I just feel very sad for Bristol Palin... [View All]

...because I was a 17-year-old girl once, and it was an unremittingly painful experience. Even without a pregnancy.

I made a lot of mistakes as a 17-year-old. Some of them I knew at the time were mistakes, and (more or less) blew them off. Some I didn't realize were mistakes until later in life, when I looked at how they restricted my options and had bitter regrets.

I got over it and moved on and my life has been pretty successful, but if you asked me which year of my life I most would consider it hell to relive, seventeen would be duking it out with twelve.

The saving grace for me was that no one except my family knew what an idiot I was being. I got little encouragement to self-aggrandize, quite a bit of grief, but also a lot of loving sympathy. My family and friends didn't do a lot to egg me on to even stupider behavior. (Well, a little bit, but that was more because I'm a naturally oppositional-type person and always have been and at seventeen those tendencies were peaking.)

But Bristol Palin?

She's getting married to the father of her baby. I hope it's really her decision. I hope he's mature for his age, really loves her, and has a strong, sensible family that will do everything they can to support that marriage and make it prosper. I really, really hope that.

But I wouldn't make book on in Vegas (or anywhere else, for that matter.) I don't know how old he is but I'm assuming he's within spittin' distance of seventeen himself and the average maturity levels of seventeen year old males ain't a lot higher (maybe not as high, in some areas) as that of seventeen-year-old females.

I got to make my mistakes in private, clean up the messes in private. I didn't have a national audience watching me. My parents were the opposite of famous. My stupidity had no effect whatsoever on their current jobs or their future careers or their status among their peers. I like to think that even if it had, they would have sucked it up and put me first, but I have no illusions, they were human and humans are subject to complex influences on decision-making. We're also really, really good at rationalizing our decisions afterward to make us look good. I'm glad my parents didn't have to go that route with me.

Seventeen is a tough time. Seventeen-year-olds are utterly certain that they have no further need for parenting (except a little financial support, insurance payments on the car, tuition assistance for college, free room & board & laundry access forever, etc.) Former seventeen-year-olds can look back and see exactly how much parenting we still needed.

But it's not easy to parent a seventeen-year-old and even experienced, loving, caring parents make mistakes about how much, what kind, and when. That's alright, mostly. We're a resilient species and our individuals usually find ways to adapt.

One thing the parents of seventeen-year-olds whom I know, who've done a good job, all have in common: They've done their best to keep their own priorities, needs, and desires from escalating the pain of being seventeen, so far as possible. Seventeen is still pretty vulnerable.

I wish Bristol Palin all the best. I hope that she has someone, somewhere in her life, that she can really trust to just listen, and not judge, and not give her "feedback," but just be there for her and help her deal with the pain. I hope that person is worthy of her trust. I hope that the decisions she is making now don't prolong the pain and restrict her future too much.

And that's the last (and only) thing I'm gonna say about "Sara Palin's preggers daughter."

sadly,
Bright