Reply #19: That was a great job. [View All]

And it illustrated one thing that really pisses me off. Seems to me that if a person pays for groceries with food stamps, anyone else who notices this fact always feels the need to do things like:

1. note what the person is buying with the stamps

2. not how the person is dressed

3. note how many kids the person has (if the person has kids)

4. note what kind of car the person is driving (assuming the person has a car)

and you can bet that judgments are passed based on that. If the person buys anything other than absolute necessities within the limits of food-stamp rules, or even, say, a name brand vs. a store brand; if the person isn't dressed in complete rags; if the person has more than maybe two kids; and the person steps afterward into a car that is anything less than a clunker on its last legs, they roll their eyes at the checkout person or the next person in line as if to say "Can you BeLIEVE????" And then they save up the memory to recite at the next social gathering at which anyone expresses a twinge of concern or empathy for the poor.

"Well, I saw a woman just ahead of me pay for her groceries with food stamps the other day--and I saw what was on the belt--and I could've given her advice on how to get more food for her money, that's how spendthrift she was! And she was not exactly dressed in rags, either--her clothes looked damn nice to me! And then she has these four squalling brats, and she doesn't look a day over 25--you tell ME how you get four kids before age 25 unless you're just having sex with every Tom, Dick and Harry with no birth control! And THEN--and THEN she leaves the store and I see her walk out and get into a late-model car that looks nicer than the piece of crap I've been driving for years! I'm sorry, but you tell me we should feel pity for these people? They're living better than I am!"

Yeah, they sure are. You bet. Because, of course, it's not like that woman could have lost her job through no fault of her own, or like two of those kids might be her sister's whom she agreed to babysit while her sister worked. And then her working sister said "Look, as long as you're shopping, why don't you use my car? It's more reliable than yours. You can come pick me up after I get off." And maybe advised her "When you do go out, wear some of your nicest clothes, OK, hon? I don't want to see you out there dressed in your worst clothes just because you're depressed over having no job. Hold your head up high. I love you, OK?"

The point being: One of the great advantages of NOT being poor enough to need food stamps is that you know people aren't going to assume they have the right to pass judgment on you for what you buy, how you look, how many kids you have and what kind of car you drive every time you go out to buy groceries. It's something most of us take for granted. But it sure is nice.

Me? I don't care what people buy with food stamps. I assume that if they're buying with stamps they're probably selfconscious about it, or may be, so I deliberately mind my own business if I get a glimpse of them. But that's the LAST thing I assume. I don't assume I know their whole life story and have a right to pass judgment on what they're buying or whether they "need" food stamps or not. I do this because if the day ever comes when I need them, I'm sure many people will wonder why I don't look like I'm on my last legs or like I "need" them. I know I'm not going to protect myself against their judgment just by not judging myself, but at least I can practice now the kind of treatment I'd like to get were I in their shoes.

The problem with too many people is that they can't imagine being in the shoes of such a person. Yet they so easily could be. They just don't want to think about it.