Reply #1: Christmas is hard for me [View All]

I don't like it. I don't celebrate it. It's not because I dislike the gaudy commercialism and the ugly greedfest that it is to so many people (though I do dislike that).

And it's not because I don't believe in the theology that it's based on (though I don't believe it).

And it's not because my shoes are too tight, or my head's not screwed on right or because my heart is two sizes too small. Nor is it because I'm a scrooge.

It's because I have an overwhelming number of years worth of bad christmas memories and every year, do as I might, they well up and threaten to topple me.

I've tried so many methods of dealing with it. I've been in therapy on and off for many years but nothing there ever seemed to get me past the holiday blues. I've tried looking at it in different ways - my mother who died when I was a teenager (resulting in several awful christmas memories) loved christmas and was the one who brought it to life in our home. So I thought maybe if I looked at celebrating it as a way of celebrating her joy in it, I might find some meaning and joy myself. But it just hasn't worked.

So now I simply try to survive it. I'm actually working tomorrow from 4 am to 1 pm which tends to help - when I'm busy, I'm not thinking about what day it is.

I'm doing okay, in comparison with some years, but it's always hard and I'll be glad when it's come and gone. Just being on DU is kind of hard because christmas is the main topic of conversation and I don't want to be downer to anyone.

So thanks for posting this. It's helpful to be able to honestly articulate how I feel. :hug: to you and good wishes.