I am just out of two emergency surgeries, the first a brain surgery involving lifeflight to the nearest major med center (Stanford).

I identified my GF as next of kin, she gets all the records.

YMMV.

Good luck.

do get positive vibes when I read yours.

It's a pain in the ass to be 57 and have an aneurism and seizure, but ACA is covering it.

I love DU, and I thank you for the reply!

This is the one I'm talking about.

He died.

They're no going to ask for a marriage certificate.

Absent that, your advice could screw things up and become a matter or record.

Take My Advice on this one....

.... while a loved one is having a heart attack is conducive for researching the ins and outs of health care law.

For me, wife is close enough to get past some nurse at a desk or on a phone. I'm not going to risk getting in to a pissing match with some nurse Ratched type. If it comes down to brass tacks later and putting anything in writing I'm going to say I said fiancée sorry he's about to be my husband. Close enough. Sorry for the confusion. And by then I'll be in contact with family.

This has been our plan between my partner and I. Except substitute brother for wife (everybody always asks us if we are brothers anyway). All the nightmare stories I've heard from friends and read about here on DU regarding stick in the ass medical people giving my people a hard time and disregarding medical POAs maybe gives me a different perspective.


I don't even want to remember all the times I ran over to the hospital to meet my mom or dad in the ER and no one ever asked me for a birth certificate.

Hope you are feeling better and I'm glad you are ok.

Sincerely. Recovery takes longer as we age, and it's humbling.

I truly appreciate your thoughtful reply.

..... when we are fighting in the host forum.



Sorry couldn't resist. I was just watching Blazing Saddles - the part when the little old lady brings the sheriff the pie.

Again, glad you are ok.

It'll be our secret!

Hell, most on DU don't even relate to the reference. Damned young'ins!

I still have to list my husband as one of the people permitted to get medical information. Same for him, he has to specifically list me. I also have my older sister listed so she can intercede for my family if she is concerned about medical choices.

No one ever asked for a marriage certificate - but they wanted the people allowed to know specified on their paperwork before I went into my various surgeries.

My partner had major surgery last year so we went through all that. I even had to set up a pass code to get information over the phone from a station nurse.

I'm talking about meeting an ambulance in the ER. Loved one unconscious. They ask you who you are - answer wrong and you can be locked out.

My perspective might be a little different because, as a gay couple, we still run the risk of getting fucked with even with the "correct" paperwork.

I ran in to some pain in the ass at an endodontist office last year. She got all flustered when the person listed as the primary was another guy.

Her: who is this?

Me: my partner.

Her: your what?

Me: my partner

Her: what's a partner

Me: my domestic partner

Her: oh. (Scowl) I have to call about this. Walks away in a huff.

It has worked.

This situation you face stresses me out so bad I just can't stand it.

I had an ER doctor who thought I had really gotten brain damage after I was knocked out (by being punched in the face by one of my young horses) because I told him my name, said "yes" I was married, but then when I gave my husband's name our surnames didn't match. That was in 1980 or so, but I STILL run into that attitude!

That is just one reason I make sure to specifically list him, but when I was in the rehab hospital after my knee replacement, the entrance desk wanted ID to prove he was my husband. We both laughed and asked if he needed to bring our marriage certificate next time. The woman finally decided if I was OK with him coming in, she had to accept it. I would bet that she would NOT have accepted your domestic partner - her attitude just seemed to be that way.

needs to fill out an advance directive. That woman in the lobby saying she is your fiancé could unfortunately be some psycho maniac that is stalking you.

Not saying this is the case here, of course, but stranger things happen in a hospital.

Hoping for a full and speedy recovery for the man in the OP.

Condolences to your family. A hard situation made worse by the difficulty in the flow of information.

I had a friend who listed me as his contact. We both lived here in Washington and his family was in California. He furnished me with a list of his family members to contact in the event anything happened to him. One night in 2000, I got a call from a nurse at a hospital he had been taken to; he died of a heart attack. It was my sad duty to call his family. They took over from there.

I have another friend who lives a couple of blocks from me. I have his sister's number in New York in the event anything happens to him. I'm not sure who he has named as a contact, but I at least have his sister's name and number.

Lesson for us all: be sure you carry something that designates the person to receive medical information.

Again, so sorry for your family's loss.

If you're female.

No, srsly. Hospitals are often extremely rude to same-sex partners.