Civilization To Hold Off On Having Any More Kids For A While [View All]

Civilization To Hold Off On Having Any More Kids For A While

PLANET EARTH—Facing what it called "a lot of uncertainty" on all six inhabited continents, the global civilization of the species Homo sapiens released a statement Monday announcing it would be "just sort of holding off on the idea of having any more kids for the time being."

"Having children can be a wonderful thing, but to be honest, we've got our hands pretty full right now as it is," the statement, issued by the entirety of the human race, read in part. "While there's nothing quite like seeing the world anew through the eyes of a child, maybe it's best to give it a few years. See what things look like a few years down the road. We've got a lot on our plate, and let's be realistic: Another couple billion children might not be the best idea at this point."

"Now is our chance to get around to some of those things we had to put on the back burner because of kids," read another section of the carefully worded statement. "You know how we've been meaning to figure out how to keep the international food-distribution system in place and functioning after the nonrenewable fossil fuels run out? Or make sure that enough rain forests remain to keep oxygen in the atmosphere?"