NanceGreggs: "Why I Cannot Vote in 2008" [View All]

Kick. Ass.

:)

Why I Cannot Vote in 2008
by NanceGreggs

Sat Oct 06th 2007, 11:47 PM

After looking over the candidates and weighing my options and my principles, I realize that I cannot, in good conscience, vote for any of the current crop seeking election in 2008.

I don’t think it necessary to even comment on the GOP contenders. Given the events of the past six-plus years, I think it goes without saying that anyone with an (R) after their name is not worthy of consideration – despite the fact that Giuliani single-handedly saved NYC from the terrorists (albeit after-the-fact), the fact that Freddie Thompson has been established as the Great White Hope (sans applause), the fact that McCain will whup everybody’s asses (as soon as he scrounges up the bus fare to get to where those asses reside), the fact that Tancredo’s idea of threatening to bomb Islamic holy sites can’t help but convince the Middle East that our only hope is peace and understanding.

That being said, let me address the real contenders, the Democrats, and my reasons for not being able to vote for a single one of them.

In keeping with my personal principles, I cannot vote for anyone who does not agree one-hundred percent with my own views on every issue, from education to the War in Iraq, from the economy to the separation of Church and State, from mint-chip being the best flavor of ice-cream Baskin Robbins has to offer to taupe travertine tile being the only reasonable option for a front-entrance foyer. (Who doesn’t know that a neutral color is the best choice in today’s volatile resale market, I ask you?)

My vote can only be cast for the candidate who lives in a home of reasonable square-footage, who spends exactly the right amount of money on a haircut, who displays exactly the right amount of religious fervor that is not too hot, not too cold, but is just right.

My perfect candidate wears an American flag lapel pin which is positioned in exactly the right place on his/her suit jacket, which is made of politically-correct fiber and was purchased at a price that I deem to be not only acceptable, but worthy of applause.

Not only must my candidate be beyond reproach in both their public and private lives (not only currently, but from the day they were born), every person employed by their campaign, every family member, every friend they have ever had, every acquaintance they have ever known, every person on earth they have ever seen or spoken to MUST be equally free of scandal, real or imagined, and MUST be ready, willing and able to prove their innocence of any wrongdoing – whether such wrongdoing ever occurred or not.

Much more: http://journals.democraticunderground.com/NanceGreggs/283