BREAKING: Rubio now writing "I can't believe my eyes" titles for YouTube videos posted on Facebook

CNN Florida: Florida Senator and former candidate for the Republican Presidential nominee Marco Rubio has accepted a new position in Social Media. Rubio will now write all of the post titles you see on Facebook for cute animal videos and sad Grandpas.

"I did a bit of soul-searching after the Liberal media caused my campaign to collapse," a newly invigorated Rubio told CNN reporters. "And I really like those "I couldn't believe my eyes" and "You won't believe what happens next" and "When he did this...I'm speechless!" titles that show up on my Facebook page every day. So I thought to myself, "You know, I could do this! I really, really could do this!" So I'm doing it, and not looking back."

Rubio's first assignment was to write a post title for a cute YouTube video of a raccoon riding a skateboard into a burning warehouse and coming out the other end with a slightly charred, but still alive, squirrel. "I was so inspired by that video," he said. I immediately sat down in front of my Commodore 64 and came up with "Raccoon Rides Skateboard Into Burning Warehouse...and What Happens Next? I'M SPEECHLESS!" When I saw it on Facebook later that day, I knew I'd made the career decision that was right for me. It's MARCO TIME! Oh yeah!"

Rubio's next assignment was a little more challenging. A boy stood with his mom at the toilet, ready to give his pet goldfish a burial at sea, but not before saying his goodbyes. Rubio wrote "A Boy Stands With His Mom At The Toilet, Ready To Give His Pet Goldfish A Burial at Sea, But Not Before Saying His Goodbyes. What Happens Next? I Can't Stop Crying!"

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