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niyad

(112,435 posts)
Sat Jun 7, 2014, 01:56 PM Jun 2014

an open letter to my waiter from your "princessa"


An Open Letter to My Waiter from “Your Princessa”
by Meagan McGinnes


To my overly charming waiter at Friendly’s,
I just met you; I am not your “princessa.” Your hasty Diet Coke refills with jokes about spiking my drinks with tequila were not funny. I actually was scared you might have drugged my drink. I was scared to be too nice and “lead you on.” I was scared to be rude and possibly make you angry. I was scared that in the end I would come off being “the bitch,” “the tease” when I just wanted to eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You never were aggressive, violent or made any threats, yet I was still put off by your flirtatious attempts. My reaction is not your fault, but nor is it mine. Rape culture and violence towards women is real and, yes, all women feel afraid at some point in time.

#YesAllWomen is a hashtag that began trending after the Isla Vista shooting. Immediately, media was reporting about a gun epidemic, the NRA and the rise of mass shootings nationally. Everytown for Gun Safety then launched a campaign sending letters to political figures with the phrase “Not One More.”

Gun violence is on the rise and becoming an ever-growing problem facing our nation, however in the midst of this epidemic it seems that women have more of a target on our
backs. Mother Jones reported that in 2010, nearly 6 times more women were shot by husbands, boyfriends, and ex-partners than murdered by male strangers. A woman’s chances of being killed by her abuser increase more than 7 times if he has access to a gun. MJ even reported that one study found that women in states with higher gun ownership rates were 4.9 times more likely to be murdered by a gun than women in states with lower gun ownership rates.

The hashtag extends beyond this horrific event, and even beyond gun violence toward women. It is about the common experience of misogyny all women; regardless of race, class, religion or backgrounds understand.
You may have meant no harm, but your attitude toward me as a woman is what perpetuates this culture where violence is stemming and fear is growing. In everyday experiences I question my decisions in order to protect myself from potential harm from men.

. . . .

http://www.commondreams.org/view/2014/06/07-0
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an open letter to my waiter from your "princessa" (Original Post) niyad Jun 2014 OP
The first comment is a good one Gormy Cuss Jun 2014 #1

Gormy Cuss

(30,884 posts)
1. The first comment is a good one
Mon Jun 9, 2014, 11:05 AM
Jun 2014
Contrarian • 2 days ago

At my last job I was officially accused of sexual harassment by a coworker for what to me seemed like harmless flirtatious jokes and banter and, at the time, I felt that she had been the one who "started it." I didn't get terminated but was on probation for six months. At the time I thought it was ridiculous and unfair. In retrospect the underlying fears that motivated the charges are, I now see clearly, not ridiculous. My individual situation may have been unfair, but it is nowhere near as unfair as the culture saturating fear that Ms. McGinnes writes about here. It may be annoying to us guys to have to suppress things you feel are harmless jokes and to always have to be aware of how your behavior can be "taken wrong" even if you know in your heart that you didn't mean any harm, but that's the world women and the men who want to do right by them live in.
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