Reply #8: Jesus is like Santa... [View All]

But he has either a blonde (Aryan or Brad Pitt Jesus) or brown (Edwardian or Orlando Bloom Jesus) beard, has a buff bod and wears robes and sandals rather than a furry red suit and boots. Jesus doesn't need reindeer or even wings to fly, and he only gives you stuff if you drop to your knees and beg/worship while saying very flattering things about him and very unflattering things about yourself. Even then, he'll give you what you want if it's his will. I guess Jesus is more like a fairy godmother, without the wings and tiara, only the fairy godmother is more likely to deliver the bling-bling. He can also be said to be like the Great Pumpkin, except he's not rotund and orange, and does not necessarily rise out of pumpkin patches. He does throw candy to kids out of those buses used for Summer Bible camp as a lure. Sorry. Boring day at work.