British MP forced to eat Coffee Mate after being accused of cocaine smuggling

Source: Daily Telegraph

Michael Fabricant, MP for Lichfield and Burntwood in Staffordshire, was trekking through the south American country when he was taken for a drug smuggler.

Now safely back in Westminster, Mr Fabricant told of his ordeal.

"It took some explanation, as I don't speak more than two or three words in Spanish, for them to accept it was Coffee Mate.

"They didn't want to taste it as pure cocaine is fairly poisonous so I had to eat several mouthfuls in front of them, with guns aimed at me, until they could see that it had no ill effect. Except afterwards I felt as sick as a dog."



Read more: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/conservative/2687692/Tory-MP-Michael-Fabricant-forced-to-eat-coffee-whitener-at-gunpoint.html

What kind of wuss carries CoffeeMate while trekking through South America? That will teach him.

:). Agree about the black coffee though.

I suppose I should have put the :) on the end to be clear.

Although, if I was out backpacking with my friends and pulled out some CoffeeMate, I'd never hear the end of it!

Strangely enough, I am usually ridiculed for drinking the black coffee and all of my friends reach for the CoffeeMate

Most of the world hates us. And travelling alone, and about is dangerous, and it may get you killed, or kidnapped (or in this case eating instant coffee). I also blame American, and European Imperialism as a big reason why so many people hate us. I am just an electrician. I work for people who have money. Anyway, I am glad this innocent man did not become vulture food.

Most of the world may hate American government policies, but I've found that rarely extends to American individuals traveling.

I've traveled through almost 30 countries and found an overwhelming welcome, especially from the more remote places that aren't overrun with tourists.

Most of the world does NOT hate Americans even if they hate American government policies.

Everyone is so welcoming & friendly. Obviously, if you are a blow-hard, you'll be hated no matter what country you come from.

Also, don't be ashamed of being an American, that will cause you to lose respect. One person I traveled with actually said to some folks we were talking to that "She was ashamed to be an American". That showed a lack of understanding and a few of them walked away from her in disgust.

If people complain about US policies, I say that I personally disagree with the policy but explain the thought process that lead to that policy. That goes over well and people love to debate.

experiences. Your analysis is sound. I have found that many foreigners also love chatting up and drinking with Americans in bars.

it burns surprisingly well.

:nuke: :evilgrin:

(What would an episode of "Mythbusters" be without them blowing something up?:-))

These two facts are very important, and it took some doing to edit them out. It was a CONSERVATIVE (fascist fuckwad) MP hiking in the fascist Corpos' favorite country, COLOMBIA, where how they solve their "labor problem" is to hack up union leaders while alive and throw their body parts into mass graves (over 40 union leaders slaughtered by the Colombian military and its death squads this year alone), and where the corrupt, failed, murderous U.S.-Bush "war on drugs" ($6 BILLION in military booty, through Bushite fingers, to the out-of-control Colombian military) has devastated the poor, especially poor peasant/indigenous farmers, and, among other things, has sent at least 100,000 refugees into Venezuela and Ecuador, mostly fleeing the Colombian security forces.

Now, take a look at the photo of this guy (at the link). He looks like your typical "mad dog Englishman out in the noonday son"--a whiter than white, skinny, upperclass, 'boys' club' twit. What the hell was this guy doing hiking alone in the most dangerous parts of Colombia, near the northern (Venezuela) and southern (Ecuador) borders?

Mr Fabricant says, "You've got to be very careful about what you eat and drink in certain places," so he doesn't buy milk locally, and carries coffee mate. Yet he dawdles off into what even the reporter describes as territory where "kidnappings and shootings" are "routine," and where shouting, M-16 pointing security forces accosted him, no doubt concerned that he might be a mule from a rival cocaine gang, encroaching on their territory. Then they see he's white, and he doesn't speak Spanish, and they terrorize him and send him on his way?

Something's not right about this story. And leaving out key facts--that it was a Tory, and that it was Colombia--doesn't help DUers in trying to figure it out. Why is the MP disclosing this tale? Why is the Telegraph printing it? Is it just to have a little Tory chuckle about how their fascist fuckwad policies have fucked up the world all the way over there in their favorite South American country? Is it to make our hero look cute? Or look superior? Or to make Britain's increasingly fascist, Bush-like, security forces seem mild by comparison? Just another dumb Corpo 'news' story, or something more devious?

I don't like jokes about Colombia, where, if you raise your voice in a leftist cause, you might get your head shot off. "Cute" stories about Tory MPs and their Coffee Mate and the deadly dangers that the poor and their advocates face there every day, are not amusing. We need to analyze these and all Corpo 'news' stories, and stop accepting them at face value. I don't know quite what to make of this story, but I can tell you, a) I don't trust it, and b) you shouldn't either.

"he and his travelling companion were approached by the armed soldiers"

"He looks like your typical "mad dog Englishman out in the noonday son"--a whiter than white, skinny, upperclass, 'boys' club' twit"

No, not really:



"leaving out key facts" - you're unable to click on a link? That he was a Tory (which, of course, could be a Canadian too - so using 'British' was fairly informative) wasn't relevant to what happened. That he was British is more relevant, in a way (he doesn't speak Spanish).

I think you just need to take the story at face value. Just look on it as a "X had to taste Y at the airport security", but in a different setting. I think more of Fabricant than I did before, for going trekking in South America. It's good to see a Tory MP who isn't a little Englander.

just like people in the UK might not know what "GOP" means. And as for the Tories being "fascist fuckwads", they do have their faults, but they are not the party who followed chimp into Iraq.

As this is a US message board I felt that it was more relevent to point out his nationality then his political party.

If this were a UK board I'd have kept the headline as it was, and probbaly made a comment about Fabricant's terrible hair for good measure!

:rofl: