In an attempt to avoid 15 years of torture, lashings and beatings, Iraqi journalist Muntazer al-Zaidi pretended to apologize to U.S. President George W. Bush yesterday. "It was the wrong thing to do", al-Zaidi stated. "I ask for forgiveness and please stop beating me!" al-Zaidi has already suffered a broken arm, lacerations and multiple bruises and contusions.

Nouri al-Maliki, whom the United States installed as puppet Iraqi prime minister, said he would take the forgiveness under advisement. Though al-Zaidi's pleas for clemency sounded sincere, one of his cell mates allegedly heard him saying "I should have used bricks, not shoes!"

Many Iraqi citizens have shown tremendous support for al-Zaidi and some have actually purchased heavy steel-toed work boots to throw at President Bush if they ever see him. "What's the point in throwing loafers", asked another Iraqi journalist who asked not to be named. "And what's the point in calling him a dog if that's not an insult in his country? Al-Zaidi should have called him an asshole".

President George W. Bush simply laughed the entire matter off saying, "he's just another shoeless Iraqi. Who cares?" President elect Barack Obama says he plans to visit Iraq sometime during his presidency but happens to have a pathological fear of shoes so it won't be right away.