Flash: General Hayden Already Leaking [View All]

General Hayden lets one slip.

5/8/2006
Good Old Prostate Magazine
Langley, VA - General Hayden, former head of the NSA, now bathroom stall eavesdropping hobbyist, has been named to the top job in the CIA. Though the position is not nearly as strong as when George Bush Sr. was Grand Dragon of the CIA in the '70s, General Hayden proudly took the title Head Eunuch. He has agreed to relinquish some of his "tools" of the job to the desk of John Negroponte to be bronzed and prominently displayed.

General Hayden, a vocal opponent of the "He who smelt it dealt it" theory, was caught leaking at the press, filling the room with an air of suspicion and egg. He said, "Though we smelt WMDs, it was clear that Saddam had dealt them" defending former CIA intelligence discrepancies regarding the huge crap the Bush administration has taken in the Middle East.

Experts have dismissed the appointment of a member of the military into a civilian post as, "The perfect position to appoint an asshole, not some whiner like Porter 'Is That A Balloon Full Of Hot Air Leaking?' Goss. One of the greatest places to find a complete prick is the armed forces. Where else are you going to find someone who will accuse you of being a faggot because you choose tapioca pudding in the chow line. I mean, what does tapioca pudding have to do with your sexual preference?"

General Hayden is speculated to start cleaning house, beginning with the remaining Democrat 'infiltrators', any employee that has not spent at least two years in the military, and brown people.