Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search

Cornus

(871 posts)
Mon Jul 20, 2020, 09:38 AM Jul 2020

Senior Living Facilities

My partner and I [both early 80's] are considering moving to a progressive senior living facility. I'm wondering if anyone here might have first hand experience, i.e. you live in such a facility or know someone who does, and can offer some advice, either pro or con. I've weighed the pros and cons and am inclined to stay where we are, but my partner seems to think we should move, *just in case*. I figure if/when something happens to either one of us, just move on to a nursing home. His reasoning is that we would already be there living independently, and could just move on to the next assisted stage. We've been looking at this same place for the last twenty years, but I was never ready to make the move, and I'm still not. Any advice?

13 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
Senior Living Facilities (Original Post) Cornus Jul 2020 OP
F /M or M/M couple? Also who is doing the yardwork? House maintenance? irisblue Jul 2020 #1
M/M couple Cornus Jul 2020 #3
I live in Senior housing... Wounded Bear Jul 2020 #2
Thanks for the feedback Cornus Jul 2020 #5
Have had some experience with this. nature-lover Jul 2020 #4
Thanks Cornus Jul 2020 #6
Assisted Living with Nursing Home adjacent is ideal for ailing seniors. lark Jul 2020 #7
Its a toss-up. 3Hotdogs Jul 2020 #8
You're right... Cornus Jul 2020 #9
I'm in your age bracket and have given the subject some thought. No Vested Interest Jul 2020 #10
All good points Cornus Jul 2020 #11
I'm 79 and my wife is 76. trof Jul 2020 #12
Here is something else to consider. PoindexterOglethorpe Aug 2020 #13

irisblue

(32,829 posts)
1. F /M or M/M couple? Also who is doing the yardwork? House maintenance?
Mon Jul 20, 2020, 09:45 AM
Jul 2020

I got an application for the same company my mom lives in. I think it is time for me.

I have to hire a guy to do yard work$$,shovel snow, $$, gutter cleaning $.
Who is doing that where you live? Can you afford to pay someone else?

Cornus

(871 posts)
3. M/M couple
Mon Jul 20, 2020, 09:57 AM
Jul 2020

We presently live in a condo, so no major maintenance. If we move, the new unit would be similar to what we now have, but considerably more expensive. We were both teachers and are able to manage on our pensions and SS.

Wounded Bear

(58,440 posts)
2. I live in Senior housing...
Mon Jul 20, 2020, 09:48 AM
Jul 2020

it is subsidized, so it is priced below market for housing in my area. Without it, I wouldn't be able to manage since I am on SS with no other sources of income. It is not an assisted living facility, you have to be ambulatory and self reliant to live here, though there are those who are wheelchair bound and many folks using walkers, etc.

I'm not much of a "joiner" so I don't participate in many of the group activities here, and haven't looked into use of the community car or van pool. I still drive, and while parking is sometimes tight, I don't wish to change that. Hell, I'm almost a functional hermit, so the shutdown hasn't affected me hugely. I know numerous neighbors to say hi to in the halls, and I even 'dated' a gal for a while, but I'm not socially active. Most of the group stuff is shut down right now, of course.

If I could afford it, I would seriously consider living elsewhere, but I am where I can survive.

Cornus

(871 posts)
5. Thanks for the feedback
Mon Jul 20, 2020, 10:01 AM
Jul 2020

The place we're looking at is really expensive but has a lot of pluses, one being a pool which I know I would use. I used to swim a mile three mornings a week before going to work.

nature-lover

(1,452 posts)
4. Have had some experience with this.
Mon Jul 20, 2020, 09:57 AM
Jul 2020

My father was in an independent living center and loved it. He suddenly had a serious health issue and needed nursing home care and could not go back to his independent living center. His facility did not have graduated care, so we had to quickly find a nursing home that would take him. It took a stressful couple of weeks and could not find one with a private room. We found that nursing homes allocate (at least here) more beds for women than men, due to life expectancy projections. Whenever you chose to make your move, it would be my advice to definitely choose a facility that has both an assisted and nursing home on the premises. These homes usually allow only residents already in their system to move into the nursing home part of their facility. Hope this helps.

Cornus

(871 posts)
6. Thanks
Mon Jul 20, 2020, 10:04 AM
Jul 2020

This facility is graduated and we could move on to the next level from independent if needed. I'm just reluctant to make the move.

lark

(23,003 posts)
7. Assisted Living with Nursing Home adjacent is ideal for ailing seniors.
Mon Jul 20, 2020, 10:09 AM
Jul 2020

Mom was 87, recovering from a broken hip & had Pulmonary Fibrosis. We found an Assisted Living place that had a separate nursing home (Rehab facility) attached. It was great because she kept getting pneumonia, going to the hospital, getting seriously weak, then had to return to nursing home to strengthen, then back to her assisted living apt. It worked very well for her for the 3 years she was there. She got to have some of her important "treasures" with her in the apt. and her own furniture, which was a great comfort to her.

3Hotdogs

(12,210 posts)
8. Its a toss-up.
Mon Jul 20, 2020, 11:32 AM
Jul 2020

Your present health is also a factor. If either is in compromised health, the Ass't Liv facility is a strong plus because you can "graduate" to added care if needed.

If not, I would be less inclined.

But the social activities and pool are a plus. Do you have friends and activities that you will miss if you move?

I am 77 and am going to stay put.

My long time friends are in compromised health -- both with heart conditions. They are moving out of state into a.l. facility with up-stage option. I will miss them.

Cornus

(871 posts)
9. You're right...
Mon Jul 20, 2020, 03:20 PM
Jul 2020

Last edited Mon Jul 20, 2020, 04:50 PM - Edit history (1)

...it's a toss up. Since we are both in pretty good shape for our ages, I am also less inclined to make a move.

I would miss the town where we now live. Our condo is walkable to the downtown area where there are many great restaurants. Also this condo is almost like a house since it has windows on all four sides plus a small deck which accommodates many of my plants and we use often [my partner is out there reading now in this 94 degree heat!], and we also have a two car garage and a gas burning fire place which I use often in the winter.

You're helping me talk myself into staying where I am!

No Vested Interest

(5,157 posts)
10. I'm in your age bracket and have given the subject some thought.
Mon Jul 20, 2020, 07:36 PM
Jul 2020

My daughter (58) has been living in a long-term care facility for 4yrs; my spouse was in nursing care for the last 6 yrs of his life before that, and previous to that, my mother in memory care for 9 yrs. I've seen a lot of what day-to-day life in those facilities is like.

Although you are looking at independent living, as I would be as well, the Covid crisis has led me to determine that I will stay away from such congregate living as long as possible. The reason, - you give up a certain control of your life to others and their "rules". I understand, rules and standards (appropriate dress at meal-time, for example) are necessary and good. I just don't want to be obligated when I don't feel like it on any given day. I go along with community standards as a way of living, and, in fact, am non-confrontational as a rule ( except when I have to defend my daughter in her living situation - aides and staff can be less than kind at times).

There may come a time when health and medical needs require that I get the care required in a congregate setting, either assisted living or nursing care. Like you, I can afford my independent home at present and with the help of other family members I get by on the maintenance. I believe I would prefer to have part-time help in my home to living with the rules set by others for the common good of the group.

Cornus

(871 posts)
11. All good points
Tue Jul 21, 2020, 05:21 PM
Jul 2020

And I agree with your assessment. There may be a need for assisted care some day, but I would just as soon stay where I am and wait for that day to arrive. I'll deal with it then!

trof

(54,255 posts)
12. I'm 79 and my wife is 76.
Tue Jul 28, 2020, 07:12 PM
Jul 2020

She is as healthy as a very health horse.
NO prescription drugs, which I find just unreal.

I have ARMD and have just quit driving. Can no longer see well enough to be safe.
I have mild COPD and a gamey knee (but not bad enough for a replacement yet).
I take three meds for hypertension and another for thyroid.
A statin for cholesterol, and a proton blocker (reduces stomach acid) for a mild hiatal hernia.
Plus a bunch of vits and supplements.

But with all that I feel good and am able to move and care for myself.
I do about a mile a day of Nordic walking and a couple of 20 minute stints on a stationary reclined bike. I curl and reverse curl 2 sets of 60, using 7 lb weights.

We're staying put.
I know that more home health care is available and probably more on the way.
It's way more cheaper than a 'facility'.

I'm with you.
Stay put until you can't.

PoindexterOglethorpe

(25,750 posts)
13. Here is something else to consider.
Sat Aug 29, 2020, 02:01 AM
Aug 2020

If you stay where you are until you absolutely cannot live there any longer, you might well be in a crisis and have very little time to figure out where to go and not be able to make as good a decision as you could now. Or not have good choices available.

There is a window of time for moving to any kind of facility. A progressive senior living facility is absolutely the best, since you stay in the same facility, sometimes even in the same unit, depending how it is designed. Thinking in terms of "if/when something happens to either one of us, just move on to a nursing home" is essentially apocalyptic thinking. To stay where you are until something catastrophic happens and the only choice is a nursing home, strikes me as not a very good choice. Independent/assisted living facilities can be remarkable.

I have not lived in one, but at one point I researched them for my mother. I actually found a great place for her, but then she suddenly died, which was sad, but okay. More recently I looked at several for my younger brother. His situation is more complicated and not relevant here. However, I have long since decided that some day I will probably find a progressive care facility and move in. For one thing, at some point I won't want the responsibility of home ownership. For another, I wouldn't expect my only son to take care of me in my dotage. Right now I'm only 72 years old, in annoyingly good health, take no medications, still drive a stick shift car. And even if I remain in excellent health, never take medications, at some point I won't want to be driving any more. Of course, there's always Uber or Lyft or the excellent senior van in my city. But handling the upkeep on my little home, meh. Even now I'm not sure I want to be bothered. The main drawback is that the cost of senior living is going to be almost all of my current income. That's a personal problem that I sincerely hope you don't have. However, down the road, I could simply start spending down what I have to stay in such a place. Again, a personal problem that I will eventually solve.

I hope this is somewhat helpful.

Latest Discussions»Support Forums»Seniors»Senior Living Facilities