Government To Confiscate One Person’s Guns Just To Make Rest Of Them Squirm

WASHINGTON—Saying they can’t wait to see the looks on the faces of the nation’s most avid gun enthusiasts, top government officials outlined their plan Wednesday to confiscate the legal firearms of one American citizen just to make the rest of them squirm.

In a massive, highly coordinated raid, 50 armed agents from the federal Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives will reportedly storm the home of a randomly selected law-abiding gun owner in the dead of night and seize every weapon on the premises. According to sources, the surprise operation has been several months in the planning stages and is being conducted entirely for the sake of watching the individual gun owner—and subsequently, the nation’s gun-rights activists as a whole—completely freak out over it.

“We want to get these people as riled up as possible, so we’ll be going in big and going in fast,” ATF agent Greg Lornberry said of the plan to use a large and dramatic show of force to take away the citizen’s lawfully purchased assault weapons, handguns, shotguns, and hunting rifles, as well as every single round of his ammunition. “We intend to burst through the front door and the back door simultaneously in full tactical gear while screaming, ‘We’re here to take them all!’ Then we’ll pin the guy down, round up every gun he owns, and tell him right to his face that he’d better let his friends know we’re coming for theirs next.”

“We’ve already lined up a couple helicopters to swarm the place and shine floodlights through this guy’s windows while the whole raid’s going down, too,” he continued. “Oh, man, this is going to be so great.”

http://www.theonion.com/article/government-confiscate-one-persons-guns-just-make-r-51666