If Global Corps Can Buy the Democratic Party, AARP Never Had a Chance. [View All]

And fast forwarding now to 2010 to a television studio in Orlando, Florida…

Establishing shot fades into a tanned Newt Gingrich who is sporting a powder blue leisure suit. Audience applause track is mixed in with weak clapping from an actual live audience of consumed and pale-faced seniors who are either stretched out on gurneys or seated within wheel chairs. Lawrence Welk music swells as the camera zooms in for a tight head shot of Newt and his ever so taut face and lipo-suctioned jowls.

NEWT: Hi. I'm Newt Gingrich and I’m the official 2010 National Spokesperson for AARP. A lot of folks sometimes mistake me for my dead-ringer and long lost identical twin, Slobodan Milosevic, but that's OK. But to refresh your memories a bit, I'm the guy who was once secretly audio-taped during a speech where I had advocated, and pardon my Serbian here, pulling the plug on Medicare.

VOICE FROM THE AUDIENCE: Let it wither on the vine, baby! Let it wither on the vine!

NEWT: Dear me! It's Bill Novelli, the CEO of AARP himself, sitting here in our studio audience tonight. Bill, you are such a rascal. I'll hook up with you and Bill Frist later at the Eli Lily Event. Let’s give it up ladies and gentlemen for Bill Novelli, who gave us all a whole new perspective of the old adage about the fox guarding the henhouse.

NOVELLI: We love you, Newtie. We love you!

NEWT: Folks, we have a splendid program for you this evening here at the Soylent Green Seniors Theme Park and Assisted Living Compound. And as we break for a brief message from our sponsor, Ensure, I’d like to sing a song that sort of sums up my checkered life.

Music rises as an overhead projection screen flickers with the multi-color and shining corporate logo from the Barbara Bush Academies of Taxidermy and Salon Centers. Newt, clasping the microphone, lovingly looks directly at Camera Three:

NEWT: Isn’t it rich? Isn’t it Queer --- Did you hear that Candace? --- Losing my timing this late in my career. But where are the clowns? There ought to be clowns….