My friend died from cancer. Both my sister and dad have cancer. My brother is activated, again. [View All]

I! THINK! I! AM! GOING! C-R-A-Z-Y!!!!!!!

The last twelve months have taken a toll on me and I am feeling,...well,...it's too weird to describe.

September 2006: I am "restructured" out of a job I loved.

October 2006: My sister is diagnosed with throat cancer.

November 2006: My brother, thankfully, returns from Iraq after being there 14 months. My sister has surgery: her larynx, glands et al removed. My best friend is diagnosed with aggressive colon cancer and gets aggressive treatment.

December 2006: I discover my veteran brothers' wife had/having an affair My brother is hurting, bad. My sister undergoes radiation/chemo therapy. Job prospects are meager.

January/Februay/March 2007: My sister receives radiation therapy and a chemo cocktail. My brother goes through divorce proceedings and having difficulty with that atop civilian adjustment. My best friend seems to be doing okay; then, dies *cry*. I fail to land a job.

April/May/June 2007: My brother gets a divorce but can't sell financially draining house he bought for former wife and five (hers) kids. I still fail to locate employment. My sister finds out cancer spread to her lungs.

July/August 2007: My Dad is seeing doctors about numbness/loss of feeling in left hand. I travel to be with my sister when she gets treatment for the cancer in her lungs. I interviewed for a couple jobs but no luck.

September 2007: My Dad is diagnosed with an immediate life-threatening malignant brain tumor and has surgery. I interviewed for a job; didn't get it (and I really REALLY wanted it. FUCK employment. I meet a new friend, gratefully, but feel little to offer to our relationship.

October/present: Although he looks great, my Dad's a mess, psychologically, and beginning radiation and chemo. My Mom looks so tired. My brother has been "re-activated" (GAWDAMNIT!). I take my neighbor and close friend to be tested, he's been diagnosed with cancer.

On my list of "things to do" is: to find ANY damn job, to organize siblings to relieve Mom, to help my neighbor friend through his cancer (he just lost his wife to cancer this past February), to maintain (?) my new friendship and, last but not least, to research 'learned helplessness' (something I felt while reading an article during my neighbor/friend's cancer test).

I feel 'crazy'. I am still able to plan and do and,...HUG. But, I swear, lately,...I feel like I am,...floating away and disconnecting from the world,...and it is the weirdest sensation, a scary feeling.

Please, advise me. Am I going crazy or do normal people feel like they are floating, like they are a cloud just watching everything below when they are going through a series of difficult experiences.

Aw, shit. Now, I am crying. *pause* The crying has passed. Now, what.