Dick Cheney's Night Before Christmas

Dick Cheney's Night Before Christmas


Twas the night before Christmas when all through the chamber
not a captive was moaning, it couldn’t have been lamer.
The black hoods were hung o’er each prisoners eyes
with hopes there’d be no talk of violent demise

The contractors were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of torture all danced in their heads
And Lynne with her nightcap and I with my whip
had just settled in after quite a long trip

When out on the lawn there arose such agitation
I jumped up and down and screamed out ‘damnation’!
Away to the window I waddled most quickly
Shoved the armed guard aside, I did so quite briskly

The moon on the breast of the blood soaked cement
showed that our time had not been misspent.
When, what to my beady eyes should I view
But a gaggle of Senators and worse, most were blue.

With a little old lady, so perky and tart
I knew in a moment that she thinks she’s so smart.
More rapid than bullets her followers came
She yelled and she screamed and she called them by name:

Now Udall! Now Warner! Now Wyden and Heinrich
On Rockefeller! On King On Mikulski but not Risch!
To the top of the gun turret, the the top of the fence
Dash away Dash away and let’s try to make sense.

And then, in a flurry, I tuned into Fox News
she was pointing and angry in her sensible shoes
As I stared at the screen and let out a sneer
The door burst wide open and there she appeared

She was dressed in pastel with a smart little jacket
and clasped in her arms was a quite a large packet
I reached for the phone to call in the troops
but the media was calling; they all wanted scoops

She spoke not a word, but went right to her work
I glared at her long and let out a smirk
I told her she’d regret the day she was born
that I’d have the guards beat her until she was worn

I went on to tell her that no one would believe
at that the things that we do and all we achieve
but she looked at me squarely and laughed to my face
as I reached in my pocket to look for my mace

“This hefty report has been my main goal
most people acknowledge that you haven’t a soul
and by the spring of next year, before Ramadan
this report will breaks records as it tops Amazon”

Then she turned on her heels and wheeled towards the door
this little old woman whose views I abhor
and I heard her exclaim and she vanished from view
“Happy Christmas to all” as I screamed back “FUCK YOU”


(My friend Vel wrote this, reposting with her Permission. Source)