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WilliamPitt

(58,179 posts)
Mon Jun 23, 2014, 05:11 PM Jun 2014

Georgia Man Shoots Himself In The Dick, Doesn't Notice

Georgia Man Shoots Himself In The Dick, Doesn't Notice
Tim Marchman
Deadspin/The Concourse

Here is a parable for our age. It involves a gun-wielding man shooting himself in the dick and apparently failing to notice.

The relevant part of an incident report we obtained from the Bibb County sheriff's office is reproduced below, but the gist is that the police were called to a hospital to investigate a self-inflicted gunshot wound. A 23-year-old gun enthusiast was, it turns, for some reason holstering a semi-automatic pistol while parked at a gas station, and managed to shoot himself. He drove to a friend's house (!), took off his pants, and "saw that he had shot himself in the penis and that the bullet exited out his buttocks," after which he was driven to the emergency room. Hospital police called the sheriff's office, resulting in this wonderful narrative...

The rest: http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/georgia-man-shoots-himself-in-the-dick-doesnt-notice-1594783276/+marchman

Yes, I said "dick." Seems appropriate on many levels.
44 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Georgia Man Shoots Himself In The Dick, Doesn't Notice (Original Post) WilliamPitt Jun 2014 OP
Oh myyyy... n/t billh58 Jun 2014 #1
That is a Darwin Award winner. KamaAina Jun 2014 #2
Nope, he gets an honorable mention sakabatou Jun 2014 #34
there are no words! gopiscrap Jun 2014 #3
sure there are: SNORT!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!! EEEEEEK!!! come to mind. niyad Jun 2014 #23
Were the words, "Hey, you guys, watch this!" uttered at any point? tclambert Jun 2014 #39
Despite the usual abject stupidity of this, HTF do you not notice you shot yourself? dballance Jun 2014 #4
And if you read the report at the link Revanchist Jun 2014 #8
How do you have a pistol fire in your pants Half-Century Man Jun 2014 #28
From what I can find online Revanchist Jun 2014 #32
I know someone personally who was shot in the thigh... ljm2002 Jun 2014 #31
Thanks! That was my whole question. dballance Jun 2014 #33
He must be deaf Nitram Jun 2014 #36
His dick told the police "I know we've had our share of fistfights but I never thought he'd pull a Coventina Jun 2014 #5
Hahahaha! janlyn Jun 2014 #41
maybe he felt threatened by it phantom power Jun 2014 #6
Sounds like Turbineguy Jun 2014 #7
lol, you bad. Jefferson23 Jun 2014 #9
Literally blew them out his ass. eom Blanks Jun 2014 #11
DUZY DebJ Jun 2014 #15
Sounds like a shitty path to achieve bliss mindwalker_i Jun 2014 #30
LMFAO Soylent Brice Jun 2014 #22
I'm not male Aerows Jun 2014 #10
However, if the Dick had shot him, he would have to apologize to it. corkhead Jun 2014 #12
You did know that Cheney was face shot himself a few years earlier and threw a major fit over it.... marble falls Jun 2014 #19
Really did happen, though ........ marble falls Jun 2014 #20
Hopefully the gun is ok. nt MrScorpio Jun 2014 #13
This is my rifle, this is my gun ... lpbk2713 Jun 2014 #25
I still have trouble... Helen Borg Jun 2014 #14
He shot his dick with a .45 cal round that exited his ass and he didn't know he'd shot himself ..... marble falls Jun 2014 #16
I bet he doesn't have the balls to do that again! rateyes Jun 2014 #17
Ok there is something missing in the story nadinbrzezinski Jun 2014 #18
How About This Title To That Link? Fred Gilmore Jun 2014 #21
If overt laughter is good for body and soul, No Vested Interest Jun 2014 #24
Give this one a try as well, hilarity!!!! Coventina Jun 2014 #26
Oh My! nt No Vested Interest Jun 2014 #44
Talk about going off half-cocked! madamesilverspurs Jun 2014 #27
heavily self-medicated, is all i can think! unblock Jun 2014 #29
Dammit! The ONE time I want to see Newt Gingrich in the news... JHB Jun 2014 #35
Did anyone suck out the poison? obxhead Jun 2014 #37
Impotent News ECHOFIELDS Jun 2014 #38
welcome to du niyad Jun 2014 #43
K&R! DeSwiss Jun 2014 #40
What? The bullet was bigger than his willie? muntrv Jun 2014 #42
 

KamaAina

(78,249 posts)
2. That is a Darwin Award winner.
Mon Jun 23, 2014, 05:18 PM
Jun 2014

Death is not necessary, merely the removal of oneself from the gene pool through stupidity.

niyad

(112,435 posts)
23. sure there are: SNORT!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!! EEEEEEK!!! come to mind.
Mon Jun 23, 2014, 06:23 PM
Jun 2014

along with, "exactly how high was this fool?"

 

dballance

(5,756 posts)
4. Despite the usual abject stupidity of this, HTF do you not notice you shot yourself?
Mon Jun 23, 2014, 05:21 PM
Jun 2014

What was this guy drinking, smoking, ingesting, injecting? How the FUCK do you NOT realize you shot yourself when it entered through the penis and exited through the buttocks? I don't know about the rest of us relatively "normal" men but I think I'd notice if I shot myself in my penis. It is in a rather sensitive area - for me at least.

Also, I want to see the size of this guy to see how a bullet was slowed down enough while passing through his body and ass that it didn't pass completely through his body and out the back of his pants. I've seen some ballistic gel re-creations of gun shots on MythBusters. It takes a lot to stop a projectile. I'm guessing his jeans were not really Kevlar. Although, with the number of shootings these days perhaps they should be.

Revanchist

(1,375 posts)
8. And if you read the report at the link
Mon Jun 23, 2014, 05:39 PM
Jun 2014

They say it was a .45! You have to be really messed up to not notice getting shot at point blank range with that caliber. If it was a .22 then maybe I can see not noticing but a .45?

Half-Century Man

(5,279 posts)
28. How do you have a pistol fire in your pants
Mon Jun 23, 2014, 06:45 PM
Jun 2014

And not set them on fire?
Had to have been so drunk he pissed himself.

How did he miss his femoral artery?
I'm guessing massive ass.

ljm2002

(10,751 posts)
31. I know someone personally who was shot in the thigh...
Mon Jun 23, 2014, 07:13 PM
Jun 2014

...and was too drunk to know it until the next morning when the sheriffs and medics showed up. At that point he tried to stand up but found that for some reason, he could not do so...

He had sat there all night, 6 hours or so, not realizing what had happened. Amazingly, he lived to tell the tale.

 

dballance

(5,756 posts)
33. Thanks! That was my whole question.
Mon Jun 23, 2014, 07:18 PM
Jun 2014

How messed up on something does one have to be to not notice they shot themselves through their dick and ass? I know I've probably been at that point in my life - too drunk to notice.

Coventina

(26,874 posts)
5. His dick told the police "I know we've had our share of fistfights but I never thought he'd pull a
Mon Jun 23, 2014, 05:28 PM
Jun 2014

His dick told the police "I know we've had our share of fistfights but I never thought he'd pull a gun on me."

Comment on the story at link.

 

Aerows

(39,961 posts)
10. I'm not male
Mon Jun 23, 2014, 05:42 PM
Jun 2014

But I suspect I would notice if I shot myself and it exited my buttocks. Or actually ended up falling out of my pants. Or if I discharged a firearm in general.

marble falls

(56,359 posts)
19. You did know that Cheney was face shot himself a few years earlier and threw a major fit over it....
Mon Jun 23, 2014, 06:14 PM
Jun 2014

VP Dick Cheney Injured In Freak Duck Hunting Accident

Posted on July 07, 2012. Tags: buckshot, dick cheney, duck hunting, penis, shot gun, shotgun, Wyoming hunting
Posted by Bargis Tryhol
VP Dick Cheney Injured In Freak Duck Hunting Accident

Tyler, Wyoming – (GlossyNews.com) – Ex-vice president Dick Cheney, an avid bird hunter who has helped his post heart transplant surgery by getting back outdoors, was injured in a freak accident duck hunting at one of the lakes in rural Wyoming. According to close friends, Cheney recently was out on the marsh for a weekend of hunting with friends and some staffers. As circumstance would have it, he decided to relieve himself against a pine tree… That’s when troubled brewed.

According to Lester Fine, a life-long guide and friend of the VP’s, Cheney walked over to a nearby pine tree and propped up his gun against the rough bark. Suddenly, an errant gust of wind blew the shotgun over and it fell toward the ground. As he tried to grab it the shotgun accidentally discharged, shooting Chenery squarely in the genitals.

The shot was heard by other friends who rushed the unconscious Cheney to a nearby hospital in Cheyenne.

Several hours later, while lying comfortably in a hospital bed, Cheney was approached by his surgeon Dr. Edwin P. Morse.

“Since most men would ask the same question after receiving so many pellets into their body, Cheney immediately asked about the condition of his private parts and was reassured that he was receiving the best of care at Saint Andrews Surgical Hospital.”

Dr. Morse explained as Cheney intently listened, “Well, Mr. Vice President, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was localized to your groin area, there was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot.”

“So, what’s the bad news?” asked Cheney, now a little worried.

Dr. Morse: “The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. I’m going to have to refer you to my brother for further treatment.”

“Oh, well I guess that isn’t too bad,” Cheney replied with some relief in his voice, “is your brother a plastic surgeon?”

“Mmmmm, not exactly. He’s a piccolo player in our local symphony orchestra and he’s going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don’t piss in your eye.”

ED NOTE: Bargis Tryhol is a seasoned writer famous for his parodies on those walkers who trod the’left-side-of-the-street.’ Please visit his outrageous website for more fun and a chance to win big prizes!www.satireworld.com

marble falls

(56,359 posts)
16. He shot his dick with a .45 cal round that exited his ass and he didn't know he'd shot himself .....
Mon Jun 23, 2014, 06:10 PM
Jun 2014

AND drove home. Dick and ass seemed to be double duty words here, alright.

 

nadinbrzezinski

(154,021 posts)
18. Ok there is something missing in the story
Mon Jun 23, 2014, 06:12 PM
Jun 2014

how the hell do you not feel a shot through that area of the body... poor circulation, nerve damage? WHAT???

And Will, some here are reaching for two things...

AAAALLLLEEEERRRTTTT it is almost reflexive now

And this



We are all adults though, so dick, dick, dick, dick...

JHB

(37,132 posts)
35. Dammit! The ONE time I want to see Newt Gingrich in the news...
Mon Jun 23, 2014, 07:26 PM
Jun 2014

...and it's some other Georgia man.

 

ECHOFIELDS

(25 posts)
38. Impotent News
Mon Jun 23, 2014, 07:48 PM
Jun 2014

Sonofa gun,
bad guy with a gun
shoots good guy with a pee shooter,
good guy loses his pee shooter,
butt feels no loss,
bad guy goes to hospital
for surgical removal of redundant posterior orifice

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