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cynatnite

(31,011 posts)
Wed May 2, 2018, 10:29 PM May 2018

An update on my mom...

I had no idea at how much all of this would impact not just our family, but my marriage, too. The husband is a truck driver and he's been on the road up until a week ago. I felt very isolated trying to deal with all this and it got to the point he and I were barely talking. He wasn't telling me things that were going on with him even when I asked. A couple of nights ago we pretty much had it out. There was yelling, then crying and finally talking. I had slept on the couch for four nights straight before that. I think we've got a lot of our issues worked out and we're actually talking. Not best friends like we've always been but I think we're getting there. He's actually helping sharing the burden with me which wasn't happening before the big fight. Anyway, on that front things are much better.

My mom is another situation that's not gone well. She's been on steroids from almost the beginning. While mom was getting her radiation they had talked to me about weaning her off the steroids. The paper they handed me said 4mg and mom has been taking 6mg. The oncologist had a prescription done for her that was 4mg. So I have these two different dosages of steroids and I'm like what the hell. So before Mom started chemo we had an appointment with a nurse going over everything to educate us about it. I spoke with her about the steroids and she said to keep mom on the 6mg at 3 times a day. I did that.

Well after Mom's first round of chemo she did fine initially. She was downstairs in the basement apartment and I thought she was doing fine. She got confused about all her meds so I got an organizer for her medication and that seemed to help a lot. Her feet began swelling. Then I began to notice she didn't seem to be eating well even after I talked to her about how she's feeling and how important it was for her to tell me everything.

Monday, she talked about being constipated and blood on the toilet paper. I said well it's hemorrhoids. Her feet were concerning me, too, because of the edema so I called the cancer clinic and took her down. The NP said that we needed to go ahead and wean her off the steroids. I got Mom some Miralax for the other problem. Last night when I was downstairs, mom said she thought she had a sore on her backside. I went back down when she changed in her pajamas to take a look and I was floored. Her butt was raw and had areas where it was bleeding. I told mom that first thing this morning I was calling the clinic and getting her in. This looked serious to me.

So today we went and her BP was a frightening 62/39. It took several tries to get that. The NP came in and checked the area and said Mom needed to go to wound care. First though, they were putting fluids in her for her BP. The last BP was 90/54 which was better.

I had left for a little while because the clinic is close by and they said she could go home. Home health was going to come in and help us plus we were moving Mom upstairs so I could take better care of her. Mom called and said they wanted her to spend the night in the hospital for her BP. I got a bit panicked and drove to the clinic. I asked to see the NP because I needed more information.

The NP said she was going not just because of Mom's BP. Mom's white count was twelve point something on Monday. Today it was 1.5, I think. The huge drop was very concerning. The NP said that with the low BP, a low grade fever as well, the horrible area in her groin and butt area, and the edema was a perfect storm for a disaster.

So, after getting Mom admitted to the hospital the physician decided on a CT of the groin area because of how bad it looks. They also ordered a ton of blood work as well. I spoke with the doctor outside the room and he said that Mom will probably be there a little while. Mom is thinking a couple of nights. I'm thinking three or four nights. I worked the wards when I was in medical and patients in my Mom's condition stayed anywhere from 5-7 days. It will depend on the seriousness of the infection. They're also starting wound care immediately, too. We should know more tomorrow.

We've got the living will done. I have to get a new power of attorney completed which I plan on doing after Mom is out of the hospital. I'm going to see if I can get a notary to come to the house. The doctor spoke to Mom about a DNR and she's nowhere near ready for that.

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed right now...again. It's better because my husband is home which it looks like he'll be around for a while. As badly as we need the money, I'm glad he's here. That means a lot to me. The last few months I have gotten to despise him being a truck driver. He's been doing it for a very long time. I don't feel quite as isolated.

Anyway, here's hoping for good news tomorrow. Thanks everyone. It means so much I can come here and just let all this loose in one place.

Oh, I almost forgot. When Mom gets out of the hospital she is upstairs with us. We have a spare room that's already been converted for her.

11 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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An update on my mom... (Original Post) cynatnite May 2018 OP
Bless you, cyn cilla4progress May 2018 #1
Upstairs wil be more comforting to her elfin May 2018 #2
I had a small surgery when in my 20s and my bp dropped very low like that only briefly lunasun May 2018 #3
I remember "helping" my late wife go through that with her mom. "Helping" as much Hoyt May 2018 #4
I don't even know what to say Phoenix61 May 2018 #5
To you and yours. sheshe2 May 2018 #6
Bless you sawasigndc May 2018 #7
There is a cream called Balneol. Get it! PennyK May 2018 #8
Thanks everyone! cynatnite May 2018 #9
Glad you had some rest. cate94 May 2018 #10
Thanks for sharing message with us. adrianastepheny May 2018 #11

cilla4progress

(24,588 posts)
1. Bless you, cyn
Wed May 2, 2018, 10:41 PM
May 2018

I want you to know I hear your cry and I feel for you and your family deep in my heart! ❤️ In my life experience so far I have not been faced with this struggle, and I can only imagine how hard it is!

I’m very touched by your courage,
grace, and honesty to share here. I hope all can move through this journey with love, connection, and minimal pain.

elfin

(6,262 posts)
2. Upstairs wil be more comforting to her
Wed May 2, 2018, 10:47 PM
May 2018

All you can do is all you can do.

You are doing great. Other family matters will recede for the time being.

This passage is what you are here for. Keep her as comfortable as possible. That will help ease you as well.

Then you can deal with the rest of life one step by one step.

Get as much outside help as possible to afford some quieter times here and there to enjoy the company of your spouse, whether or not he is fully on board with what needs to happen during this time.

This sounds to me like it is "your thing" for the time being. So be it. It will all work out.

Once again - you are doing great.

lunasun

(21,646 posts)
3. I had a small surgery when in my 20s and my bp dropped very low like that only briefly
Wed May 2, 2018, 10:50 PM
May 2018

but they would not let me go home then. Hang in there and glad your mom has a place in your home when she gets out
Oh and take care of yourself too. Someone once said to me in a situation that you have to take care of yourself too if you are going to help others

 

Hoyt

(54,770 posts)
4. I remember "helping" my late wife go through that with her mom. "Helping" as much
Wed May 2, 2018, 10:58 PM
May 2018

as I could anyway, she did 99% of it around the clock. She made a big difference, but it was hard.

Take care of yourself as much as you can. Glad your husband can help. Keep us informed.

Phoenix61

(16,954 posts)
5. I don't even know what to say
Wed May 2, 2018, 11:07 PM
May 2018

It's such a difficult situation but I'm happy to hear you and your husband are more on the same page. It's hard to see someone you love hurt and not be able to fix it. I think some men have a hard time with this and their confusion often looks like indifference. You seem to be doing all you can to ensure your mom has the best care possible. That's all you can do.

PennyK

(2,300 posts)
8. There is a cream called Balneol. Get it!
Thu May 3, 2018, 11:33 AM
May 2018

It's specifically for irritation down there. I think most drugstores have it. It's not cheap (around $16), but the company's website, http://balneol.com/, lets you print out a $2 coupon. You put a bit on the toilet paper and wipe with it. It feels great and will help a LOT with soreness. I had terrible diarrhea due to magnesium infusions during chemo and this also helped with colonoscopy prep.

This is just a small thing, but it will help with one problem at least. Hugs.

cynatnite

(31,011 posts)
9. Thanks everyone!
Thu May 3, 2018, 07:15 PM
May 2018

Mom is doing better today. They put in a catheter to keep the urine from touching that area so hopefully it will help with healing. Everyone at the hospital was terrific. They're helping us get home health for when she comes home. She'll still need wound care plus will help with other care as well. She's staying upstairs for a while. If she can get back to functioning on her own well enough then she can go back downstairs. I'm honestly not sure if she'll be able to at all.

The support means so much and I feel better after getting some much needed rest.

cate94

(2,797 posts)
10. Glad you had some rest.
Fri May 4, 2018, 08:32 AM
May 2018

Being the main caretaker is emotionally and physically draining. Hugs to you.

 

adrianastepheny

(12 posts)
11. Thanks for sharing message with us.
Mon May 7, 2018, 07:42 AM
May 2018

It is really wonderful to hear that your mom out of the hospital. During reading your threats, I have become emotional. Thanks to you share with us.

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