all are writing. It's like you all live on a different planet.

I wouldn't have said anything but NickB79 gave me courage.

My ex let me down in numerous ways but he's been a great father and I've bent over backwards to help him do that. Females with strong fathers are a powerful force. My girls simply cannot imagine a world where they wake up every day terrified of their father. He's their backbone, not a terror to escape. Thank God.

others had a horrific time. I was never afraid of my mom or dad.
I'm glad yours girls have a great dad and you helped empower them.

and reading nicks comment, i applaud his voice, in this thread. so reading your post, i say, i am glad you too spoke what you experienced.

i know on mother day, (mothers) threads, that we get the same posts, that do not wrap mothers up in a hug of love, because of their own personal experience. that world is a different world for me, and i have always stood in support of those that spoke out, .... though not the positive expected.

i am glad your girls got different. it does matter.

He was shot and killed when I was four.

Sad

he'd lived long enough to do so. But his older brother gave me a few pointers. He told me to marry someone I was "comfortable with" and to take a job that paid well.

Hard to lose a dad early.

Professor Emeritus Civil Engineering Technical University, Delft.

His other advice was usually couched in allegorical form.

Can't have a beer after work ... If you don't go to work.

Bet you got a job

know where to start. Here are a few:

"If you're completely sure you're right, stick to what you believe."
"You can do anything. All you need to do is learn how to do it, and then go ahead."
"If you see someone in trouble, you have a responsibility to do something, even if it is just to call for help."
"Never compromise your principles to make money. Principles succeed in the long term"
"Stop and think before taking any action. Understand what you're going to do before doing it."
"Never use your strength or superior skills to take unfair advantage of others."
"Almost always, if you act on strong ethical principles, you will prevail over those without principle."
"If you fail at something, rethink your approach and try again."
"Understand your abilities and limitations, and act accordingly."
"Stand up for those less able against those who would take advantage of them."
"Anything involving sex that does not include enthusiastic mutual consent is wrong."
"Always consider the long-term results of short-term actions."
"Drive as though every other vehicle is driven by someone who is trying to kill you."
"If possible, walk away from a potentially violent situation."
"If physically attacked and you cannot withdraw safely, disable your attacker as quickly as possible."
"Never fight with anyone who is better armed or far more skilled."
"Always be ready to apologize if you are in the wrong."
"If you have done something in error, readily confess your error and attempt to correct the situation."
"If, after attempting to understand a problem, you cannot find a solution, ask for help."
"Treat every stranger as a friend, and you will have many friends."
"Always be aware of your surroundings, including others in your surroundings."
"Do not act in anger. Instead remove yourself from the situation and reconsider."
"Never initiate violence."
"Make allies through positive actions whenever possible."
"When interacting with strangers, identify areas of common ground as soon as possible."
"Listen before speaking."
"All knowledge is available to you. Seek out the knowledge you need."
"Step up to lend a hand whenever possible and others will lend you a hand when you need it."
"Recognize the limitations of others, and do not insist that they exceed their capacity."
"Give in preference to taking."
"Do not kill what you will not eat."

I could go on for hours.

He sure gave you good advice - it explains yours world view

Dad always said to give and remain silent about giving.

in marginal health. For the past two years, I have been calling him and my mother, who is the same age, daily. I live halfway across the country from them, so that has been very important to all of us recently.

At the age of 20, he was a first pilot of a B-17 out of Italy and North Africa. When I think of what I was doing at age 20, I realize just how mature he was at that age. I'm glad to have known the man all of my life. I'm lucky.

Tell him Happy Father's Day from me

They had to.

"Learn to laugh at yourself. If you can't do that, others will certainly do it for you."

I tell students that all the time - my aunt taught me that one.

Not taking yourself too seriously is difficult lesson, but an essential one.

It may be the most important lesson in life.

It's always a good sign.

You have no right to laugh at others. Lots of humans take themselves way too seriously.

He never preached it as a life stile, he just was that way.
Don't get me wrong, my Dad might complain if you gave him a million dollars and a new car. He wasn't always the most pleasant person to be around.
On the other hand. The world could be going to hell in a hand basket with uncles, aunts, neighbors and co-workers running around in panicked circles. He'd lean back on the fender of the car, look all thoughtful for a few minutes and then just do something.
Never once said something like "I'm in charge here" or even an "I got it", just went ahead and did something.
Wasn't always graceful about it. Sometimes things didn't end as well as they might have. Things ended, something got done.
I should mention one other important part of this. Somettimes the right thing to do is nothing, just let it be.
I sort of had to learn that one the hard way.

Do something or nothing

One needs consider the effect of their inaction as carefully as the results of any action that may be taken.

No action was my only option, because I have no expertise in dealing with her son who has mental health issues. I referred her to an expert and she is still upset.

For the sake of you're own mental health it is best to realize that you are not all powerful. You can't fix everything.
You can't make everything right in fact you may do more harm than good.
That would be the part of this I learned the hard way.

I wouldn't amount to much.

Sometimes hurtful comments drive us to succeed.

He also joked that God's favorite snack was "Cheez-Its of Nazareth".

If you don't want to read a post extolling a father, it's time to click out now......



My father was one of the best men I ever met. He passed away in 2010 of Parkinson's Disease at age 92. He survived the Depression, was a Captain in WW2 with Patton in Europe, came home, graduated first in his class at UF Law School, joined a small law firm and did exceptionally well in that profession. It's unfortunate his marriage to my mother was so troubled. Anyway, moving on....

He was a man of high integrity. He was very kind, too kind really. He really loved my brother and I, but like some men of his generation, could not easily show it. He was a real pillar of the community, both at home and in public. My son is now an adult, and I can honestly say in some ways I was inferior to my dad in some ways. In other ways, I was not. He was an absolutely wonderful father. He did many things with me. He was the leader of my Boy Scout troop and hiked the Appalachian Trail at age 52 (!) with my brother and I.

I could go on and on, but my Dad was really wonderful. Yes, he was human with faults, but as I said earlier, he set an extremely high bar for me as a father.

Now I'm getting a bit emotional.

he was not a good father...unless you confine your definition of "good" to "providing", as he did.

And he voted for Nixon twice (but oddly not 3 times).

Which is why I think just about everything in life is more important than money, have never had any, and have always voted Democratic.

Sadly, lots of men thought providing was 'fathering'.

His family lost everything in the Crash in '29 when he was 6, and that was the lesson he carried forward: "financial security is all". Voting for Nixon in '68 and '72 was another attempt to control his environment--he had 3 rebellious teenagers to contend with at the time. Unfortunately, the GI-bill educated fan of FDR and voter for Kennedy never looked back after that.

I loved him of course, but the narrow confines of his fears made me very sad.

and provide adequate shelter. I know what you mean but sometimes we judge them from our circumstances.

He was a right winger who said "This country has always had a genius for creating wealth. It has just never figured out how to distribute the rewards."

I've always wished that instead of illusory tax cuts had governed his voting.

Mom controlled all money matters. She was marvelous at book-keeping.

and I can remember some pretty wild arguments about when to sell a stock, the amount difference each thought the stock would achieve was measured in pennies. Or parts of pennies. My mother had gotten in when her mother died, leaving her stocks that had survived the Depression and rebounded enough to keep my grandmother quite comfortable.

I can also remember the wedding anniversary when he gave her a block of US Steel stock and she countered "How romantic!" but I knew she was pretty pleased.

How romantic indeed

I do my best to avoid those three whether it's from my heart or others.

Good thread!

Leave 'em alone.

Thanks - our dad's deserve a nice thread.

He liked science and history. He still does.

and mom took us to the public library from we could read.
Yes we were surrounded by books. Tell him Happy Fathers Day from us all.

I've thought of him so many times reading here the last few weeks. Here's one example. Watergate hearings, 72. Our household is enthralled by the proceedings, Dad has waited years to see Nixon brought to task. Representative Barbara Jordan became his favorite, he was so grateful for her finally saying, and saying so well, the things he wanted said.
So Dad points out to me the fact that for Jordan to be sitting where she was, with the power to ask those questions, was harder for her than for her Congressional peers. I ask why. Dad says 'Look at the damn Congress. They are almost all men, and almost all white. To get where she is she had to fight harder than the men, harder than the white people, doors that would open to you she had to kick down or charm opened. The fact that she is there at all means she is smarter, better and more committed than the men. It means we should be very glad she put up with all she put up with in order to be sitting here speaking her mind and mine. So many people do not want women or black people to have such jobs and they try to obstruct them so when you see a woman like her, rest assured she is the smartest most talented person present, or she'd not be present, if they could deny her they would, but they can't because she's that damn good.'
People here still quibble over what to call that dynamic. Dad just said 'look at the damn Congress'. He did not know terms like 'white privilege' but he sure as fuck knew what he was looking at.
He was a white man in that time who told me this: When you grow up, you would make me proud if you were a person like Barbara Jordan'.
I told him this: I would rather be like you Dad.
This is what he said: You can be more and better than your Dad. You can be like her. Be like her, seek justice and take no shit from anyone.

I miss him every fucking day that I draw breath, and all I do if because of and for him.

Great dad

On the bright side, I got some cool plastic model kits for the next few Christmases and birthdays.
[hr][font color="blue"][center]All things in moderation, including moderation.[/center][/font][hr]

how you live?

But leaving was the single, most relevant change to my life. I grew up without much in the way of role models at all, other than a grandfather who sat in his recliner watching football games and his son, my uncle, who lived with his parents until the day he died.

So my father leaving 'encouraged' me to 'copy-paste' the attributes of those around me I thought were worth having for myself. I sort of built my personality from the ground up, if that doesn't sound too narcissistic.
[hr][font color="blue"][center]"If you're bored then you're boring." -Harvey Danger[/center][/font][hr]

It's survival. Any parent's departure has a profound effect on kids.

remember that." I did. Also, "We hate the English and the Irish," with a chuckle, and taught me to wear the family plaid on St. Patrick's Day. "We" were also Indian because his mother was half-Cherokee, "remember that but don't talk to grandma about it." He was a man of few words, but would crack up at his own stories that I could barely hear as we drove down country roads with the windows down. He taught me to play baseball, milk a cow, pick pecans, and love western movies. He gave me a sense of magic and mysticism about everything in this world. Then later in life in 1960's, he solemnly said "We hate Halliburton." Never elaborated, don't know if it went as far back as early oil days in Oklahoma, but that was my sense. Now wish I had recorded all his stories.

I am sure that my following Dad's advice is why at an early age I became an atheist and remain one to this day.

Mine never took me to task in a punitive and soul breaking way. Ever.

When I was little, my mom thought that when a kid acted up, then the kid deserved a whipping, but she also thought the man of the house should do it.

So he would sternly give me a look, that sent me off to the bedroom. Then he would put a big pillow on the bed next to my prone body, and whip at the pillow with a belt, while I shouted out "cries of pain." (How the two of us didn't burst out laughing, I will never know.)

He gave me approval for any small or large thing I did well.

When I got caught holding almost a pound of marijuana for a friend, when I was in my late teens, my mom wanted to kick me out.

He pointed out that back in the day, he had utilized his skills making bootleg gin to pay bills, and he couldn't treat me harshly without being a hypocrite.

Instead, he asked me the penalty for the amount I held, if I were to be caught by the police. Back in 1971, that was a mere $ 200 fine. (Shows you how harsh things go after Nancy Reagan and her "Just say no campaign.&quot

He said, "If you get caught, I will bail you out and get you out of jail, but it is up to you to have that $ 200 ready for me to use as your bail. I will not spend my money getting you out"

In other words, don't do the crime, if you can't face the punishment. I truly believe that if he had been harsher with me, I would have become a full blown rebel, but as what he was saying made total sense, I incorporated it into my life. To this day, if I am thinking about breaking a law, I think about the penalty and whether or not I can handle that penalty.

He was honest to a fault, happy to be the friend to those richer than him, and to those who were poorer, and a wonderful guy all around. (Though I admit you had to be able to tolerate corny jokes.)

Amazingly, given how early on his parents had died, he lived to be ninety, and I thought at the end maybe he was immortal. I can't say a week goes by that I don't still wish I could pick up the phone to hear his voice.

A great man

but also threatened to beat me to a pulp if he ever
caught me again with my pants off (I was 6) with
an older male relative (age 14).
(Note, I didn't take them off.) This memory has
broken my heart many times for many years.
But I love the cartoon genes and whistling genes he
gave me.

who settled in Missouri. Religion was not part of my upbringing. Instead, sundays for us was a drive to the mountains, desert or beaches of Southern California to enjoy and be a part of nature. And he always insisted we leave the area better than we found it. Which really meant we picked up trash and hauled it home. Close to the end of his 93 years, he said to me, "I can't believe I'm near the end of the trail. It's gone by so fast." To me, he meant live each day to its fullest.