Reply #34: You did right in my book [View All]

In truth, I think funerals are the one ritual that is really more for the survivors than the deceased. But following the deceased's wishes is important, whether you agree or not. That doesn't mean you can't do a few things on your own to mourn the loss in your own way both the day of the funeral and after.

It's not easy to sit through a religious service when you've just lost someone close to you. It's difficult not to scoff at every "amen." It's difficult not to stand up and shout to the rafters the insanity of the liturgy. But you don't. Because no matter what your thoughts are, you respect the wishes of the deceased and accept the good wishes of his well-meaning family and friends, even if the intent and method of those good wishes contradicts with your beliefs.

That is the good example you set for your daughter. Use it as an example of tolerance, turn it into an educational experience, do what you must to get through it and teach your daughter the same. By not going, you would have yielded your right to say good bye to your father. You didn't let the religious cow you into giving up that right. You didn't walk away merely because of the company you must keep while you mourn. Sure, it wasn't entirely on your own terms, but you were there. And I bet in five years you'll be glad you were.