Reply #118: Her choice to abort or not -- she can find other solutions if needed [View All]

for sources for the money.

HOWEVER, it is NOT in the best interests of the child for any member of your family to "adopt" it UNLESS you have made up your mind NOT to have anything to do with her (your niece) EVER AGAIN.

This situation is simply too volatile and confusing. I'm sorry you and your wife desperately want a child (my husband and I are in the same boat), but unless there is a clear level of emotional maturity where your niece is going to NOT be the "mommy" FOR THE REST OF THE CHILD'S LIFE, you and yours are NOT the best home.

Picture "family Christmas" three years from now: beautiful two year old, your niece, and the misery of the family dynamics that come from "you stole my baby because of my economic destitution which is better now!" (shudder)

Grandpa's efforts are kind, but not long term living solutions, either.

If she can't handle the emotional repercussions of adoption, doesn't want to be a mommy with the daddy, and isn't prepared for single motherhood, then abortion is a legitimate alternative. Your unwillingness to pay for it is also understandable, but does make you a target for being "unsupportive" -- you are being judgmental, and you are being unsupportive, so its a fair call on her part. It doesn't make you wrong, since you have a right to decide what you want to do with your money, and she is ultimately responsible for her own life choices, but she really had no business involving you in this drama.

If you were the one who blew the whistle on her private business with the rest of the family, however, you really overstepped appropriate boundaries, and you owe her a huge apology. If she asked to borrow money from you in confidence, and now everyone knows about what she's dealing with, you were not only unsupportive, but manipulative and untrustworthy. (I hope I read your post wrong, and that isn't what you were saying.) This type of "dysfunctional boundary crossing" would definitely be one more strike against an "in family" adoption situation.

Good luck to her.