The Fundamentalist Rulebook.

1. I am right and you are wrong. Always.
2. Unity Means Agreeing With Me That My Pastor Is Right.
3. The less certain something is, the more certain you must appear to be about it.
4. If you cannot win an argument with logic you must simply outlast your opponent. Once he gives up, declare victory.
5. There is no fight that is not worth fighting.
6. The less fun it is the godlier it must be.
7. Women’s primary purpose is to serve as a temptation to men. They are also somewhat useful for housework.
8. All God’s people shall say “amen.” This is never an inappropriate response.
9. If it is new it is bad. If it is old it is good. (with the exception that if it is really, really old then it is likely to be Catholic)
10. There is no situation that a good dose of ministerial yelling can’t fix.
11. Old Testament rules about sex, tattoos, women in pants, and the death penalty still apply. Old Testament rules about lobster don’t. (That is why we call this the Age of Grace)
12. Invitations shall continue until the Spirit is satisfied that enough people have come to the altar as revealed to the pastor. The Spirit shall be extra hard to satisfy on any Superbowl Sunday.
13. ON THE INTERNET, BIBLICAL TRUTH IS BEST COMMUNICATED VIA CAPSLOCK
14. Mormons are considered to be Christians for the following purposes:
a) National Elections
b) Political Talk Shows
c) Songs for God and Country Sunday
15. Neither this nor any other list of rules can be considered exhaustive; a majority shall always be unspoken, arbitrary, and subject to change at the whim of the authority.
16. It’s much better to have an innocent person die than to tell a lie to a Nazi.
17. A man is to be as much of a leader of his own house as his pastor will let him be.
18. Thou shalt not speak out against other fundamentalists on any subject that really matters. Keep disputes as trivial as possible lest you risk having your own dirty laundry exposed.
19. Spare the rod and spoil the child. (A “rod” being defined as a paddle, stick, belt, spatula, wooden spoon, rubber hose, truncheon, flail, or anything else that happens to be handy)
20. A man may not wear glasses connected by a chain for if they should slip off his nose and dangle about his neck, someone may be made to think that he is wearing a necklace and that is the appearance of evil.
21. Pastors should preach as frequently as possible on sin — preferably the sins of other people
22. Gays are responsible for pretty much every bad thing that happens in America. Africans are responsible for the rest.
23. We reject the authority of the Pope to speak ex cathedra on matters of doctrine. That’s what local church pastors are for.
24. We believe in individual soul liberty — although we’ve never seen a good reason for anybody to actually use it.
25. Dancing is an abomination unless it takes place in a classic film or on the stage of a Gilbert & Sullivan musical at a fundamentalist college.


More at: http://www.stufffundieslike.com/rules/