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Separation

(1,975 posts)
Tue Jun 24, 2014, 07:08 PM Jun 2014

I have a question.

First of all if this question is inappropriate I apologize and the mods please delete.

I will say that my knowledge of the LGBT community is limited. I have had several friends in the military who entrusted me with their careers before DADT was ended. We never really talked about lifestyles though. Never crossed my mind to be honest, they were in my mind no different than Joe Schmoe or Betty Boop.

Now to my question. My wife and I were driving in Cookeville, Tn. and stopped at a light. Two males and a female were walking on the sidewalk readying to cross the street. The two males were holding hands and obviously a couple. One of the guys was really flamboyant, strutting, sucking on a lollipop, really exaggerated hand motions and walk.

Is this real, or more of a F.U. to people who are opposed to the LGBT life.

Again, if this question offends, please delete. I am just curious to the flamboyance, and it never crossed my mind to ask until yesterday.

32 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
I have a question. (Original Post) Separation Jun 2014 OP
It's "real". Outside of that we can't say much since we know virtually nothing... Smarmie Doofus Jun 2014 #1
Thank you. Separation Jun 2014 #4
People just are who they are theHandpuppet Jun 2014 #2
It wasn't uncomfortable at all. Separation Jun 2014 #3
Do you think the guy was "acting" tjat way auntsue Jun 2014 #5
I don't know. Separation Jun 2014 #6
As opposed to what?... TeeYiYi Jun 2014 #7
TYY? Separation Jun 2014 #8
I'm rolling my eyes... TeeYiYi Jun 2014 #9
Ok Separation Jun 2014 #10
LOVE the cartoon. nt La Lioness Priyanka Jun 2014 #17
Perfect. Iggo Jul 2014 #24
I liken it to a peacock. Fearless Jun 2014 #11
Thank you! Separation Jun 2014 #12
And a more ideal society would simply let the full spectrum of humanity "be who they are." n/t nomorenomore08 Jul 2014 #25
Agreed! Fearless Jul 2014 #27
i see these military guys walking around with their huge muscles and HUGE STRIDES La Lioness Priyanka Jun 2014 #13
Like I was saying yesterday, they want an audience; I don't give them one. closeupready Jun 2014 #15
Exactly... TeeYiYi Jun 2014 #20
agreed. also, if you have questions that are offensive-ish why not fucking google them La Lioness Priyanka Jun 2014 #21
Yea go ahead and google that and get back to me. Separation Jun 2014 #23
Why do gay men behave flamboyantly La Lioness Priyanka Jul 2014 #29
So is your response and attitude. Separation Jul 2014 #31
i dont have to tolerate bullshit in the LGBT forum La Lioness Priyanka Jul 2014 #32
... do you think they are wearing the motorcycle outfits for attention???? Joe Magarac Jun 2014 #22
Lol. La Lioness Priyanka Jul 2014 #30
Yes - it's likely his way of saying, fuck you and your fake gender stereotypes. closeupready Jun 2014 #14
i also think some people are just are more comforable being boyish/girly La Lioness Priyanka Jun 2014 #16
Like you, I am comfortable with my birth gender, so the notion closeupready Jun 2014 #18
Exactly, stereotypes are just that. They don't describe a whole, three-dimensional person. n/t nomorenomore08 Jul 2014 #26
Oh, I think there are all types of LGBT, much as there are all types of people in the world. Many RKP5637 Jun 2014 #19
I remember seeing a similar question TlalocW Jul 2014 #28
 

Smarmie Doofus

(14,498 posts)
1. It's "real". Outside of that we can't say much since we know virtually nothing...
Tue Jun 24, 2014, 07:40 PM
Jun 2014

... of the individual as a person.


That said... I hope they do NOT delete your post. (But I think they're gonna.)

Better to talk about this stuff than not, seems to me.

theHandpuppet

(19,964 posts)
2. People just are who they are
Tue Jun 24, 2014, 09:24 PM
Jun 2014

Would it have made you more comfortable if the two men had been wearing camo and sporting "Duck Dynasty" beards? Who's to say what constitutes male/female behavior and appearance? A couple of hundred years ago men would have been wearing hose, lace collars and powdered wigs.

Sounds to me like the young man who you described as "flamboyant" is just being true to himself. He doesn't need anyone's approval nor does he need to fit into some preconceived notion of what men are supposed to act or look like. Appreciate all the differences and variety of the human experience.

Separation

(1,975 posts)
3. It wasn't uncomfortable at all.
Tue Jun 24, 2014, 09:34 PM
Jun 2014

Just curious.


The fact that he was comfortable enough to be himself here in the Bible Belt of Tn. is more than admirable IMO. You literally cannot go more than 90 seconds without passing a church where I live. Although Cookeville is about 45 minutes from here but ya get the point.

auntsue

(277 posts)
5. Do you think the guy was "acting" tjat way
Tue Jun 24, 2014, 10:40 PM
Jun 2014

to draw attention? Or was he just being himself? I feel your question is sincere, but imagine the poor guy whose natural inclination is to be just so .... and what he must feel in a [lacelike that where he is supposed to "act like a man".
I don't think it was a deliberate "acting out" to the anti-LGBT folks. They may just be tired of pretending.
As a lesbian who was a teacher I know how it is to have to "act straight". I wore make up and skirts to "look professional" for years. Now that I am retired I just do what I like and in anyone calls me a "dyke" I just tip mu baseball cap and say "why thank you".

Separation

(1,975 posts)
6. I don't know.
Tue Jun 24, 2014, 11:16 PM
Jun 2014

I think that is part of my question/ignorance. His partner was dressed in jeans and a tee shirt, while he was in daisy dukes, tee shirt cut above the abs, and a pair of cowboy boots sucking on a lollipop. His mannerisms were over the top and exaggerated. I asked my wife if she thought he was doing it for attention and she said she had no idea, but that they looked like they were having a good time and enjoying themselves. I guess that's all that really matters.

I'm happy that you finally don't have to hide who you really are as well. As stated in my OP I was friends over the years who confided in me that they were gay before DADT was ended. They always said that was the part that hurt them the most. Supposedly part of the military is about integrity and honor and they had to live a lie or be thrown out. So I am very happy for you.

TeeYiYi

(8,028 posts)
7. As opposed to what?...
Tue Jun 24, 2014, 11:59 PM
Jun 2014

...Putting on a show for you and your wife and then returning to 'normal' once you'd passed by?



TYY

TeeYiYi

(8,028 posts)
9. I'm rolling my eyes...
Wed Jun 25, 2014, 01:03 AM
Jun 2014

...because you're arrogant enough to think that anyone would take the time to put on a show for you and your wife.

'TYY' is short for TeeYiYi

You're on your own with the cartoon. I refuse to explain it.

TYY

Fearless

(18,421 posts)
11. I liken it to a peacock.
Thu Jun 26, 2014, 04:47 AM
Jun 2014

Sometimes you strut and sometimes you don't.

Then again what's one person's idea of strutting is frequently another's personality plain and simple.

Do we individually sometimes exaggerate? Sure.

Do we collectively always do so? No.

Many of our brightest colored feathers are genuine.

Think of it as the difference between being introverted and extroverted. There are varying degrees of each.

Separation

(1,975 posts)
12. Thank you!
Thu Jun 26, 2014, 03:20 PM
Jun 2014
Many of our brightest colored feathers are genuine.

Think of it as the difference between being introverted and extroverted. There are varying degrees of each.


I will claim ignorance on certain subjects, sometimes where fear of offending of even asking a question. I can't claim to understand why it would offend or hurt because I have never walked a day in their shoes.

So thank you for an enlightening answer to an ignorant question.






 

La Lioness Priyanka

(53,866 posts)
13. i see these military guys walking around with their huge muscles and HUGE STRIDES
Thu Jun 26, 2014, 04:28 PM
Jun 2014

really exaggerated masculinity.

is this real or more of a FU to a metrosexual NYC???

do you think they are wearing the motorcycle outfits for attention????



 

closeupready

(29,503 posts)
15. Like I was saying yesterday, they want an audience; I don't give them one.
Thu Jun 26, 2014, 05:40 PM
Jun 2014

Unless they are dancing at one of our gathering spots, lol.

TeeYiYi

(8,028 posts)
20. Exactly...
Fri Jun 27, 2014, 12:16 AM
Jun 2014

It is my opinion that all people go through life being their authentic self; their own personal version of normal.

Stereotypes are assigned by other people who don't like or approve of another person's version of normal.

The idea that anyone would consider going through life putting on a show for the public at large is exhausting on its face.

Gay people are authentically real. We are who we are; just like everyone else. We're not going through life putting on a show, for straight people or anyone else.

To suggest otherwise is offensive as hell.

TYY

 

La Lioness Priyanka

(53,866 posts)
21. agreed. also, if you have questions that are offensive-ish why not fucking google them
Fri Jun 27, 2014, 12:08 PM
Jun 2014

do we look like encyclopedias to straight people?

Separation

(1,975 posts)
23. Yea go ahead and google that and get back to me.
Sun Jun 29, 2014, 05:06 PM
Jun 2014

Look, I'm not the enemy. I came here because I thought we were all on the same side, and it was a safe place to get an answer to what I even said was an ignorant question.

I got that answer several times from several other helpful members for which I am and probably many other people are thankful for. If this thread is gonna turn into something else the forum mod can please lock it.

 

Joe Magarac

(297 posts)
22. ... do you think they are wearing the motorcycle outfits for attention????
Sun Jun 29, 2014, 09:07 AM
Jun 2014

Of course they are sweetie.

What's wrong with attention?

 

closeupready

(29,503 posts)
14. Yes - it's likely his way of saying, fuck you and your fake gender stereotypes.
Thu Jun 26, 2014, 05:36 PM
Jun 2014

I will do whatever the fuck I want - act like a girl, be flamboyant, flame, flame, flame - and as far as I'm concerned, you can go fuck yourself if you have a problem with it.

Many of us in the GLBT community either did this ourselves, or understand it implicitly.

 

La Lioness Priyanka

(53,866 posts)
16. i also think some people are just are more comforable being boyish/girly
Thu Jun 26, 2014, 06:02 PM
Jun 2014

like lisa would DIE if she had to wear a dress. whereas i cannot stand men's clothing/fashion

 

closeupready

(29,503 posts)
18. Like you, I am comfortable with my birth gender, so the notion
Thu Jun 26, 2014, 07:24 PM
Jun 2014

of dressing or acting stereotypically gay doesn't appeal to me, although like the example in the OP, I experimented with it. Interestingly, I found that when I act or look stereotypically gay, most people seem to be MORE comfortable with that than if I put on my 'butch' look - people don't like puzzles.

RKP5637

(67,008 posts)
19. Oh, I think there are all types of LGBT, much as there are all types of people in the world. Many
Thu Jun 26, 2014, 09:48 PM
Jun 2014

LGBT you would never know, just like everyone else. His flamboyance stood out, as he was flamboyant and I think just being himself.

I don't think it was a F.U., of course, I don't know him ... but some people are very flamboyant much as some people are very very macho be they straight, gay, etc.

I know one thing, I would never have the guts to be flamboyant in the bible belt, I would have a lot of fear. ... just me, as I tend to be self-conscious too much.

This all said, your question was a good one. I think it's great for people seeming to be able to be more how they are than having to play roles. My upbringing was such that it required one to play the stereotypical straight role, it was rather difficult as I always felt inwardly awkward. I really wasn't flamboyant, it was just very difficult growing up years ago and feeling different, but not even knowing why.

TlalocW

(15,342 posts)
28. I remember seeing a similar question
Tue Jul 1, 2014, 01:16 AM
Jul 2014

A decade or so ago (I think), someone started a message board that was dedicated to anyone asking any question no matter how seemingly insensitive, weird, etc. (not that I'm saying your question is), and hopefully people on both sides would take it seriously - asking real questions and not trolling and then honestly trying to answer them.

The best answer I saw was to think of the heterosexual couples you've seen. Some of them are laid back (both members). Some may have men that strut around all macho-like. Sometimes the men are more outgoing; sometimes the women. One of them might be serious; one more flighty, etc. Different people are attracted to different things. Probably the couple you saw were just being themselves. Just like some men or women may be attracted to a more flamboyant member of the opposite sex, so are the members of same-sex couples.

TlalocW

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