Reply #1: How many gallons of gas do you get for one lid of weed? [View All]

FREDERICK, MD (Spurious News Network) -- James T. Hart, 52, of Frederick was arrested early this morning for possession of illegal drugs after attempting to pay for gasoline with marijuana.

According to Sean Green, the clerk on duty at the Classic Fuels Store during the failed transaction, Hart's attitude caused him to call the cops. "It was really strange. This scroungy old guy who smelled really bad came in and offered to trade me a lid of really great weed for a fill-up. I figured fuck it, man, I just got paid so I had money, and I hadn't had a chance to go see my dealer yet, so I'd kill two birds with one stone. I'd keep his weed, pay for his grass and everything would be copacetic."

When asked if he was worried about losing his job if his boss saw in the paper that he was attempting to buy pot while on the clock, Green laughed. "No, this job fucking sucks anyway and I'm going to school four states over in a week. I'm already gone. Anyway, I told him I'd take the pot, and he pulled it out. Talk about misrepresentation, man, this shit would have made ditch weed look presentable. It didn't smell much like pot. It didn't look much like pot. There wasn't any resin on it. It felt like it was old oregano or something, and I told him that. Maybe it was worth $10 if you smoked some first to see if had any high left in it, but the guy wanted a fill-up on a dualie pickup. What would that be, $150? So I told the guy his shit wasn't shit. Fucking guy said that was kind bud and threatened to come over the counter and kick my ass if I didn't turn the pump on. When he put his foot on the counter, I called the cops. Fuck that ass beating shit."

The police cleaned out the trunk of Hart's car and found enough hard drugs to kill a whole platoon of United States Marines. "But they said my assessment of the guy's pot was right on, man; they tested it with a machine and proved that pot wouldn't get a fly high."

Bail for Hart was set at $500,000--$100,000 for threatening bodily harm, $100,000 for possession of illegal substances and $300,000 for having no taste in weed.