Bush Announces Immediate Withdrawal of U.S. Troops From Iraq

President Jeb Bush today announced plans to immediately withdraw all U.S. troops from Iraq. The announcement will affect all 465,000 troops currently stationed throughout Iraqi territory, as well as the 194,800 troops fighting in the joint Iran-Iraq controlled friendship zone along the eastern Iraqi border and 86,000 in semi-autonomous Kurdistan. White House Press Secretary Jenna Bush said the troop withdrawal should be complete within five to seven weeks, "give or take a few years".

President John Ellis Bush, more familiarly known as "Jeb" or "Meathead", has been under pressure recently from public demands for action on his frequently-voiced campaign pledge to end the war in Iraq-Iran, a commitment for which he claims to have "a secret plan". With nearly three years having elapsed since President Bush's inauguration and no action yet taken, the critical voices have grown increasingly strident. "Where's the casus belli, Ellie?" and "You suck, Jeb" headlined two of the nation's top daily newspapers last week, a mere drop in the bucket of the growing chorus of dissent.

Bush Announces Immediate Withdrawal of U.S. Troops From Iraq

After the Baathists attempted to exterminate the Kurds in northern Iraq, apparently from habit, the United States once again switched sides and joined with the Iraq-Iran alliance to quash the Sunnis, whom Joint Chiefs Chairman Monty M. Montgomery described as "uppity".

The turmoil was made more tumultuous by the discovery in late 2019 that, due to communications failures between the Defense Department and the Central Intelligence Agency, the United States was arming and fighting all sides in the conflict simultaneously.