So it's England vs Italy? Let the conscious uncoupling begin.

Though not strictly court-ordered, or carried out under specific instructions from one of the more eminently priced psychoanalysts, I am seeing how long I can go with a football tournament before thinking certifiable thoughts about England. By certifiable, of course, I mean any thought that England might acquit themselves with anything more than ignominy at any tournament.

And I'll level with you: I'm in a good place right now. In fact, I'm stunned at how good the place that I am in is. Balls have been kicked in this World Cup and I still don't feel Like That again. By the time this is published, even more balls will have been kicked, and I'll have watched every minute, and while none of those balls will yet have been kicked by England – which is traditionally when the realisation sets in that you're unwell but too weak to stop – this feels different....

....A dodgy brown pitch is a boon to England, isn't it? We can't pass anyway, so it couldn't matter less to us, but if the Italians can't pass on it, and if they cleave to their traditions of slow tournament starts with a draw, and we … but no. Oh my God, no. I can feel a stirring, even though I know that way madness lies. It starts with allowing yourself to read the phrase "green crystals", and quickly mushrooms to you becoming an expert on tropical fungus. Suddenly, you're speculating about a draw with Uruguay and beating Costa Rica 2-0, and plotting routes to the quarters. But you know, you have to think that we could beat whatever winner or runner-up Group C shakes down out of Colombia, Greece, Japan or Ivory Coast, don't you? Don't you?

Must … stay … strong. I'm sorry. We'll wind up here, so I can avail myself of a Post-it note – a thousand Post-it notes, perhaps, to be stuck anywhere I might look over the next few days – on which I will write a friend's most treasured footballing crutch: ENGLAND HAVE NEVER BEATEN A MAJOR FOOTBALL POWER IN A WORLD CUP KNOCKOUT MATCH ON FOREIGN SOIL.



http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jun/13/england-v-italy-conscious-uncoupling-world-cup