Reply #15: I work with abused children and this is abuse [View All]

it may NOT, however, be illegal.

I would bet that it would get him fired.

But it seems to me that he is clearly acting in a predatory manner and is close to the edge of criminal conduct.

You need to immediately discuss this with your daughter as this guy may very well be a predator. He sounds like one to me and he is clearly WAY over the limits of propriety with your daughter and the other girl. I think there IS a question as to the severity of his "crime" depending on his age (I have represented several girls around 14 who were involved with young men in their early twenties who would NOT reveal their names due to the obvious criminal consequences and who actually, as they got older, ended up in real relationships with these men which lasted for years and well into adulthood). BUT clearly this is totally improper for a teacher who has a higher duty of ethics and legal obligations than someone who has NO professional relationship with your daughter.

Your daughter obviousdly trusted you enough to confide in you and is seeking your adult intervention -- buit she does NOT want to betray her friend's trust nor the teacher's trust.

She must be made to undersdtand that he may be acting as a predator towards girls YOUNGER than she or who are less mature.

His actions MUST be brought to the attention of the school authorities immediately and you should explain why to your daughter first.

Please private dumail me and let me know how it turns out.

Your daughter will feel guilt and possibly even betrayal by you if you do not handle this carefully and you should try to get her to go along with everything you do while gently telling her that you MUST do this to protect other girls. You also should enlist any adult mentors or allies she has (other teachers or guidance counsellors, coaches, etc.) within the school because this may cause repercussions if this guy is well liked or is "paying attention" to other girtls whom he may be making feel "special".

This kind of predatory behavior in my opinion may have already led him to have sexually abused other girls (or he may be on the verge of it and your reporting may actually HELP him not to crimianlly offend).

You may also have to advise the police or child welfare authorities which will be unpleasant. But the school will need to determine if he has offended against other students and that will require publicly asking foilks about it.

Be VERY careful to insist at every step of the way that your privacy and confidentiality is respected and you CAN call your state Child Protection agency confidentially.

The school (which has liability potentially) may try to cover it up and so you and your daughter will need to be united, strong and determined to stick together through it all.

ALSO - you should probably ask the other girl about it and discuss it with her family if this is emotionally feasible (to make allies of her and her parents/guardians) and to be sure she is not exaggerating or fabricating.

#1 thing to do. YOU talk to your daughter and call the principal or school nurse or counsellor first thing in the morning or very soon.

This guy, if he is an active predator who knows no limits may ALREADY have plans to HURT/ABUSE a girl this weekend.

Remember too that this MAY be a fairly or relatively innocent flirtation. It MIGHT be a very poor judgment on his part and a momentary lapse. It MAY be someone ELSE using his name or computer or setting him up.

The police MIGHT want to engage him in an effort to get hm to "offend" and PROVE it is him and that her is inappropriate.

and finally, if you are in the position to consult an attorney or have a family one - then do so if it is convenient or you have a family lawyer or friend. In order to protect your privacy it might help.

If he IS a predator it would be wise to be sure one way or the other and the only ones who can do that is the local police or state police or prosecutor who have task forces for exactly this kind of thing in most states (you could ask your state legislator or local district attorney, ie prosecutor for advice as well).

The main thing is that you MUST report it asap and let the authorities do their job with as little intrusion on your privacy as possible.

Your daughter may resent it, but tell her to imagine if he was doiing this to eleven year olds or even 8 or 9 year olds. You must be sure and BETTER safe than sorry.

If he is NOT a predator and it was a serious lapse in judgment -- hopefully he will earn a valuable lesson.

If you do the right thing you should not worry or second guess yourself. What he did was terribly wrong and you MAY actually be helping him.

If he is an OLDER predator, you may be saving a girl's life or many girls' lives.

Good luck

and P:LEASE let me know how it turns out. If it is ANOTHER kid doing this, it would aslso help this guiy to protect his reputation and career. But you will never know unless you take action - and do it immediately.


On Edit: an attorney or DA MIGHT BE THE BEST WAY TO GO to report this as the school MAY INDEED tip him off or try to cover it up.

But you must be prepared to GIVE STATEMENTS to the police - as your daughter will need to do. That is why you may need to have your won lawyer to at least advise you.

If it were me - I would get a statement from my client and give it to the police and/or prosecutor as quickly as possible. Ask them if there is a sexual predator task force and BE PREPARED to have them take a look at her computer (this is going to be the most difficult part re: a breach of privacy and WHY a lawyer might be handy.

It MAY be simpler just to bring it directly to the superintendent or school board (and tell them you may go anonymously to the media if nothing is done).