An analysis of the Republican Party presented for your convenience. [View All]

I've been studying the Republican Party, and I've come to the conclusion that there are three basic types of Republican. For your convenience, I've listed the three types below, with some handy information on the candidate they likely supported in the 2008 election and some examples of elected officials which fall into that category.


The Theocrat: The Theocrat is one of the most common forms of Republican. A product of the 'moral majority' movement, the Theocrat movement has found much success in recent years. The original Theocrat President, Ronald Reagan, was unfortunately suceeded by Vice-President Bush instead of Pat Robertson, but the Theocrats finally got their way with the victory of George W. Bush in 2000, and the wave of jingoism that swept America following the 9/11 attacks. The movement has declined in influence somewhat since noted communist John McCain won the Republican nomination, but they still remain the most dedicated supporters of the G.O.P.

Who they supported in 2008: Probably Mick Huckabee, although they were worried he might be a socialist. Voted for McCain because 'Sarah' was on the ticket.

Examples of elected officials: George W. Bush, Rick Santorum, Sarah Palin.


The Shrieker: While not as large a movement within the party as the Theocrats, the Shriekers are just as vocal. Mostly identifying as 'libertarians', shriekers spend their time shooting things, listening to Glenn Beck, or maybe Alex Jones, and attending 'tea parties'. Quite literally exclusively white, the movement, while not necessarily racist, contains a health share of 'white nationalists'. Common tactics include comparing President Barack Obama to Hitler, Stalin, Charles Manson, George W. Bush, or, worst of all, Jimmy Carter. The Shrieker enjoys creepy Thomas Jefferson quotes about tyranny and is prominently featured on at least two Secret Service watchlists. They believe religiously in conspiracy theories, and may admire the survivalist movement.

Who they supported in 2008: Do you really need to ask? Ron- oh, sorry - Dr. Paul was their man. Probably voted for McCain because Obama was a noted socialist.

Examples of elected officials: R- Dr. Paul, of course.



The Moderate: Huh? Oh, right. There... wow. There really aren't a lot of these guys around anymore, are there?

Who they supported in 2008: Quite possibly, Barack Obama.

Examples of elected officials: While rumors persist of female Senators from Maine and a handful of reasonable 'moderates' in Congress, these could not be confirmed.