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MineralMan

(146,192 posts)
Sun Jun 22, 2014, 01:26 PM Jun 2014

When two people are getting started with exploring sexuality together,

Isn't some conversation typical? That's always been the case in every relationship I've been in. As soon as sexuality entered the relationship, and before clothing started getting removed, I always remember some sort of conversation. Things like, "This is fun. Where do you see it going?" Sometimes, the answer might be, "Well, let's fool around, but I don't want to take it beyond..." Or, "Well, let's explore this, but I don't want to have intercourse with you yet." So, that's what happened in those situations. Sometimes, the relationship never went beyond the fooling around stage, and sometimes, on some other occasion, it did. But for that particular time, there was a "No," in those comments, for me.

Then, there's also the "I don't know. Let's see where it goes" answer. In those situations, the decisions come later, with some additional conversation. Sometimes consent is conditional on how the two people feel about things as they explore. But consent needs to be not only acquiescence, but enthusiastic and clearly given, or it doesn't exist, as far as I'm concerned.

Don't people talk about what they're doing, at least a little? Maybe I'm weird, but sex has always involved the use of language for me, and some discussion about what was going on. It's also involved caring about what the other person wanted and didn't want. I can't imagine it any other way. I don't get it, really, I guess. Ethically, sex has to be a matter of mutual, enthusiastic consent, or the ethics aren't there, I believe.

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When two people are getting started with exploring sexuality together, (Original Post) MineralMan Jun 2014 OP
I usually start with "let's meet back here in an hour and compare notes." Orrex Jun 2014 #1
I guess everyone does things in a unique way. MineralMan Jun 2014 #2
not for me in my younger days cali Jun 2014 #3
I think that was pretty common for many of us when we were younger. MineralMan Jun 2014 #7
Yes, conversation is typical. TransitJohn Jun 2014 #4
Indeed. That conversation is not atypical, either. MineralMan Jun 2014 #5
Yep, generally it went something like, "what do you like to do?" n/t RKP5637 Jun 2014 #6
Or, "What don't you like to do?" MineralMan Jun 2014 #8
Yep! My partners and I were fast back then, usually this type of RKP5637 Jun 2014 #14
No details are needed. MineralMan Jun 2014 #15
You are JustAnotherGen Jun 2014 #9
I think many start the exploration with hands. Gormy Cuss Jun 2014 #10
I remember being a teenager very well. MineralMan Jun 2014 #12
I'm not sure you can use the term "typical" for anything dealing with human interactions, especially FSogol Jun 2014 #11
Sure. I can see that. Sometimes, consent is clear and mutual without words. MineralMan Jun 2014 #13
Ah, you used hand language! LOL n/t RKP5637 Jun 2014 #16
This is the sneakiest way to start a sex thread I have seen. AngryAmish Jun 2014 #17
LOL!! madinmaryland Jun 2014 #22
Usually, though there was one situation that didn't NutmegYankee Jun 2014 #18
I guess you didn't enthusiastically consent, then... MineralMan Jun 2014 #19
Most human communication is non-verbal The Road Runner Jun 2014 #20
See, that's where I disagree with you. MineralMan Jun 2014 #21
I am pretty sure anything that can happen, will happen...it's all good if consenting adults. Tikki Jun 2014 #23
 

cali

(114,904 posts)
3. not for me in my younger days
Sun Jun 22, 2014, 01:36 PM
Jun 2014

I had a tendency to fall into bed and end up with relationships- that mostly didn't work out well. I was all for the one night stand, but the men always wanted something more....

MineralMan

(146,192 posts)
7. I think that was pretty common for many of us when we were younger.
Sun Jun 22, 2014, 01:43 PM
Jun 2014

Still, there was always some discussion at some point, that involved, "Yeah. Let's go for it" or something like that.

TransitJohn

(6,932 posts)
4. Yes, conversation is typical.
Sun Jun 22, 2014, 01:37 PM
Jun 2014

Usually, in my case:
"Hey! Let's get butt naked and fuck!"
Followed by an enthusiastic:
"Okay!"

MineralMan

(146,192 posts)
5. Indeed. That conversation is not atypical, either.
Sun Jun 22, 2014, 01:40 PM
Jun 2014

I've had a few conversations that were similar to that, too, usually with the woman making the first statement. The late 60s and early 70s were like that sometimes. They were rarer than I probably would have liked, though, in those days.

RKP5637

(67,032 posts)
14. Yep! My partners and I were fast back then, usually this type of
Sun Jun 22, 2014, 01:58 PM
Jun 2014

dialog started after we were in bed totally naked and ready to try something. I had a lot of fun back in those days! No details will be given! LOL

JustAnotherGen

(31,683 posts)
9. You are
Sun Jun 22, 2014, 01:49 PM
Jun 2014

A bit older than me . . . As noted by the 60's and 70's reference.

That means you never got to be young and beautiful and free in the 90's right?

Hook Up + Bill Clinton + X ='s no convo!

Gormy Cuss

(30,884 posts)
10. I think many start the exploration with hands.
Sun Jun 22, 2014, 01:49 PM
Jun 2014

Only later do words come into the picture, if ever.
Think in particular about teens.

MineralMan

(146,192 posts)
12. I remember being a teenager very well.
Sun Jun 22, 2014, 01:54 PM
Jun 2014

What I remember was asking "Would it be OK if I...?"

Generally, the answer was, "Sure." Sometimes, though, it was "Not yet." The question always came first for me, though. I didn't let my hands wander until I knew it was OK. A few times, though, I remember my hand being moved somewhere new by the other person. That's enthusiastic consent.

FSogol

(45,360 posts)
11. I'm not sure you can use the term "typical" for anything dealing with human interactions, especially
Sun Jun 22, 2014, 01:51 PM
Jun 2014

sex. Back when I traveled more and was getting ready for a big mountaineering trip, I had a short fling with a woman from some Scandinavian country. We couldn't understand a single word of each other's language, but had a wonderful few days together.

NutmegYankee

(16,178 posts)
18. Usually, though there was one situation that didn't
Sun Jun 22, 2014, 03:11 PM
Jun 2014

One woman I dated in my mid-20s creeped me out a bit and she was was very aggressive and basically undressed me. Lucky for guys, if you just aren't into it, the hydraulics usually don't come online and that ends the encounter.

The Road Runner

(109 posts)
20. Most human communication is non-verbal
Sun Jun 22, 2014, 03:34 PM
Jun 2014

It is quite possible to convey consent to one's partner non-verbally.

I'd also question the idea that consent must be "enthusiastic". This seems like a rather subjective term. Moreover, there are all kinds of situations where valid consent can be given unenthusiastically.

MineralMan

(146,192 posts)
21. See, that's where I disagree with you.
Sun Jun 22, 2014, 03:36 PM
Jun 2014

I believe that consent must be explicitly given, and that requires words. Relying on non-verbal clues easily leads to misunderstandings. I also stand by the "enthusiastic consent" rule. You might feel differently. I'm giving you my opinion in this thread.

Tikki

(14,539 posts)
23. I am pretty sure anything that can happen, will happen...it's all good if consenting adults.
Sun Jun 22, 2014, 03:53 PM
Jun 2014

Just watched a really good movie on Netflix.."WEEKEND" all about words, deeds and vulnerability in a new relationship.



Tikki

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