Who's the lunatic: Bush or me? [View All]

I have clinical depression. Recently, I suffered a setback and was admitted to my local behavioral health unit (a.k.a. psych ward) for treatment. Anyone who has ever been through this experience knows that at least once a day, the patient is asked a series of questions by one of the staff. After I was released from the hospital, I began reflecting on these questions in a comparative way. Specifically, I thought about my answers compared to how George W. Bush might have answered the questions. Here are some examples:

Do you drink alcohol or illegal drugs?
Me: No, I’ve never used drugs, I’ve never been more than an occasional drinker, and I gave that up years ago.
GWB: No comment.

On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your level of depression today?
Me: In the beginning, 8; by the time I left the hospital, 4.
GWB: We’re winning the war on terrorism, the economy is improving, the country is on the right track. What’s to be depressed about?

Do you hear voices?
Me: No.
GWB: I hear the voice of God. He told me that He wanted me to be president and to lead the nation at this particular time in history.

Do you have any thoughts of hurting yourself or anyone else?
Me: No.
GWB: I’d like to give ol’ Dickie a swift kick in the ass for getting me into this mess in Iraq, I’m torturing people in prisons around the world, I’ve killed over 2100 Americans and more than 100,000 Iraqis (mostly civilians), and then there are all those people I ignored after Hurricane Katrina, but other than that, no.

Do you have any fears that someone is out to get you?
Me: No.
GWB: Naw, between the Patriot Act and paying the press to subvert the First Amendment and spread disinformation, I think we’ve got that pretty well covered.

Do you have a support system that you can depend on when you leave the hospital?
Me: Well, I’ve got a brother and a few friends who are very supportive.
GWB: My daddy and I aren’t speaking to each other any more, but I’ve got plenty of friends in the oil industry, and they owe me big time.

Now, I’m in the psych ward, and George W. Bush is in the White House. If you ask me, either something is terribly wrong with our mental health system in this country, or something is terribly wrong with the country. Pretty scary, huh!