Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search
42 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
Oh god (Original Post) Loryn Mar 2013 OP
Heh. I have a funny story. One year I was at my FIL's for Thanksgiving in NY riderinthestorm Mar 2013 #1
They didn't even try to save you?! lunatica Mar 2013 #2
I know right?! I couldn't believe my luck when I saw them at the door riderinthestorm Mar 2013 #5
Hehehe. I used to let them get going. They started coming out once a week, disturbing my nap. freshwest Mar 2013 #33
They came to my door this morning, too. GoCubsGo Mar 2013 #3
I give the "I'm Jewish" remark to telemarketers... 2theleft Mar 2013 #4
I've always thought it would be fun to answer the door to Jehovah's Witnesses with LancetChick Mar 2013 #6
They would simply ask if they could pray with you... Sekhmets Daughter Mar 2013 #12
I already posted this pipi_k Mar 2013 #22
imo: answer the door In_The_Wind Mar 2013 #7
A guy I knew who was a practicing pagan... Archae Mar 2013 #8
If that's a true story and not just a creative fantasy on your part aint_no_life_nowhere Mar 2013 #9
The story was told to me on the Fidonet. Archae Mar 2013 #10
cool In_The_Wind Mar 2013 #15
My husband's friend answered the door nekkid and eating a large drumstick. Arugula Latte Mar 2013 #40
Absolutely Hide! Sekhmets Daughter Mar 2013 #11
really In_The_Wind Mar 2013 #13
They are impervious to pain.... Sekhmets Daughter Mar 2013 #17
Think how 'they' would react to a sarong, a pentagram and a cat. In_The_Wind Mar 2013 #18
I know how they would react... Sekhmets Daughter Mar 2013 #26
If I could have timed it Loryn Mar 2013 #14
well done! In_The_Wind Mar 2013 #16
Funny aint_no_life_nowhere Mar 2013 #19
I try to convert them to Christianity TrogL Mar 2013 #20
Back when I was a Christian I had a weekly "Bible study" with a JW lady. Still Blue in PDX Mar 2013 #23
I was at my mom's house when, what appeared to be a husband and wife Jehovah's Witness LeftofObama Mar 2013 #21
Be mature. Open the door naked. nt LiberalEsto Mar 2013 #24
I can't trust anyone who peddles his religion door-to-door Aristus Mar 2013 #25
The neighborhood Baptist church sends people around RebelOne Mar 2013 #27
I'm an atheist too HarveyDarkey Mar 2013 #28
My mom was a Jehovah's Witness when I was a kid. hunter Mar 2013 #29
Am I the first to tell you you should write a memoir? nolabear Mar 2013 #32
I used to keep a copy of Maryknoll Mr.Bill Mar 2013 #30
My ex would invite them in and put on Zappa. nolabear Mar 2013 #31
My answer is to put "Metal Machine Music" (Lou Reed) on the stereo.... lastlib Mar 2013 #39
They were here this morning also. Around 11:30am. madinmaryland Mar 2013 #34
My next-door neighbors are JWs, and frogmarch Mar 2013 #35
My ex used to tell a story about one if his friends vanlassie Mar 2013 #36
This Is The Best Post I Have Seen Morning! In_The_Wind Mar 2013 #37
Yeah my ex had a million of em... vanlassie Mar 2013 #38
snort 840high Mar 2013 #42
Old story from my college days back in the mid-'70's.................. mrmpa Mar 2013 #41
 

riderinthestorm

(23,272 posts)
1. Heh. I have a funny story. One year I was at my FIL's for Thanksgiving in NY
Sat Mar 2, 2013, 02:29 PM
Mar 2013

I live rural and never get these folks so it was a complete "treat" for me to be in a suburban area and actually have one of the JW's appear!

Now my FIL had completely overdone his Xmas decorations - I mean every cheesy Xmas lawn ornament was out, the trees were strung with lights, front door is festooned with a big Merry Christmas sign, he had a giant Santa and his sleigh on his roof... you know the type right?

So the two women JWs come to the door and ask if I have a moment to talk about salvation. I say hell yes (because I really want this discussion if ya know what I mean, thinking this will be FUN!) but then I go on to say we're Jewish so they should know that right up front. Now I'm thinking the two women will certainly know that I'm joking with them (I mean the house is dressed up like the North Pole!)

They literally reeled back off the front stoop and almost ran away. I couldn't believe it! They didn't even say goodbye. Just scampered. So maybe there's a special place for Jews in the 7th circle of JW hell or something but I always tell folks that maybe that's the magic charm for making them run away.

Anyway I was bummed. I'm not sure I'll get another opportunity like that again!



 

riderinthestorm

(23,272 posts)
5. I know right?! I couldn't believe my luck when I saw them at the door
Sat Mar 2, 2013, 02:50 PM
Mar 2013

I was ready! My one big chance... but they ran away. Now I can never be saved.



freshwest

(53,661 posts)
33. Hehehe. I used to let them get going. They started coming out once a week, disturbing my nap.
Sat Mar 2, 2013, 10:20 PM
Mar 2013

They kept coming around in their Sunday best and looking at everything. I asked why did they come out to nowhere (because it was not even a town there) from the city and it was a long drive.

They said they were inspecting all the 'mansions' they would inherit when the Lord came back. They left out that us heathens would all have to be dead and gone for that to happen. Rather ghoulish, don't you think?

So I gave my strongest twang and said I was a 'fundamentalist southern baptist' and couldn't change religions or I'd go straight to hell.

Then I locked the gate so they wouldn't pester me anymore. Sheesh. Like talking to the dire wolf...

GoCubsGo

(32,061 posts)
3. They came to my door this morning, too.
Sat Mar 2, 2013, 02:46 PM
Mar 2013

I didn't answer it, as I saw them coming. Must be Proselytizing Day.

2theleft

(1,136 posts)
4. I give the "I'm Jewish" remark to telemarketers...
Sat Mar 2, 2013, 02:48 PM
Mar 2013

no matter what they are selling. I politely say, "I'm sorry, I'm Jewish or Catholic, or atheist, or JW, or whatever pops in my head at the moment. It stuns them so bad they say very quickly, "oh, sorry to bother you" and hang up. It's hysterical.

LancetChick

(272 posts)
6. I've always thought it would be fun to answer the door to Jehovah's Witnesses with
Sat Mar 2, 2013, 03:01 PM
Mar 2013

... one insulin syringe sticking out of my stomach and maybe another in my neck, drool liberally coating my lips and chin, and slurred speech occasionally punctuated by the passing of gas. Unfortunately, I live in a liberal hippie neighborhood, which for Jehovah's Witnesses is like garlic to a vampire, and so I have not, alas, been graced with the opportunity to achieve salvation. If I am ever so blessed, though, I promise you I'm ready!

pipi_k

(21,020 posts)
22. I already posted this
Sat Mar 2, 2013, 04:23 PM
Mar 2013

in another similar thread, but yeah...my son used to do that when he was a teenager back in the 80s.

He wore those hard rock T-shirts...devils and demons and whatever anyway, so it was a quick thing for him to lather his mouth up with toothpaste foam and then answer the door.

He's always been real good at rolling his eyes up into his head too.

We had many hours of amusement over his antics



In_The_Wind

(72,300 posts)
7. imo: answer the door
Sat Mar 2, 2013, 03:05 PM
Mar 2013

[IMG][/IMG]
after you hang this ^^^ inside.

With this 'tude ~~~> C'mon. You can do it. [URL=.html][IMG][/IMG][/URL] just sayin' [img][/img]

Archae

(46,262 posts)
8. A guy I knew who was a practicing pagan...
Sat Mar 2, 2013, 03:06 PM
Mar 2013

Answered the door in ceremonial robe and with his ceremonial ax.

He yelled "Blood for Odin!"

The JW's I think are still running.

aint_no_life_nowhere

(21,925 posts)
9. If that's a true story and not just a creative fantasy on your part
Sat Mar 2, 2013, 03:24 PM
Mar 2013

that's so funny. Actually either way it's terrifically funny.

 

Arugula Latte

(50,566 posts)
40. My husband's friend answered the door nekkid and eating a large drumstick.
Sun Mar 3, 2013, 01:36 PM
Mar 2013

He offered them a bite of his "Jesus meat."

Sekhmets Daughter

(7,515 posts)
11. Absolutely Hide!
Sat Mar 2, 2013, 03:31 PM
Mar 2013

I once made the mistake of opening the door...hadn't had enough coffee yet to know better...they returned on a regular basis after that, drawn like ants to sugar!

Sekhmets Daughter

(7,515 posts)
17. They are impervious to pain....
Sat Mar 2, 2013, 03:44 PM
Mar 2013

they possess an indestructible optimism and I can inflict a lot of misery if I so choose.

Sekhmets Daughter

(7,515 posts)
26. I know how they would react...
Sat Mar 2, 2013, 04:45 PM
Mar 2013

They'd say a prayer for you! I'm telling you, they are a determined bunch...particularly the women!

Lovely pic btw

aint_no_life_nowhere

(21,925 posts)
19. Funny
Sat Mar 2, 2013, 04:07 PM
Mar 2013

While the music played, I would have also grabbed this book and read from it, the Novus Portem or Nine Gates Of The Kingdom Of Shadows. When the movie The Ninth Gate came out, there was a company offering a leather bound copy of the book described in the movie, in Latin and with the same nine woodcuts. I'm not a Satanist but I really dislike people who come to the door to talk about religion.

TrogL

(32,818 posts)
20. I try to convert them to Christianity
Sat Mar 2, 2013, 04:11 PM
Mar 2013

What they're preaching ain't.

When I was a teenager, they came to the door. I was forbidden to open the door to strangers, but nobody said anything about keeping it on the chain lock so it wouldn't open. I spent 20 minutes talking to them through the crack in the door, pointing out their heresies, abominations, errors in translation and inability to actually read the Bible.

Still Blue in PDX

(1,999 posts)
23. Back when I was a Christian I had a weekly "Bible study" with a JW lady.
Sat Mar 2, 2013, 04:29 PM
Mar 2013

She would read from her Bible and I would read from mine and we talked.

I don't think either one of us convinced the other, but it kept me at the top of my game. The problem is that I finally read the Bible enough that I decided that I was really a pagan underneath it all.

BB

LeftofObama

(4,243 posts)
21. I was at my mom's house when, what appeared to be a husband and wife Jehovah's Witness
Sat Mar 2, 2013, 04:17 PM
Mar 2013

came to the door. I answered the door and I swear the first words out of the man's mouth were, "Do you think we'll ever get a handle on this terrorism thing?" WTF does terrorism have to do with the mission they are on? Anyhow, I answered by saying, "Yeah, as soon as we can get all of the republicans out of office." He thanked me and they left. The woman, who I assume was his wife, never said a word the whole time. She just smiled like a Stepford Wife. Later that day I talked to my mom's neighbor who said they were at his door too and sure enough he was asking him about the "terrorism" thing too.

Aristus

(66,096 posts)
25. I can't trust anyone who peddles his religion door-to-door
Sat Mar 2, 2013, 04:34 PM
Mar 2013

as if it was a vacuum cleaner or a set of encyclopedias.

I'm not sure whether I'd hide, or open the door to them and request, politely, that they take me off "The List".

RebelOne

(30,947 posts)
27. The neighborhood Baptist church sends people around
Sat Mar 2, 2013, 05:39 PM
Mar 2013

every few weeks to convert people. Usually when I see them with bibles in hand knocking at my door, I do not give them any chance to say a word. I just say that I am an atheist (which is true) and close the door in their faces. Finally, they have gotten the message and avoid my house.

 

HarveyDarkey

(9,077 posts)
28. I'm an atheist too
Sat Mar 2, 2013, 07:36 PM
Mar 2013

I just tell them I don't believe in Bronze Age mythology. Works with Mormons, Baptists & Jehovah's Witnesses

hunter

(38,264 posts)
29. My mom was a Jehovah's Witness when I was a kid.
Sat Mar 2, 2013, 07:39 PM
Mar 2013

They booted her out because she couldn't stay out of politics or keep quiet about what God was telling her. She'd had the same sort of problems with the Catholic Church which is how she came to be a Witness, and how we ended up as Quakers. My mom could tell the Quakers what God was telling her and they'd nod their heads respectfully and then move on. That doesn't work with Catholics or Jehovah's Witnesses. They don't like to have their religious processes short-circuited by direct contact with God.

Anyways, I was always one of the odd kids in school who didn't say the Pledge of Allegiance, but that was the least of my skinny "queerbait" kid problems. That's what the bullies called me in middle and high school, "queerbait." Somehow I'd picked up that name in fifth grade, from a school bully who later became the house pet of a very kinky wealthy older woman who probably tied him up and spanked him. I imagine she's paid him off long since and moved on to younger beef, but I don't want to know. I'm not on facebook, and there are things I don't google or talk about with old schoolmates.

Our family has such a history with the Mormons they avoid me. One of my ancestors was a mail order bride from Northern Europe who didn't take to sharing her husband with other wives so she ran off with a surveyor, married him, and they established a wild west homestead. But the Mormons have long memories. They probably still hold our family responsible for whatever money they lost importing her to Salt Lake City.

The Witnesses don't have an institutional memory quite so strong as the Mormons, but as soon as I start telling them my life story Arlo Guthrie's Alice's Restaurant style, they tend to go away. Usually I don't get past the childhood Christmas stories of family religious warfare, complete with blood and broken crockery.

Not once have they made it past my Thanksgiving weekend from Hell. I've said before, my grandmother was insane. She'd been removed from her house by the police and paramedics because she was a danger to herself and others. She also had trouble staying in "assisted living" places, so she was living with my parents. I drove home from college one Thanksgiving, and it was too much. I ate dinner and drove back because it was better to sit in my apartment alone than visit my crazy family. My two apartment mates were away, happily visiting their own families.

So a couple of hours after I got back my girlfriend's girlfriend showed up and she was very very drunk and covered with her own vomit. I thought it would be best to lead her to the bath. It seemed okay at first, but then I began to worry because I hadn't heard any movement, just the water running. I banged on the door, no answer, so I turned the handle hard and broke the lock. She was in the tub naked and unconscious. I couldn't wake her, first by calling her name, then by jostling her a bit. Mind you, this was the first naked woman I'd ever touched. These days you'd call 911, but I didn't want to fuck up her life, and believe me, it would have fucked up her life if her family found out, so I called our girlfriend. I'm not sure what happened after that, but she ended up in the hospital and didn't die, even though she'd decided to commit suicide in my bathtub. The entire story is worse than I've written here, but that's enough.

Later, I was hating my life and decided to go out for a drive and wrecked my car. I was injured (I ended up with some wicked bruises) but I denied help and the Highway Patrol shoved my car out of the road and left me sitting on the curb. After what seemed like a few hours of people passing by and looking at me and the wrecked car, I decided to stand up and walk back to my apartment.

So I was sitting on the sofa looking out the window at the trees, and that's when the Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on the door...

Mr.Bill

(24,104 posts)
30. I used to keep a copy of Maryknoll
Sat Mar 2, 2013, 08:10 PM
Mar 2013

the Catholic magazine handy and hand it to them when I opened the door.

nolabear

(41,915 posts)
31. My ex would invite them in and put on Zappa.
Sat Mar 2, 2013, 10:02 PM
Mar 2013

Generally Dinah Moe Hum. And just sit there and smile. They seldom made it past "I pulled on her hair, got her legs in the air, and asked if she had any cooties in there."

lastlib

(22,981 posts)
39. My answer is to put "Metal Machine Music" (Lou Reed) on the stereo....
Sun Mar 3, 2013, 01:05 PM
Mar 2013

nobody can stay in the room five minutes with it!

Yours is good, too!! .

frogmarch

(12,146 posts)
35. My next-door neighbors are JWs, and
Sat Mar 2, 2013, 11:01 PM
Mar 2013

we get along great. They don't preach at us, and we don't try to persuade them to become atheists. We visit back and forth almost every day, and in the summer we trade garden veggies with each other. We watch each others's houses when one of us is out of town, and water each other's plants and do lawn care for each other. We're very good friends, the four of us.

vanlassie

(5,637 posts)
36. My ex used to tell a story about one if his friends
Sun Mar 3, 2013, 02:55 AM
Mar 2013

who was a dope smoking high school teacher (back in the early seventies) who went to his door and stood listening to some JWs for a while, all the time whittling on a piece of wood. At some point, he supposedly pulled his dick out of his pants and held his artwork out to compare the two. They left quickly at that point

vanlassie

(5,637 posts)
38. Yeah my ex had a million of em...
Sun Mar 3, 2013, 11:43 AM
Mar 2013

But I THINK this one was true...

I knew the guy and he was well capable of doing it.

mrmpa

(4,033 posts)
41. Old story from my college days back in the mid-'70's..................
Sun Mar 3, 2013, 05:02 PM
Mar 2013

a housemate of mine invited either Jehovah Witnesses or Seventh Day Adventists into the house, where she talked with them for about an hour. What they wanted from a mid-western catholic college attendee was beyond me.

A few days later they were at the front door again. The housemate who had invited them in earliler in the week, was now not wanting to talk to them, and begged me to get rid of them.

I answered the door they asked for my housemate. I looked at them and said, "I'm sorry she's not here she ran off with the Moonies yesterday." They stared at me in shock did a 180 turn & left.

Latest Discussions»The DU Lounge»Oh god