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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsGeorgia Man Shoots Himself In The Dick, Doesn't Notice
Georgia Man Shoots Himself In The Dick, Doesn't NoticeTim Marchman
Deadspin/The Concourse
Here is a parable for our age. It involves a gun-wielding man shooting himself in the dick and apparently failing to notice.
The relevant part of an incident report we obtained from the Bibb County sheriff's office is reproduced below, but the gist is that the police were called to a hospital to investigate a self-inflicted gunshot wound. A 23-year-old gun enthusiast was, it turns, for some reason holstering a semi-automatic pistol while parked at a gas station, and managed to shoot himself. He drove to a friend's house (!), took off his pants, and "saw that he had shot himself in the penis and that the bullet exited out his buttocks," after which he was driven to the emergency room. Hospital police called the sheriff's office, resulting in this wonderful narrative...
The rest: http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/georgia-man-shoots-himself-in-the-dick-doesnt-notice-1594783276/+marchman
Yes, I said "dick." Seems appropriate on many levels.
billh58
(6,635 posts)KamaAina
(78,249 posts)Death is not necessary, merely the removal of oneself from the gene pool through stupidity.
sakabatou
(42,083 posts)gopiscrap
(23,674 posts)niyad
(112,435 posts)along with, "exactly how high was this fool?"
tclambert
(11,080 posts)dballance
(5,756 posts)What was this guy drinking, smoking, ingesting, injecting? How the FUCK do you NOT realize you shot yourself when it entered through the penis and exited through the buttocks? I don't know about the rest of us relatively "normal" men but I think I'd notice if I shot myself in my penis. It is in a rather sensitive area - for me at least.
Also, I want to see the size of this guy to see how a bullet was slowed down enough while passing through his body and ass that it didn't pass completely through his body and out the back of his pants. I've seen some ballistic gel re-creations of gun shots on MythBusters. It takes a lot to stop a projectile. I'm guessing his jeans were not really Kevlar. Although, with the number of shootings these days perhaps they should be.
Revanchist
(1,375 posts)They say it was a .45! You have to be really messed up to not notice getting shot at point blank range with that caliber. If it was a .22 then maybe I can see not noticing but a .45?
Half-Century Man
(5,279 posts)And not set them on fire?
Had to have been so drunk he pissed himself.
How did he miss his femoral artery?
I'm guessing massive ass.
Revanchist
(1,375 posts)the odds of setting the clothing on fire is very small.
ljm2002
(10,751 posts)...and was too drunk to know it until the next morning when the sheriffs and medics showed up. At that point he tried to stand up but found that for some reason, he could not do so...
He had sat there all night, 6 hours or so, not realizing what had happened. Amazingly, he lived to tell the tale.
dballance
(5,756 posts)How messed up on something does one have to be to not notice they shot themselves through their dick and ass? I know I've probably been at that point in my life - too drunk to notice.
Nitram
(22,671 posts)among other things.
Coventina
(26,874 posts)His dick told the police "I know we've had our share of fistfights but I never thought he'd pull a gun on me."
Comment on the story at link.
phantom power
(25,966 posts)Turbineguy
(37,212 posts)he blew his brains out.
Jefferson23
(30,099 posts)Blanks
(4,835 posts)mindwalker_i
(4,407 posts)Soylent Brice
(8,308 posts)Aerows
(39,961 posts)But I suspect I would notice if I shot myself and it exited my buttocks. Or actually ended up falling out of my pants. Or if I discharged a firearm in general.
corkhead
(6,119 posts)marble falls
(56,359 posts)VP Dick Cheney Injured In Freak Duck Hunting Accident
Posted on July 07, 2012. Tags: buckshot, dick cheney, duck hunting, penis, shot gun, shotgun, Wyoming hunting
Posted by Bargis Tryhol
VP Dick Cheney Injured In Freak Duck Hunting Accident
Tyler, Wyoming (GlossyNews.com) Ex-vice president Dick Cheney, an avid bird hunter who has helped his post heart transplant surgery by getting back outdoors, was injured in a freak accident duck hunting at one of the lakes in rural Wyoming. According to close friends, Cheney recently was out on the marsh for a weekend of hunting with friends and some staffers. As circumstance would have it, he decided to relieve himself against a pine tree
Thats when troubled brewed.
According to Lester Fine, a life-long guide and friend of the VPs, Cheney walked over to a nearby pine tree and propped up his gun against the rough bark. Suddenly, an errant gust of wind blew the shotgun over and it fell toward the ground. As he tried to grab it the shotgun accidentally discharged, shooting Chenery squarely in the genitals.
The shot was heard by other friends who rushed the unconscious Cheney to a nearby hospital in Cheyenne.
Several hours later, while lying comfortably in a hospital bed, Cheney was approached by his surgeon Dr. Edwin P. Morse.
Since most men would ask the same question after receiving so many pellets into their body, Cheney immediately asked about the condition of his private parts and was reassured that he was receiving the best of care at Saint Andrews Surgical Hospital.
Dr. Morse explained as Cheney intently listened, Well, Mr. Vice President, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was localized to your groin area, there was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot.
So, whats the bad news? asked Cheney, now a little worried.
Dr. Morse: The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. Im going to have to refer you to my brother for further treatment.
Oh, well I guess that isnt too bad, Cheney replied with some relief in his voice, is your brother a plastic surgeon?
Mmmmm, not exactly. Hes a piccolo player in our local symphony orchestra and hes going to teach you where to put your fingers so you dont piss in your eye.
ED NOTE: Bargis Tryhol is a seasoned writer famous for his parodies on those walkers who trod theleft-side-of-the-street. Please visit his outrageous website for more fun and a chance to win big prizes!www.satireworld.com
marble falls
(56,359 posts)MrScorpio
(73,626 posts)lpbk2713
(42,696 posts)... no more fun for him.
Helen Borg
(3,963 posts)Imagining the exact trajectory of the bullet...
marble falls
(56,359 posts)AND drove home. Dick and ass seemed to be double duty words here, alright.
rateyes
(17,438 posts)nadinbrzezinski
(154,021 posts)how the hell do you not feel a shot through that area of the body... poor circulation, nerve damage? WHAT???
And Will, some here are reaching for two things...
AAAALLLLEEEERRRTTTT it is almost reflexive now
And this
We are all adults though, so dick, dick, dick, dick...
Fred Gilmore
(80 posts)"Gun Dick Shoots Himself In The Nuts"
No Vested Interest
(5,157 posts)after reading this I'm now set for a long happy life.
Coventina
(26,874 posts)No Vested Interest
(5,157 posts)madamesilverspurs
(15,784 posts)unblock
(51,974 posts)JHB
(37,132 posts)...and it's some other Georgia man.
obxhead
(8,434 posts)ECHOFIELDS
(25 posts)Sonofa gun,
bad guy with a gun
shoots good guy with a pee shooter,
good guy loses his pee shooter,
butt feels no loss,
bad guy goes to hospital
for surgical removal of redundant posterior orifice