God Wonders What Happens To Humans After They Die (Onion)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/god-wonders-what-happens-to-humans-after-they-die,36199/

ISSUE 50•22 • Jun 4, 2014


God says He hopes people continue existing in some form after their deaths, but worries they might just be gone completely.

THE HEAVENS—Calling it one of the greatest mysteries in life, the Lord God Almighty, Our Heavenly Father, admitted Wednesday that He often wonders what happens to human beings after they die.

The Creator of Heaven and Earth, who said He has often grappled over the millennia with the uncomfortable reality that humans never come back after they die, told reporters He had “absolutely no idea” what, if anything, people experience once their vital organs permanently cease to function.

“Some say that when people die, that’s the end, but who knows?” said the Supreme Being, adding that no one in the world could say with any degree of certainty whether one’s existence completely ceases with death. “Others say that at the moment they die, people walk toward a bright light and into another world, but the thing is, only the people who die are the ones who know. I just know that it would be awfully sad to think that when they pass on they’re gone forever.”

“I want to believe that human beings continue on in some form after their deaths,” He continued, “but who am I to say, really?”

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