My story - Living with AIDS (For World AIDS Day).

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I met David on June 6, 1990 and after that first encounter I knew he was the one for me. It was a chance encounter but something inside of me told me we were meant to be. He was honest & told me he was going through a divorce and his wife wanted nothing to do with their son Phillip so he would be taking custody of him and my response was great! We’ll have a ready-made family. A month later we were living together.

Fast forward to November 1996. David was not feeling well so he went to the Doctor’s & had a series of tests done and that’s when we found out he was HIV-Positive. My doctor wanted me to get tested but I refused because for some strange reason at the time I did not want to know.

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In 1996 Cocktails were complicated to take and David’s cocktail comprised of about 9 pills in the morning plus 9 pills at night then add about 16 more pills he had to take for AIDS related illnesses. It had gotten so bad with the amount of pills he was taking we had a beeper to remind him when it was time to pop pills. And of course on days he felt good he didn’t think he needed his pills which was defeating the purpose. All I could do was give him my love & support and encourage him to take his medicine.

We lived life to the fullest during the next several years enjoying what life had to offer us as we had before David was diagnosed with HIV. We took vacations, watched our son grow into a young adult, and bought a house. Everything a family would do.

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March, 2003 we sent Phillip to visit he great-grandmother in Waycross Georgia which also is where his girlfriend was from. On April 02 we received a phone call that Phillip had been struck by a drunk driver while riding his bicycle with his girlfriend & was helicoptered to the Trauma center in Jacksonville FL.

We rushed to Jacksonville to be with Phillip who was on life support and after six days they told us that the swelling in his brain is not going down and that they were going to take him off life support. They gave us time to say our goodbye’s then Phillip was gone. Phillips Memorial

David had given up. Life did not matter to him anymore. His son was gone. David stopped taking his meds & told me that he loved me but he was tired & weak & with the loss of his son he just wants nature to take its course with him. I was devastated because I knew what that meant, his life just got shorter.

In the beginning of 2004 I started to get sick but I would bounce back then get sick again. I knew somewhere in my heart that I was infected but refused to acknowledge it or be tested. I spent the whole year getting sick & bouncing back. Then on December 4th my birthday I got sick again, this time I did not bounce back and on December18 I was so sick to the point I could not get out of bed, David called an ambulance & I was rushed to the hospital and was diagnosed with Pneumocystis pneumonia. The Doctor came into my room to give me the diagnosis that brought me here and I said I already know its AIDS isn’t it and he said yes but he said there’s more, anyone with a CD4 count of 200 or under is diagnosed with AIDS and yours is 3. Also your viral load is so high we can’t even get a count on it. I said ok so what’s my treatment plan? The doctor said I am going to be honest with you our plan is to make you as comfortable as possible because you need to prepare yourself for the end.

The Doctor left and I cried, and I cried and I cried. In the last year I went from weighing 210 pounds to just 100 pounds now laying in that hospital bed. The Love of my life was at home sick & no one to care for him and I have to say I threw myself one hell of a pity party, for that day I had given up & once again cried myself to sleep, sleep was the only place to hide from my pain.

The next day I cleared my head & thought to myself this is not how my story is going to end. I refuse to go out like this and I will not accept this ending, I need to rewrite a new one. I had gotten on the phone & called David’s Infectious disease Doctor who was also a member of the Gay community and a friend of ours and I explained to him everything that had happened where I was at & that someone needed to check on David. He told me not to worry about David that he would make sure he was taken care of & that he would see about taking over my case at the hospital.

Two days later he visited me in the hospital & told me that someone was at my home taking care of David & that all I needed to do now was concentrate on getting better & he would help me with that. The medicine they put me on was so powerful that it could not be administered through a normal IV so they had inserted a pick line in my arm running through me to my aorta to have the medicine dispensed through my body. That and several other treatment plans they had me on, I ended up walking out of the hospital on February 19th.

I had the will to live, I was determined to live & nothing was going to stop me from getting home to my David.

David was wheelchair bound by now & not only did I have to give him his meds, I also had to give him a shot in the morning to help with his white blood cells & then I had to give him a shot in the evening to help with his red blood cells. This was my life now but I didn’t care, I had once said to him for better or worse.

Even though he was bound to a wheelchair in October of 2005 he wanted to go to Disney World (Disney was our magic kingdom in the magic kingdom). I said no problem & arranged the trip. I think David knew the time was near.

I had to take David to the hospital on February 5, 2006 He had went into renal failure. Our Doctor told us they would have to start David on dialysis & David said no it’s my time to go. We moved David to a hospice house the next day he told me he did not want me to have to deal with his death at home so I honored his wish. After we moved him to Hope Hospice, he left us 28 hours later. David’s Memorial

God looked around his garden

and he found an empty place.

He then looked down upon this

earth and saw your tired face.

He put his arms around you

and lifted you to rest.

God’s garden must be beautiful,

he always takes the best.

He knew that you were suffering.

He knew that you were in pain.

He knew that you would never

get well on earth again.

He saw the road was getting rough

and the hills were hard to climb,

so he closed your weary eyelids.

and whispered “Peace be thine”.

It broke our hearts to lose you,

but you didn’t go alone,

for part of us went with you

the day God called you home.

It took me till 2009 to get my CD4 count up to 200. Even the common cold was life threatening to me during this time but with a good diet, precautions, no drinking, I was able to bring myself out of the critical danger zone. By 2013 my CD4 count was hovering around 400 & today it’s holding steady at around 525 with a undetectable viral load. When I do get sick my CD4 count will drop into the 400’s to fight off infection but my viral load stays undetectable but I am also very compliant with my HIV meds. I have not missed one dose since I started taking them in 2005.

It has been nine years since I was diagnosed with full blown AIDS and even with the losses in my life and being on my death bed, I love life to much to give up. There are to many things still on my bucket list that I need to take care of to even think of quitting.

I tell my story so others may understand.

We have come a long way with battling this disease but we still have a ways to go.

David's Memorial

Phillip's Memorial