Well I just got shitty news from the doctor. [View All]

No, I'm not dying or going blind or anything, not that anyone here would necessarily miss me. I had a bunch of tests with more to come, some of which are pretty unpleasant. Well, my HMO Doc called me with the result of a blood test and guess what? I have fucking celiac disease. I'm allergic to gluten, wheat flour. Sweet, suffering Christ nailing a dead baby! I can't begin to tell you how pissed off I am.

All these years of wondering what the fuck is wrong and I find out it is a goddamn food allergy. And what am I allergic to? Wheat. Let's see now, wheat is an ingredient in--um--oh yeah, everything. Shit, the fucking cure is worse than the disease! No more breakfast cereal, toast, bread, pasta (fuck!), pizza, doughnuts (bastard!), waffles (assholes!) and if I want ice cream it has to be without the cone. I can't even eat cornbread because that has goddamn wheat flour in it. Oh! but not to worry, there is rice bread and pasta. Well hoo-fucking-rah! I get to buy all the lame-ass food products made for people with special diseases because, guess what, I have a fucking special disease. Oh, and maybe I can join a support group. That will be almost as much fun as junior-high school gym class. Hey! This is a good recipe! Just substitute antifreeze for wheat flour. (I'm not going to!)

The test is just presumptive, but it explains everything. Jesus fucking Christ in a chicken basket! At least if it was rheumatoid arthritis or lupus it could be treated with cortisone. But there ain't no rat-rapin' treatment for celiac.

To confirm the diagnosis, I get to got to the clinic in two weeks to have a periscope shoved up my ass and another one (hopefully a different one) shoved down my throat so they can go prospecting for diseased intestine. That sounds like a barrel of fist-fucking laughs. It was bad enough when I had to produce a turd sample and six tubes of blood. Goddammit, but the human body is gross!

Fuck.