Find out from her what her intentions were with regards to the cats. Then go from there.

...I called Mary in California. She says that she NEVER told Jane that I was to be the cats' primary caretaker and that she asked Jane to care for the cats specifically because she knew that Jane didn't work and would be home all day.

Some other things that have been bothering me are starting to make sense now. Jane kept telling me that she was going to talk to a woman in the neighborhood named Bonnie who loves cats and might be willing to care for the cats in her apartment so that they are not alone all day. Yesterday Jane and a woman were fretting over a baby rabbit they found in the yard that had been injured by someones cat. I introduced myself to the woman and discovered that she was BONNIE. It didn't appear to me that Jane had even mentioned the cats to her. I asked Jane if this woman was the Bonnie she'd been telling me about and she said yes and still claimed that she was GOING TO talk to her. Apparently, she still hadn't talked to Bonnie about the cat situation after telling me for days that she was going to. I just got home from work and there is still no message from Jane about anything. That's when I decided to call Mary who told me that Jane is in fact the one who is supposed to be taking care of the cats.

The plot thickens.

Not from you, or Bonnie.
You have to make it clear- no! And have her send someone over to wash her dishes, ASAP.

...and told her about Jane's idea to call Bonnie, Mary told me that she doesn't even KNOW Bonnie. That Jane would want to leave the cats with someone the owner doesn't know is really nervy. Jane should have just said no from the beginning if she was going to flake out this soon. Mary left on June 2 and things started unraveling by the 4th.

You should call her and give her a time limit to straighten it out.

*

call her and TELL her a time limit for your services, do not ASK her intentions.

No good deed goes unpunished, ya know.

*

giving 2 keys to Jane, for example. If she's elderly, perhaps she is getting forgetful.

I would definitely call Mary directly and remind her that you aren't available to watch the cats all summer. She can then make other arrangements.

*

Maybe, I am hard core but fuck the dumb. I hate to be played and you, my friend, are being played.

I would do, also.

Somewhere in that chain someone is not being honest.


Meanwhile, it's the cats who might have to suffer for it.


As to the state of the apartment, I figure people can live the way they want to, except when it comes to other living beings getting dragged into the sickness. No animal should have to live like an animal.

is not able to take good care of these cats. They are being neglected and the reason why is secondary.

for the next cat, who maybe winds up at SPCA and euthanized.
No kill shelters are not a panacea.

Maybe, I have you confused with another DUer but, I don't think so.

I don't believe I'm required to provide the solution when I do so. Several other people have proposed possible courses of action however.
But I'll check with Skinner to see whether I'm allowed to comment on a post of yours without providing a specific solution.

Unless I am badly mistaken you and I have had words before and they were not pleasant.

Am I mistaken in thinking this?

However I was not attacking you when I made my comment about no kill shelters. I was just making a comment. Something responsive to my comment or no response would have been better than your response

why you reply to me. I have no plans to become palsy walsy you. Ya dig.

If I remember correctly, you were pretty hostile to me and I did not appreciate it.

I personally consider your reply to me this time to be some what passive-aggressive/covertly hostile and I don't appreciate it at all.

My original response to your post was not. Just don't answer if you don't want to.
I will respond to whatever posts I want to. You can block seeing my responses if they bother you.

you can have the last word. go for it and make it good.

"good"

feel so sorry for the innocent cats. This lady definitely sounds like a hoarder (if you've seen any of those shows). I wish there were more resources for our precious critters but we don't haven't even figured out how to deal with humans in need....God help us all.please let know how this turns out...

...she definitely can not keep up with cleaning up after TWO cats. Her apartment is rather dirty but it's not filled wall-to-wall or floor-to-ceiling with stuff. The dirty dishes in the sink is a first since I've cat-sit for her. Frankly, even if the apartment were spotless the cats should not be left alone this long.

On edit: In my OP when I mention the "state of Mary's apartment" I was referring to the dirt, the cat litter all over the floor, and the fact that over the years some cat urine has seeped into the wood floors and stripped the finish.

they should be changed and washed weekly. cats get sick and puke around the house when the litter is not changed regularly. in fact, they will begin pissing and shitting around the place and avoid the nasty boxes.

i suggest you firmly tell this lady it is too much & you will not do it any longer. she will just have to come home and take care of them or hire a responsible person to take care of them.

you might tell her she has 2 days to decide what to do and to let you know because otherwise, you will have to go to the manager and call someone to come get the cats.

i am sorry you are in this dilemma.

...have both been changing the litter. I live right across the hall from Mary's apartment so the smell will seep right into the hallway if they are not changed. Mary will occasionally fall behind on changing the litter when she is home and I can always tell when this has happened. The cats are definitely being fed and their litter changed by both Jane and me. Jane checks in in the morning and I check in in the evening when I get home from work. I just don't want to be involved much longer because this was supposed to be Jane's responsibility this time around.

The landlord could possibly intervene and call a city/county animal authority, but no shelter is going to simply come and pick up two cats from an apartment without having some meaningful type of authority to do so. It would be rare that any municipal animal shelter is "no kill" and the cats could face death.

Mary did, whether good/bad/right/wrong provide for someone to take care of the cats. The fact that the appointed caregiver (Jane) hasn't followed through is horrible, but the shelter would have to have undisputed evidence that the cats are being neglected. I doubt they are being neglected to the point that would prove that since the OP has provided some care.

...but if it comes to that I think the landlord should do it. If it comes down to taking her cats out of her apartment and handing them over to someone else, I think the property owner should do that.

Get Jane to help with the cat, and when Mary comes home, tell her that's it.

I've thought about it...but no. Two days after Mary left I was sitting out in front of my apt. building reading a book. That is when Jane approached me about helping her dispose of the two rugs in Mary's apartment. One was being thrown away and the other put in the buildings storage area. One minute I'm relaxing after work and the next minute, at Jane's request, I'm vacuuming the rug that's being stored and carrying it to storage and the other to the dumpster. I felt like a chump. I'm not biting anymore bullets. I've cat-sit for this woman on numerous occasions without pay and I'm not spending my summer fretting over her cats or cleaning her apartment. Just no.

I would do that for my mom (and her husband at the time) when I went over there to watch my young brother and sister (same ages as my own kids).

My stepfather was a bit of a hoarder, and my mother just didn't have the energy to keep up with it all. Also, she's the type of person to take on the habits/beliefs/whatever of the person she's living with or married to.

So I'd go there and the kitchen would be a total horrible mess and I'd clean it up.

Next time I was there it was a pig wallow again.

This went on for a long time and was very frustrating. A totally pointless waste of time and energy on my part.

dementia? some sort of OCD?

Please help the cats get a better quality of life. That is the most important thing. They are the helpless pawns in this mess, and they deserve to be taken care of in a clean environment.

phone numbers to Mary. She can use a credit card to pay for them.

After reading through the thread, I'm mad for you. Enough is enough.

This woman has a daughter in Wisconsin whom she was visiting the last time I cat-sit for her and now she is visiting a daughter in California. SOMEOME is paying for plane tickets, so someone can pay for a cleaner and a sitter.

(I sort of mean that in a weird way… it's like one of those "quirky" movies on IFC)

I'm a long time cat lover and current cat mother of Mr. Mickey. Bottom line…. If I had a neighbor like this one, who's able to come and go, but unable to clean her apartment or care for her cat, who's cost of feeding surely must be offset by neighbors, due to her constant need to unload cats and never clean up, I'd contact the animal control authorities. I'd also speak to a shelter. I might even have an intervention when Mary returned to face her with what she's done.

Regardless of age, freeloading people like that need to be confronted with the facts. I'd offer to help her clean her apartment, and if this steps over the line, then welcome it as the way to cut this nonsense altogether. It's bothering you. I'd just stop laying down and being the rug that gets walked on. You already cleaned one rug already, so time to say...

The end!

Best to your good heart, but you don't need this crap.

Just kidding.


Clearly you have been taking advantage and you are in a tough situation.

I would tell Jane that you were are not going to take care of the cats, call Mary and tell her the same thing you're wiping your hands of the situation.

...and she actually confirmed the suspicion that I expressed upthread (or in the OP, I can't even remember where I posted it). She just told me that the "big thing" for her is that the apartment is so dirty. She said that she'd have no problem going in to feed the cats twice a day and even hanging out in the apartment with them if the apartment were cleaner. This confirms exactly what I said yesterday: that she probably did agree to care for the cats but changed her mind after seeing the apartment. She said that she talked to Mary and her daughter in California and that they are working something out. I don't know if I believe a word she says at this point but if I don't hear from Mary tomorrow (I spoke with her yesterday) I'm calling her again and telling her that the landlord is going to have to get involved. I also just called two other people whose numbers Mary had left for Jane. These people were also supposed to be available occasionally to help out. One woman sounded drunk and told me I'd have to call tomorrow and talk to her sister(?) and then she hung up. The other person says that she was supposed to be an "absolute last resort" and that she has lots of other "crap" going on in her life right now. I'm disgusted with everyone right now.

Do you think if you found a cleaning service to clean up the place you could get Mary to pay for it, and then maybe Jane would be ok to do what Mary seems to think she agreed to? (this was sort of suggested by others upthread). Tell her frankly that Jane seems to have reneged due to the condition of the place and you just want to help ... I guess I'm just thinking this would address the root cause of the problem without necessarily creating more troubles for anyone. If it doesn't work at least you will feel like you made the best effort to do the right thing.

If you talk to the landlord it could end up badly for Mary AND the cats. The cats don't deserve it and if Mary has dementia or just doesn't have her shit together for good causes you don't even know about, she doesn't deserve it either. Maybe she doesn't perceive how off-putting the state of her place is, and Jane did renege on a deal. It would suck to go off for vacation with your child thinking your pets were being cared for and then have this happen because your so-called friends didn't do what you thought they agreed to. Sure she is "taking advantage" but lots of people love cats and don't really mind taking care of them, so she may not realize what an imposition it is.

Just my 2 cents. I understand if you don't agree with it. I hope everyone ends up okay, however this works out.

...have to be involved at some point. Jane says that she has talked to Mary and suggested having the place cleaned professionally--and even got an estimate-- and that Mary said she would mail a check back home to cover the cost. Jane told me this last week and like I said, I don't know if I believe anything she says and, so far, no check has arrived. When I finally talked to Mary yesterday she claimed to not even be aware that there was a problem! So, someone is lying. I'm also afraid that if a cleaning service is involved I will be hit up for money to help pay for their services. I'm not cleaning anyone's apartment and I'm not paying for it to be cleaned. These two have imposed on me enough.

I don't want to get the landlord involved but if the cats end up needing to be sheltered or boarded I'd feel more comfortable if the property owner were the one handing the cats over to someone else.

80 year old mother is that she doesn't notice dirt or smell any more.

Personally for me, I tend toward not getting involved with my neighbors because I get really mad when people use me and I'm the kind of person that directly tells them and it offends most people so much that they get all passive/agressive about it and complain to everyone else but me.

So I would either take over with the cats, I would bring them to my place, litter box and all or I would walk completely away. One or the other is the way I see it. All in or all out.

In the future I would make it clear that it's not my thing and I don't want to be involved.

I think someone else in the thread put it best, "no good deed goes unpunished."

...and then I'm ALL OUT. I decided on Sunday as a cut-off point because that will be about three weeks that this mess has been going on that and I've been feeding the cats at night. Three weeks is about as much if not more time as I'd expected to be involved with these cats ALL SUMMER. About a week a month. Also, I don't want my involvement spilling into ANOTHER week. After Sunday I'm done. Somewhere upthread I said that at some point I would call the landlord but I've decided I'm not even going to do that. That will likely be a very consequential call and as far as I'm concerned Mary or Jane can make it. We all have the same landlord and everyone has his number, so I'm telling Mary and Jane that they can make the call. Everyday that goes by without me getting a call from someone telling me what arrangements they are making--or at least TRYING to make--I get more and more pissed off. After Sunday they can continue to NOT call. I'm fucking done.

you're calling the landlord
there's issues with bugs and silverfish in the sink etc. which can effect your apartment as well.
does this woman even plan on returning?

...that she has talked to Mary about hiring cleaners and that Mary was supposed to mail some money back home (we are in a Philadelphia suburb, by the way). At this point, I think both of them are full of shit about various things.

Two days ago I spoke to one of the other people whose phone number Mary left for Jane as back-up. This woman told me that she was supposed to come over and wash Mary's dishes. I don't even remember her reason for not doing it. I was so annoyed by this point because I had called another person on the phone list who basically blew me off. I posted about this upthread. As far as calling the landlord, I still think that should be done by Mary or Jane. If conditions in Mary's apartment start to affect other tenants then I'll make the call. Otherwise, like I said, come Sunday I'm done.

it would drive me crazy too.

At least you know now. I hope things get better. I really hate it when I have to put up with a smell that bothers me.