Reply #6: Welcome back! [View All]

I still haven't made a decision about TBA. My mom is still hanging on -- in fact, she was much more lucid this weekend. This may sound like a good thing, but is really much harder on everyone, including her. Saturday night she was fighting off the morphine and sedation and refused to fall asleep. Everytime we tried to leave, her eyes popped back open. It's so frustrating because she can't talk to us, but she's aware of us being there and can focus on us and comprehend what we're saying to her. We know she's frustrated and terrified. Yesterday she started crying while we were there. It's so hard to just watch her helplessly, knowing there's nothing we can do.

We met with a great palliative doctor yesterday and finally have someone to go to with questions and concerns. For example, out of the blue they started giving her liquid food beyond the hydration and basics they had been giving her before. We did not want them to do this. Then yesterday they started giving her insulin because her blood sugar went up (she's not diabetic) and potassium for her heart. We're really not trying to prolong things -- we just want them to do what's necessary to keep her comfortable and out of pain. The doctor was going to put something on her chart today not to start anything they aren't already doing.