The Rude Pundit - In Brief: Another Observation Regarding Alberto Gonzales Yesterday [View All]

A generous observer might call Attorney General Alberto Gonzales "a fucking retard" after his performance yesterday before the Senate Judiciary Committee. So much has already been said, but the Rude Pundit has a couple of things to add.

In that gut-wrenching realization that American citizens are having on a nearly continuous basis, the reaction of the Bush White House to Gonzales's testimony was another reason for the electorate to run to the toilet, shitting themselves while thinking, "What have we wrought?" In addition to yesterday's statement of how splendiferous Gonzales performed, today we get White House Deputy Press Secretary "Delicious" Dana Perino saying of Gonzales, "(H)e has done a fantastic job at the Department of Justice. He is our number one crime fighter. He has done so much to help keep this country safe from terrorists." Regarding Gonzales's flailing and drooling in front of the Senators and the world, flopping around to explain the firing of the U.S. Attorneys, Perino added, "(T)he Attorney General has apologized for how it was handled, and that he has a job to do, and he's been doing it very well. And the President has full confidence in him."

It's one thing to not be a jerk about things when it comes to a pal accidentally dropping his pants and showing everyone his tiny dick and peanut balls, to maybe say, "Well, we wish he had done better, but we're satisfied" or some such shit. But the White House is going out of its way to tell everyone how super-good Gonzales is and how everyone should just shut the fuck up now and go about their business. It's like when you introduce your bald boyfriend to your family and then talk about how much you love his hair. Do you think everyone's gonna humor you?

It wasn't just that Gonzales was worthless, lying so much that it was a wonder that Satan didn't reach a claw into the hearing room and drag Gonzales to be eviscerated in Hades. It was that Gonzales was a goddamned embarrassment, a pathetic toadie, out of touch in a way that screams, "Plausible deniability," told what he should believe and do. In olden days, people like that would be flailed and then forced to run naked through the streets. Instead, he'll just go on napping at the foot of the President's ottoman.