just in case...

I take mine off immediately when I get home, but I don't ask or expect visitors to do that.

And when guests take their shoes off in my home, I do so as well.

and I do the same. If they keep their shoes on, I will too, but if they shed theirs at the door, so do I. I even carry a pair of socks in my purse to slip on when I visit.

She's Japanese. There's a sign as you enter asking you to remove your shoes with a notation that says, "Especially Mike" (my son).

and I have been asked by maybe two people in decades

party though. If they did, I would, but it is quite common in this part of the country. Visiting family in the flat lands, not so much but it depends on the time of year.

I always check my socks before going to family gatherings since in some houses, shoes come off. Usually depends how far outside the city they live. Also whether they have carpet or hardwood flloors. hardwood only, they stay on. Otherwise, off.
There are usually doormats near the door or sometimes they all go in the covered porch. And as you note, it's about all the mud and gravel that cling to the shoes for the wet part of the year.

with that said, if I was visiting someone who doesn't know that about me, I leave my shoes on if they do, if theirs come off, I am a happy person and do the same.

or if seems appropriate ask the host if I should... I expect people to take their shoes off when in my house

I'm from the PNW and that's VERY common. I'm in NE IL now, it's less common, but still done. If you're a guest in someone's home, you should be all about courtesy.

It in their homes, then I do too

I hate wearing shoes anyway so it's no big deal

The other people who lived there had a rule about no shoes on in the house. I had never worn shoes in my own house. I always take my shoes off immediately when I get home. I don't even think about it. If I'm visiting someone who is not in my family or a close friend, I just follow whatever the person I'm visiting does.

Last edited Tue Jun 24, 2014, 01:01 AM - Edit history (1)

As I said I've never (thankfully) been faced with that situation.

I'd die of embarrassment if I had to show my ugly feet!

And my mother, she's never without shoes, even at home. Her feet need the support, otherwise she'd be in pain

my feet are horrible ugly too. That's why I always wear socks...even in the summer.

But if you go to someone's house where they take off their shoes, you could bring a pair of slipper socks or something similar.

So as not to track dirt in the house, which I understand. But I must say, it did seem somewhat rude to ask people to be in their stocking feet when it's the middle of an Iowa winter and the house is kept at 60 or so. The next time I visited her I brought my slippers.

Among the Bosnians who live around here, it's common to see lots of shoes on the porch.

But my feet are always cold and I need the support of shoes. If my friend of the first paragraph moved back here, I guess I'd look for some supportive slippers ....

...northwest suburbs of Chicago. Almost everybody does it here, but it was new to me when we moved here. I grew up in western upstate NY. In our 20 years living here, I have learned to always ask if I am the first one in someone's door. If there is already a pile of shoes in the foyer, I just follow suit.

I do not ask people to do it in my house.

I'm a Barbarian. I can sleep in my boots, clothes, big jacket, on the hard ground, or in my car.

I only take my shoes off in true civilization.

MAYBE in a relative or close friend's home but specifically not the boss or a co-worker or some party at someone's house I only peripherally know.

When my son was in high school he'd sometimes have a friend over and they;d go to his room to play games and whatnot. We always knew when the friend took off his shoes - that boy's feet stank so bad it LITERALLY gagged us and made our eyes water. I'd have to go outside and smoke a cig just to get the stench out of my brain.

his feet stank on purpose and they used that to cover the smell of weed.


Which would piss me off to find they weren't sharing their weed with me.

.

Last edited Tue Jun 24, 2014, 03:12 AM - Edit history (2)

I felt like a gauche American when I first moved there and visited people-- I'd walk in and there'd be a tidy bunch of shoes next to the door. No one chided me but I felt embarrassed that I wasn't aware of this custom.

Just my experience.

It's not uncommon at all, frankly. At least here in California. In fact if I don't take off my shoes in a home where it's obvious that is the custom, (shoes on the front porch, at the front door/foyer etc.) I'd feel extremely uncomfortable. My daughter's home that is the custom, and they're caucasian.

Where do you live?

n

The diversity of our cultural customs within our own country. I was raised in the South for most of my childhood, (born in Atlanta) but for a brief time during High School I lived in Hawaii while my father was serving in Viet Nam. That experience was something of a "culture shock" as well as educational shock. (Public Schools were exceedingly more advanced in Hawaii as compared to the South at the time).

As a young adult I moved to California, and here I have remained ever since.

The custom of removing shoes here began quite a number of years ago, can't remember how long it's been. It isn't universal, but it is common, and is becoming even more so recently.

It serves a very practical purpose of cleanliness.

Apart from being filthy, shoes mar up the finish of wooden floors, and badly stains carpets requiring cleaning with chemicals that are harmful to the environment. Never ever had issues with "stinky" feet with anyone I know. Maybe it's the humidity in the southern climate that tends to cause that?

Makes me feel shorter and dumpy, sort of "down dressed". I ( mostly ) remove them in my own house if I'm the only one there, but never request any visitors to do so.

I follow my host's lead, but I really hate the shoes off custom. Being barefoot hurts me. (Post-tibial tendonitis and high, fragile arches. Shoes are my friend.)

I understand it -- shoes off keeps dirt, wet and grit mostly outside -- but it can be frustrating for people (like me) and in winter, when boots are semi-standard here.

It's a necessity in the winter or your house would be a tracked-up mess. It just becomes a habit. I even wish I could make the dog take off her dirty little paws.

to realize it stops a lot of dirt at the door. I know my mother started insisting on it the last 10 years of her life (my Dad continues, mostly out of habit I think!)

I never picked up the habit - my poor husband is in and out all day when he's home, and it would drive him crazy. My soil is sandy loam over a layer of clay, so a lot of fine sand gets tracked into the house. As a result, I'm going to have to have myhardwood floors sanded and refinished. The original polyurethane is just about gone!

Many years ago, I went to a screening of Capitalism--A Love Story and the hostess for that mentioned it.

Also if I see a pile of shoes beside the door, or the other guests in socks, I'll remove mine.

where that was expected and I was warned about it ahead of time.

I've seen this topic pop up on an etiquette website and the threads always get locked - it's so strange, this is a community of people who joined to discuss etiquette and let the topic turn to shoes/no shoes and it gets nasty fast

into a flame war!

Really, I've never seen a discussion on politics or religion get as nasty as the shoes on, shoes of controversy

You can't KEEP shoes on that gal.
Here at home, somebody else's home, anywhere.
If she's sitting down in a restaurant, I guarantee her shoes will be off under the table.
She'll put 'em on to go to the loo or whatever.

This lady HATES shoes.
I blame it on her Texas/Cajun upbringing.


When we lived up Nawth, folks with wall-to-wall seemed to de-shoe as did guests.
Of course Miz t. did, no matter what anybody else was doing.

Note: the oil from bare feet will soil carpets much worse than anything (outside of mud) that you might bring in shod.
Of course you wipe your feet good on the doormat, don't you?

My stepsister and (now ex-) husband had a huge home with insanely expensive hardwood floors, and we weren't allowed to wear shoes, flip-flops or go barefoot. They actually handed out colorful socks to all of their guests!

...remove their shoes, she also keeps a basket of slippers in assorted sizes in her entryway for people to put on so they will not mess up her carpeting with the above mentioned oils from the skin of bare feet.

Unfortunately, I was wearing heels and stockings and my feet got cold. But apparently that's what was done, so I didn't rock the boat.

I get it- particularly in mud season. I don't bother asking people to take their shoes off, but it is customary around here for folks to do so.

We live in a rural area and there is a great deal of dirt and mud about. I take off my shoes once I enter and ask everyone else to do so. If someone were to refuse, I would be surprised, but fine. No one ever has. I think its a little disusting and rude for someone to not take off their shoes in someone's home. If I lived in a city I might feel differently.

mostly to prevent the tracking of mud, road-salt and sand into people's homes. I personally don't like it, but I accept it for what it is...up to the homeowner. My house...keep your shoes on please. My neighbor Constance...would likely shoot you if you wore your shoes onto her carpets or floors...she washes and vacuums them daily.

We also have something called mud-rooms; many or most houses are built with an unheated foyer with unfinished floors for the purpose of removing your shoes or at-least cleaning them off before you enter the house.

I'm actually more inclined to turn around and leave than take them off even if asked unless the host has no pets.

I have a neighbor who always asks. When she comes to my house, I beg her to leave hers ON because I have teens and dogs and a spouse who tracks.

Nobody's floors are so precious they can't handle a little dirt. Now, when we go to Wisconsin in winter, they have drip pans for your shoes because we likely have wet shoes and someone could slip on a wet floor.

We had friend who put white carpet in their new house. They had a 4 year old AND a dog. So all guests had to remove shoes. Carpet IS FOR WALKING ON. They ended up with rugs and runners everywhere and what the hell was the point of white carpet?