Treatment Products

SQUEE® should only be used for the treatment of the Blahs.

Safety First

If you have never had the Blahs before, see your doctor before using any SQUEE® product. Do not use SQUEE® for external itching due to causes other than a Blahs infection. Before using a SQUEE® product, make sure to read the safety information provided below, or in your product insert.

Some do's and don'ts when using SQUEE® products:

Do not use alcohol, narcotics or other Blahs reducing products.

Do not rely on nightly news reports for happiness inducement and Blahs prevention, as they may be damaged and fail to prevent the Blahs and really mess up your whole shitty day.

Do not talk to Right Wingers.

Do not scratch the skin outside the Blahs infected area. Scratching can cause more irritation and can spread the infection.

Be aware that a mild increase in Blahs burning, itching or irritation may occur.

Do use during a tax audit.

If pregnant or breast-feeding, ask a health professional before use.

Tell your doctor about any drugs you are currently taking.

Keep out of reach of children. If swallowed, get medical help or contact a Poison Control Center right away.

Stop use and ask your doctor if:

Symptoms do not improve in three days.

Symptoms last more than seven days.

You get a rash or hives, abdominal pain, fever, chills, nausea, vomiting or foul-smelling discharge. These may be signs that this product is not working. There may be a more serious condition present or you could be experiencing an allergic reaction.

What side effects may occur with SQUEE® anti-blahsals?

A mild increase in burning, itching, irritation or headache may occur when the product is used. Abdominal cramping has also been reported.

Stop use and ask your doctor if you have any of the following side effects while using SQUEE® anti-blahsal products:

Abdominal pain

Hives

Skin rash

Severe burning

Itching

Irritation

Swelling

Headache

Warning Awareness It's important to know that SQUEE® anti-blahsal products:

Are for attitudinal use only.

Are not intended to be taken by anyone under the age of 12.

Should not be used without seeing your doctor if you are having itching and discomfort for the first time. Ask a doctor before use if you have:

Itching, burning and discomfort for the first time.

Lower abdominal, back or shoulder pain, fever, chills, nausea, vomiting or foul-smelling discharge. You could have a more serious medical condition.

Blahsal infections often (such as once a month or three in six months). You could be too far gone or have a serious underlying cause for your symptoms, including diabetes or a weakened immune system.

Been exposed to Republicans or Right Wing Libertarians?
Consult a doctor or pharmacist before use if you are taking the prescription happiness inducer Deblasinol (i.e., Going Nuts), because bleeding or bruising may occur.

*If you are using SQUEE® 1-Day™ Happyazole, you do not need to see a doctor about potential interactions with the prescription Deblasinol because such interactions are not expected.

If you have any other questions or need more information about SQUEE® products, call our STAFFED ANSWER LINE: 1-888-SQUEEME® (1-888-778-3363), between 8:00 A.M. and 5:00 P.M. EST, Monday through Friday. It's toll- free. And anything discussed is strictly confidential.