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ehrnst

(32,640 posts)
Fri Aug 26, 2016, 12:08 PM Aug 2016

Today's Vagenda




6:00 am. Arise. Wrap your cardigan-sheathed hands around a mug of hot cardamom lemon water; squint into the distance from your craftsman veranda. Breathe authentically. Pick off a passing man with your bespoke porch rifle.

6:30 am. Laundry. The heather-gray linen kitchen towels from last night’s festivities need washing. Delicate cycle; honeysuckle gentle wash detergent. Head back upstairs. Roll up your husband’s body inside the flokati rug upon which it rests. Dust surrounding area with small-batch microfiber.

7:30 am. Morning e-mails. Remind the others about this weekend’s dick-burning.

8:15 am. Breakfast: coconut-ginger scones with raw wolf meat. Using the giraffe filter on Snapchat, falsely accuse a man of rape.



https://medium.com/saraschaefer1/todays-vagenda-2747885a4497#.a7v28gt0a
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Today's Vagenda (Original Post) ehrnst Aug 2016 OP
WTF? NurseJackie Aug 2016 #1
It's satire DavidDvorkin Aug 2016 #2
Whoosh! (Right over my head.) NurseJackie Aug 2016 #3
"Small-batch" microfiber? How do you tell? jmowreader Aug 2016 #4
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