Reply #29: Each congregation is different [View All]

I've belonged to 4 UU congregations over the years. One was awful, one was so-so, and two were and are fantastic.

When we moved to Maryland (after belonging to 2 congregations in NJ, the last one friendly and wonderful), we joined the congregation nearest our home. They were never welcoming. At the newcomers' orientation the attitude was "What can you do for us?" and "You have to volunteer for this and for that because unless you volunteer for committees you will not have friends here." They weren't interested in us, or what they had to offer us, only the volunteer work they could squeeze out of us.

Even after a few years, nobody at the Cold Church bothered talking with me in coffee hour. Often as not I'd go wash cups in the kitchen and cry into the sink. It was like a closed club and newcomers weren't wanted except as workers. Then they got really money-grubby and decided that if you didn't pledge at least $1000 a year, you were lower than dirt and didn't deserve to attend the church.

This new attitude combined with the founding of a new congregation nearby prompted an exodus of several families from the Cold Church. We have been going to services on and off at the new congregation for 11 years and love it and like everyone there. It's like a big, ever-expanding family, and there's always room for more. I volunteer gladly. Unemployed people (as I was for 13 months) are given emotional support, and everyone shows concern and tries to help.

The difference between the two congregations is like night and day. I encourage you to look around and see if there's a more welcoming congregation near you.