My Tony is gone. (Updated with thanks)

Last edited Tue Jul 1, 2014, 01:48 AM - Edit history (2)

I met my partner twelve and half years ago in a club. As we got closer, we started spending more time at his place in Oklahoma City. He had roommates, all human, except for one, Tony, the cat. I got along with all of them except Tony. For some reason, he and I just didn't "hit it off." A year and a half later, I had moved in with my partner and his human roommates had decided to leave (well, that's my version ), but Tony stayed. I usually love cats, but Tony and I -- we just didn't get along. Then it happened, one day he got in bed with me and cuddled, as opposed to sitting on my face to get me to get out of the bed. Our frosty relationship began to thaw.

Soon, we moved from OKC to NE OK. We had to drug Tony because he didn't travel well. He was an outdoor kitty, but for three days, he needed to stay inside. The day of his "reprieve " a kitten was run over in front of our house. That day Tony became an indoor kitty. Somewhere, somehow, he became "my" kitty, instead of my partner's. He got pissed when I left town and showed it by not allowing me to pet him when I came home, but never letting me out of his sight; including my trips to the bathroom. If I did manage to give him the slip to use the john, I would see his little white paws under the door and hearing him meowing. He was mad at me, but he loved me.

We ended up in that house for three years, then moved to New Orleans, then back here (been here three years). He would sleep in the bed with me, follow me around, sit in my lap, and head bump me. Oh, and he loved sneezing on my food! He tolerated the addition of the Chihuahuas, including the two youngest ones who loved to punch him in the face so that he would "clean" them. He was very even tempered. I only once saw him growl at another human. To this day, I think that man probably kicked him or something. Despite being a short-haired domestic, he shed ALL the time! If he saw something without his fur on it, he quickly rectified it.

In April, we took him in for his yearly check up, other than his hair being disheveled, he was in good health, according to the blood panel. Mid May, I noticed he wasn't feeling well. He seemed snippy and wanted to sleep more than normal, even for a cat. I took him in and more tests were run...nothing. A week later, while playing, I was play slapping with him, and he fell over. Cats don't fall over! I immediately rushed him to the vet. His back legs weren't strong and picking him up there, his underside, made him cry. We have been together so long, I knew his different cries. More tests. Nothing. Then he ripped a hole in his tail and I rushed him back to the vet. At first, it was looking like a hot spot that really drove him nuts, but he was losing hair and his back legs still seemed weak. He didn't jump anymore, he climbed up on things and jumped down using his front legs only. He was losing weight. He got a few shots, but his tail didn't improve...at first. Then it started to look better!! He perked up. He was the old Tony again!

Last Saturday, his tail started looking bad again and began to smell. Monday (6/23), back to the vet. It was a tumor and several more had suddenly grew all over his legs and his lymph nodes were completely swollen. It was cancer. He also had lost even more weight. In April, he was 16 pounds, now he was 8.5. The doctor gave him a shot and told him we could keep giving him shots and pills, but he wasn't going to recover and would only last a few more months. All we could do is try pain management. I was devastated! My partner came in, and we were given the option to put him down then. I balked. He got a pain shot, which should last a week and a few pills. We decided, next week (this week we are entering), we would send him on his way. My partner was going out of town for three days (Wed-Friday). Then I got so sick, all I could do was sleep. My partner came home Friday night, and Tony was weak, but doing OK. He came downstairs to go out, but mainly just slept. This past Saturday, he slept all day!

Saturday night/Sunday morning (12am), we were watching a movie and I hear Tony at the baby gate. I turn around to see him jump the gate and immediately fall. He gets up, stumbles to the carpet and collapses. We give him a pain pill. He perks up and my partner goes to bed. I placed Tony on the loveseat in a blanket and came upstairs. After an hour, I went down to check on him. He was back on the floor and crying in a way I had never heard. I laid him on a blanket on the floor and sat down with him. It was 1:30am. My partner was upstairs asleep with the dogs. I put on a movie and just sat on the floor with Tony. I cried. I told him how much I loved him. I told him we would miss him. I told him I was so sorry for being selfish and not letting him go earlier. He screamed, twitched, and then laid still. He lifted his head and looked at me and meowed and I grabbed his head and kissed him. He sighed, but kept breathing and talking to me. He moved around a few times. I just laid with him.

I heard the mini-elephants, the Chihuahuas, running down the stairs to go outside to potty. It was 5am. Tony screamed and seized. I screamed for my partner, normally, I would just let the puppies out, since I am a late night person and he goes back to bed. He came into the living room and saw us on the floor. The puppies pottied and came back inside and sat around Tony. My beloved and I sat together, he petted Tony, I kissed him. Tony looked at me and meowed softly. Then it was over. Marigny, the Chihuahua who really loved him something crazy, sat by me, shook and cried. We wrapped Tony in his blanket, and placed him on his favorite pillow. Everyone went back to bed...I cried for another hour.

All day I have cried off and on. My poor partner, bless his heart, he wasn't sure if it was because I was upset about Tony or in physical pain (yeah, I am still sick). It was always for Tony. Next week, he would have been 13. He was my "bad kitty." I used to sing to him, very off key, "Bad Kitty!! You are the baddest of the bad! You such a bad kitty! Nobody can compare!" It was stupid, but he seemed to like it.

My favorite picture of him:



I will miss him so much.

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I wanted to say thank you to everyone who replied with such nice condolences. Today (Monday), he was scheduled to be euthanized. Perhaps he knew. I don't know. I still feel bad for the choices I made, but thank you for those who expressed your sympathies and stories about similar situations. All day today, I was "hearing" his collar jingling. I knew it wasn't really him, and I wasn't really hearing it other than in my mind, but I kept hoping I would turn around and see him. Last night, Marigny (the Chihuahua mentioned above), went looking for him, then started to shake and cry. I lost it. I know with time it will get better, but for now, I just miss him.

Again, thank you all for your supportive words.